Hikari vs Yami: The Blood Gulch Chronicles
by kilnorc
Summary: The Yami's and the Hikari's are playing a rather odd game of Halo multiplayer. Why? Cuz they're stuck in there until the people on the outside let's them out. During their stay, there shall be death, ghosts, much language, and just plain random sillyness.
1. Episode 1: Why Are We Here?

**Hikari vs Yami: The Blood Gulch Chronicles**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh nor do I own Halo, or the hit online series, Red vs Blue!**

**Kilnorc: I know I got fics, but for some reason, i don't wanna work on them, so i decided to cross the best anime with the best online series! enjoy**

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In the blackness of deep space...

On a world shaped like that of a ring...

A civil war has broken out

Two sides are fighting against each other for domination and survival.

The sides...of Hikari's and Yami's

-----

Deep in a rocky region of a ringworld, in a small canyon, two people stood on top of a small concreted building that was decorated with various markings painted in blood red. One of these figures was wearing an orange suit of heavy combat armor with a visored helmet and the other one was wearing the same kind of suit, only it was dark maroon.

They stood there, watching the wind blow, sending bits of sand and grass flying through the air as they fingered the assault rifles in their grips. The one in maroon looked at his companion, "Hey, Bakura...,". The orange clad soldier looked at him, "Yeah, Marik?".

"What are we doing here?"

Bakura shrugged, "It's one of life's great questions isn't it, Marik? I mean, why are we here? Are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God, who has a plan for us?" he sighed and shook his head, "It's a question that keeps me up at night,". His maroon clad friend stared at him from behind his visor, and Bakura stared back at him.

"What? I mean, why are we out here? In this canyon?"

"Oh...um...,"

"What the hell was all that stuff about God?"

"Oh, nothing, nevermind,"

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No, I'm good,"

"You sure?"

"Hm? Yeah, I'm sure,".

Marik turned and stared out at the scenery, "Seriously though, why _are_ we out here? As far as I can tell, we're in a box canyon with no way out...,".

"Mhm,"

"The only reason we have this base, this Red Base, built over here is because the Hikari's have built a Blue Base over on the other side of the canyon, and we only have the only reason the have a Blue Base built over there, is because we have a red base over here!" Marik continued.

Bakura nodded, "I know, that's because we're fighting each other," he replied. Marik shook his head, "No I mean, if that we were to pull out today...the Hikari's could just come over here and take this place, and then they'll have two bases in a box canyon," he explained.

"I know what you mean...I came to play a game, and the next thing I know, some bigshot on the outside crosses the wires in the program and we're fighting against our Light Sides," Bakura added.

Little did these two know, they were being watched...

On a high ledge, a short distance away from the base, two figures were crouching behind a corner, watching. One of these figures had light blue armor while the other one had teal colored armor. The one in the light blue was watching the first two with a large sniper rifle while his comrade was impatiently waiting on details.

The teal colored one leaned over, "What are they doing?"

"What?"

"I said, what are they doing, Kaiba?"

The sniper lowered his rifle and glared at his friend from behind his helmet's visor, "Goddamit, Yugi! I am _so sick_ of you asking me that!" he snapped. The teal colored one, Yugi, returned the glare (although his friend didn't know it), "Hey don't yell at me, Kaiba. _You're_ the one with the sniper rifle, when I don't have any shit to look through. I'm not just gonna sit here all day!".

Kaiba held up his hand, "Ok, look. They," he stopped and pointed to the couple of colorful figures in the distance, "are just talking! That's all they've been doing...is talking! That's what they were doing last week, and five minutes ago when you asked me that same damn question! Now, if you were to ask me that same question in 10 seconds, it would still be...just talking!"

Yugi looked away in silence and stared at the building ahead of him, then looked back at his teammate, "What are they talking about?" he asked curiously.

Kaiba just stared at him, "You know what? I fuckin' hate you,"

-With the Yami's...-

"See, that's what I don't get. If it were up to us and we had better resources or codes, we could be out there taking map after map for a major victory!" Bakura said, waving his rifle around. Marik nodded, "I know, that's why we should be put in charge instead of those on the outside!"

"HEY! MARIK! BAKURA! GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE!"

The two Yami's looked down to see a man dressed in the same kind of armor, but it was red. Bakura looked at Marik, "Tell me again why the Pharaoh is the leader...,". Marik shrugged, "Dunno, but according to the rules, we gotta do what he says,". Bakura's jaw dropped inside his helmet, "Are you frickin' kidding me! Since when the hell do we listen to the Pharaoh!" he demanded. Marik leaned in, "Just go with it...," he whispered.

"I SAID NOW!"

Marik turned back to the red clad soldier, "Coming, Atemu, er I mean sir!". Bakura groaned and rolled his eyes, "Sonofabitch...,".

-----

In a large metal room, a small boy with long raven hair sat at a computer station with a large screen in front of him. The screen showed a large box canyon with two buildings at either end and some armored figures running around. "Hey...you think they're gonna kill us over this?" he asked, looking over his shoulder.

A teenager with short brown hair and blue green eyes walked over to him and looked at the screen, a large grin on his face, "Oh definitely...but until they get out, let's just enjoy this while we can," he chuckled.

Mokuba Kaiba rubbed his hands together, laughing maniacally, "You get the popcorn, candy and soda and I'll keep an eye on these guys,". The teen nodded and patted Mokuba's shoulder, "I will do that...hey how'd you get them to do the dialogue?"

"Dialogue? What do you mean, dialogue?"

"Um...nevermind,"

The teen left the room, _Are they gonna do the exact same thing as the others? I wonder..._

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**Kilnorc: yea...ok most of you are prbly confused at this point...but don't worry, it'll be explained in the future! ja ne!**


	2. Episode 2: Looks Like A Puma

**It Looks Like A Puma**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Bungie owns Halo, and Rooster-Teeth Productions owns Red vs Blue!**

**Kilnorc: QUICK note here...I meant to include MAJOR OOC'ness in my summary, but it wouldn't let me have room, so I'm postin it here. Enjoy the fic, folks.**

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Marik and Bakura leapt off the base and ran over to Atemu who was standing at a nearby tree. "Hurry up, you two!" the red armored Pharaoh ordered. _I swear, when I get the chance, I will kill this asshole_ Bakura promised himself.

"I said hurry up, this ain't no ice-cream social!" Atemu barked just as they reached him. Marik looked at Bakura, "Ice cream social?" he asked, confused. "Ok...now do any of you...know why I call you out here...today?" Atemu asked slowly. Bakura thought for a few moments, "The game and the war is over and we can go home?" he asked hopefully.

Atemu looked at him, "That's right, Bakura. The game is over, you beat the enemy making you the big hero! When we get back home, there'll be a parade in your honor, I'll be the one driving the car, and Marik here...WILL BE IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!"

Bakura stared, "I am not new to sarcasm, Pharaoh," he replied. The Pharaoh walked right up to him, his visor against Bakura's, "Shut it, Bakura, or I'll have Marik slit your throat in your sleep!" he threatened.

Marik chuckled, "Oh, I'll do it too...,". Atemu nodded at the maroon armored soldier, "Good man, Marik! Couple of things today, Command has seen fit to increase our ranks at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One!" he said proudly.

"Aw crap...," Bakura groaned, "We're gettin' a Rookie...,"

Atemu nodded, 'That's right, Tomb Robber. Our new recruit will be here within the week! But today, we've recieved the first part of our shipment from Command,". Bakura and Marik looked at each other, "Shipment?".

The Pharaoh looked over his shoulder, "Mahado! Bring out the vehicle!" he ordered. Marik looked at Bakura, "Why did he name this guy after a Priest?" he whispered. Bakura shrugged, "Beats the hell outta me...,".

A loud noise made the two of them turn back to see a large, sleek and very cool looking car pull up to them, with a man in green armor in the driver's seat. The car had large wheels, a slanted windshield, and a large mounted machine gun turret in the back.

"Shotgun!" Marik called.

"Shotgun," Bakura called just seconds later, "_Fuck_...,".

Atemu looked at them, "May I introduce you two to our newest light RECON vehicle. It has four inch armor plating, heavy suspension, a machine gunner seat and can comfortably seat three men. This is the M12LRV...I like to call it the Warthog,".

"Why a Warthog, sir?" Marik asked slowly.

The Pharaoh looked at him, "Because M12LRV is too hard to say in conversations," he explained. Bakura raised an eyebrow, although it went unnoticed, "But why a Warthog, it...doesn't really look like a pig...," he commented.

"Say that again, Tomb Robber...,"

"It...it looks more like a puma,"

"What in the name of Ra is a puma?"

Marik looked at the car, then at Bakura, "You mean like the shoe company?" he asked.

Bakura shook his head, "No...the real puma...it's like a big cat," he explained. Atemu looked at him, "You're making that up...,". The Tomb Robber shook his head, "No, I'm telling you, it looks like a puma!" he insisted.

"Marik!" Atemu turned to the maroon armored player, "I want you to poison Bakura's next meal!" he ordered. Marik saluted, "Aye aye, sir!".

_Mealsmy ass..._ Bakura huffed.

The Pharaoh walked over to the Warthog and pointed to curved hooks in the front, "Ok you see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks. Now _what _kind of animal has tusks?" he asked.

"A walrus,"

"DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO STOP MAKING UP ANIMALS, BAKURA?"

-Meanwhile...-

High on the ledge nearby, Yugi was peering through his visor down at them while Kaiba looked through his sniper scope. "What is that thing?" Yugi asked him. Kaiba zoomed in his scope, "I don't know...it looks like some kind of car,". He lowered his rifle and turned to his teammate, "We should get back to base and report this,".

Yugi sighed, "Aw man...they get a car?" he whined.

"What the hell are you complaining about, Yugi?" Kaiba demanded, "We're getting a tank in the next drop!"

"Ya, but you can't pick up chicks in a tank...,"

Kaiba shook his head, "You can bitch about _anything_, couldn't you? First it was the Heart of the Cards, then Shadow Games, now this! Besides, it wouldn't help anyway...girls don't like shorties,".

"Hey, I'm getting a growth spurt!" Yugi huffed defensively.

"Hold it," Kaiba held up a hand, "Say that you were able to pick up chicks, ok? We're getting a tank, and you're worried about chicks...WHAT CHICKS ARE WE GOING TO PICK UP OUT HERE! Secondly, how would we be able to pick up chicks in a car like _that_?" he asked, pointing to the car in the distance.

Yugi twiddled his fingers, "Well, what kind of car is it,"

Kaiba lifted his sniper rifle again and looked through the scope, "I don't know. It...it looks like some sort of big cat...," he replied.

A few moments passed, then Yugi looked back at him, "You mean like a puma?"

"Yeah that's right,"

-Back with the Yami's-

"Ok...now if anyone has anymore mythical creatures to suggest to the name of the new vehicle...we're sticking to the Warthog. Alright, Bakura?" Atem asked, looking at the Tomb Robber.

"No...no more suggestions," the orange clad player said slowly.

"How about Bigfoot?"

"No, I'm good,"

"Unicorn?"

"I said I was cool,"

"Saquatch?"

"Leprechaun?" Marik chimed in.

Bakura glared at him, "Don't help or encourage him!"

"Phoenix?"

"Christ...,"

Atemu looked over his shoulder to the green armored soldier, "HEY! Mahado! What's the name of the lizard the eats all the goats? The Mexican lizard?" he yelled.

Marik held up a hand, "That would be the Chupacabra, sir!"

The Pharaoh nodded and turned to Bakura, "Chupa-thingy, Bakura. How about it? _I _like it, it's got a nice ring to it...,"

-----

In the real world, Mokuba and his partner-in-crime were sitting back in their chairs, candy wrappers on the floor and sodas in their hand. "This...has got to be, the best thing we've ever done to them...," the teen said slowly as he nodded.

Mokuba nodded, "Yeah, I'm proud of it, too, Brian...so what IS the name of the car?"

"Warthog...believe me, that's the name,"

"Ah. Why'd you give my brother and Yugi a tank?" the raven haired pre-teen queried.

Brian looked over at him, eyebrow raised, "Would _you_ give a tank to a couple of psycho paths like Marik and Bakura?"

"Good point...,"

As they watched Yugi and Kaiba retreat back to their base, Brian held up his can of soda and Mokuba followed suit, "Cheers, Mokie,".

"Cheers!"

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**Kilnorc: Mwahahahhaha, some torture for Bakura!**


	3. Episode 3: The Rookie

**The Rookie**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or RvB or Halo**

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Mokuba entered the game room to see Brian working on the console, fingers flying across the keyboard. "Watcha doin'?" he asked as he walked over to him. Brian grinned and cracked his knuckles, "Just sending in the Rookie for the Red Team...," he replied. Mokuba leaned over and saw the picture of the newest player, "Why is _he_ there? Shouldn't he go to the Blue Team?" he asked, confused by the choice.

Brian shook his head, "That won't work...believe me. For what I have planned, it won't work," he countered. Mokuba shook his head and sighed, "If you say it's ok, then it's ok, I guess," he murmured as he took plopped down into his seat.

-----

"Bakura, you are so full of crap,"

"I'm serious! I almost beat you in that duel,"

"Yeah, bullshit!"

The two Yami's were standing on top of their Red Base arguing about something from Battle City when someone in red armor walked up behind them, using a nearby ramp, "Excuse me, sirs?".

"_Sirs_? Bakura, that voice sound familiar?"

"Crap...why'd we get him for a Rookie...,"

They turned around to look at their newest teammate, who in turn saluted, "I'm supposed to talk to the person in charge here," he said matter-of-factly.

Bakura shook his head, "Sorry, Rookie. The Pharaoh's gone to talk to Command and he didn't leave anyone in charge," he told him.

Marik took a step forward, "Actually...he left _me_ in charge!"

"Oh Ra...Marik you are such a kiss-ass!" Bakura snapped.

His teammated turned to him, "He also said that if I should get any trouble from you I should...ahem.. 'Get into the Warthog and crush your head like Obelisk crushes the other cards'," he added in a smug voice.

Bakura stared at him, "That is the _worst_ imitation of the Pharaoh, I've ever heard," he said slowly. Marik ignored him and turned to the new guy, "Ok, Rookie, what's your story?" he asked.

"Private Malik Ishtar reporting for duty!" the Rookie said, saluting.

"Ha, I knew it...but we got some problems here. First off, Private Malik?" Bakura looked at Marik, "Someone needs to forget about rank and needs a new nickname...," he turned back to Malik, "Second, what's with the red armor?"

Malik looked at himself, then back at them, "They told me this is the armor I should wear because of my team," he explained, "What's the big deal, _he's_ wearing red armor!" he added, nodding to Marik. The Yami shook his head, "No..._my_ armor is maroon..._your's_ is red," he said slowly.

"Well how the hell do I get a different color armor?" Malik whined/demanded.

Bakura sighed in frustration, "I bet the Hikari's don't have to put up with this crap...," he muttered.

-With the Hikari's...-

Over on the other side of the canyon, at a building decorated with blue markings, Yugi, Kaiba and another person, this one in deep blue armor were standing next to a large tank and looking at it fondly while the new person was retelling a story.

"...and I said, 'How are we gonna get this on the planet?' and then he said, 'I'll just put it on the ship,' and then I said, 'If you put guns on the ship, you can just use the ship as a weapon instead of the tank and-,"

Yugi looked at the blue armored person, "Ryou?"

"Yes, Yugi?"

"You're ruining the moment...shut up,"

"Oh...sorry...,"

Kaiba, on the other hand, was staring at the tank with wide eyes and a wider smile, "You know...I can blow up the whole goddamn world with this thing...," he whispered to himself.

-With the Yami's...and Malik-

"Ok, Malik...or Yoko,"

Bakura shook his head, "No way man, I refuse to call him Yoko...what kind of nickname is Yoko anyway?"

Marik shrugged, "Dunno, just popped into my head. Should we stick with Malik?"

"Please do!"

"Ok then," Marik turned to his Light Side, "We got an important mission for you, Malik. Are you up for it?".

Malik jumped up and down, "I sure am!" he said excitedly.

"Ok, ok...stop bouncing. Bakura and I need you to go to the store and pick up 2 quarts of elbow grease," Marik instructed.

Bakura nodded, "And some headlight fluid for the Puma," he added.

"The _what_?"

Marik sighed, "He means the Warthog,".

"You _do_ know where the store is, right Rookie?" Bakura asked Malik.

The Tomb Keeper looked at them both, "Um...of course I do! I'll be right back!".

Bakura and Marik watched as Malik turned around and started walking to the left of the rooftop, "OTHER WAY!" they yelled.

"I knew that! Just got turned around!" Malik said quickly as he went the opposite way and down the ramp. The two Yami's watched as the Tomb Keeper ran off down a dirt path into the distance. Bakura looked at Marik, "How long do you think it'll take for him to realize there's no store?" he asked. "If we're lucky...about a week," Marik replied.

Malik ran until he came to a large hill, then turned around to look at the base, "They must think I'm a total dumbass. Elbow grease my ass...when I get back with that headlight fluid, I'm talking to the Pharaoh!" he swored before taking off down the dirt road again.

-Again...at the Hikari's Base-

"Ok, forget what I said earlier, Kaiba. We can _definitely_ pick up chicks in this thing," Yugi said casually, "Probably two or three a peice!".

Kaiba looked at him, "What are _you_ gonna do with two chicks, Yugi?" he asked curiously.

"Hey, we're all like Voltron, Kaiba. The more pieces you put together, the better the fun is!"

-At the Yami's...-

"You think we were too hard on Malik?" Bakura asked his friend. The Tomb Keeper's Dark Side shook his head, "Nah...he'll just wander around the cliffside for a few hours. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?" he asked.

-Somewhere...-

Malik stopped after a while of running as hard as he could, panting heavily. "Ra...where is this store?" he asked between breaths. He looked up to see a building with blue markings and a large tank a few feet away.

"Finally! There's the store," he sighed in relief before walking towards it, "Aw sweet, they sell tanks!"

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**Kilnorc: that's that one! MWAHAHAHAHAHHA!**


	4. Episode 4: Malik Buys A Flag

**Malik Buys A Flag**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Halo or Red vs Blue, nuff said.**

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While Malik was making his way to the 'store', the three enemy Blues were gathered around the tank. "Hey, I'll let you guys in on a little secret," Kaiba said before facing the others, "I got this girl on the outside," he said smugly.

Yugi raised an eyebrow, "Wow...girlfriend or wife?". Kaiba shook his head, "Nah, girlfriend. I was thinking about asking her to marry me, but then all this business and this thing started...I didn't have the chance," he sighed.

"But are you gonna marry her after this?" Yugi inquired.

"I'm not gonna get married!"

Kaiba and Yugi looked at Ryou, "My dad once told me, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" he asked, a happy tone in his voice.

"Ryou...," Kaiba walked over to his teammate, his voice low, "Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?" he demanded.

Yugi shook his head, "No, I think he called her a slut," he offered.

"Wait, no I did-,"

"Listen, Ryou," Kaiba hissed, "I could listen to you insult my girlfriend all day, but I got much more important things for you to do,"

"Great...," Ryou muttered.

Kaiba ignored him, "See...there's this general,"

"Right...a general guy," Yugi said quickly.

"Anyway, there's this general that comes around to make random inspections at bases. So what I want you to go into the base, and stand by the flag at attention until he comes," Kaiba explained to his teammate.

Ryou looked at him for a moment, "Ok...um...when will he be here?" he asked.

Yugi shrugged, "Who knows, could be a day, could be a week,".

"So...you want me to stand at attention next to a flag...for a week?" Ryou asked slowly.

Kaiba shook his head, "You don't sound very _grateful_, Ryou. This is the most important job here at this base! You're going to be right next to the flag!" he said in a dramatic voice. Ryou scratched his helmet, "What's so important about a flag?".

"Goddammit, didn't anyone tell you anything before you got here?" Kaiba demanded angrily. Ryou held up his hands, "Hey, no one told me anything about a flag, guys!" he said defensively.

"Oh God...Yugi, tell him the importance of our flag, please,"

Yugi nodded and looked at his newest teammate, "Ok...it's complicated. See _we_," he gestured to himself, Ryou and Kaiba, "are Blue! The _flag _is blue!"

"It's just important, Ryou," Kaiba interjected, "Trust us. The first thing the General is going to want to do when he gets here, is to inspect the flag. Now go in the base..._far away from us_, until he shows up!" he ordered.

Ryou nodded and started walking away. "Remind me why he's playing...," Kaiba whispered to Yugi. "A friend of ours," the King of Games replied.

"Um guys?" Ryou called out to them, stopping halfway to the base.

"Sonofa...WHAT RYOU?" Kaiba yelled at him.

"How...how will I know it's him?"

Yugi spoke up to keep Kaiba from exploding, "There's only three of us out here, Ryou. It's gonna be a guy that doesn't look like any of us!" he explained.

"Ok thanks!" Ryou waved and went inside the building.

Kaiba shook his head again as he turned his back to the base to look at Yugi, "That albino is so friggin' stupid...,"

"Um...Kaiba?"

"Goddammit...," Kaiba turned around to face Ryou, "WHAT IS IT, RYOU!".

Ryou twiddled his fingers together, "Sorry for calling your girlfriend a slut earlier!" he shouted.

"RYOU! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP AND GET IN THERE, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!" Kaiba roared at the top of his lungs. As poor Ryou ran back inside the base, Kaiba heard a muffled giggling behind him.

"Yugi...," he turned around, "Are you laughing at me?" he demanded.

"Excuse me, sir?"

Kaiba closed his eyes and made a fist at his side, "Dear God in Heaven, Ryou. If I turn around and you're not inside that base, I...I will _not_ be held responsible for what I do!"

"Hey, what did _I_ do?"

"One...,"

"Oh c'mon, I didn't do anything!"

"Two...,"

"Ok ok ok! Jesus...,"

Kaiba smiled behind his visor as he heard booted footsteps make their way to the base, "Finally...,"

-Inside the base...-

Malik shook his head as he walked through the building, "What the hell was he so mad about?" he asked himself. He entered a large square room and saw a person in dark blue armor next to a blue flag.

Ryou snapped to attention, "Wow, you got here fast!" he exclaimed. Malik jerked a thumb to the direction he came from, "What's with everyone being so rude, today?" he asked Ryou. The blue armored Hikari shook his head, "I'm not, sir! What can I get you?" he asked politely.

Malik sighed in relief, "Finally, someone with a little respect!". Ryou nodded excitedly, "Yessir! I assume you're here for this!" he said, turning to the flag. Malik looked at the Blue flag, then around the room, "Is this all you have?" he asked.

"Yessir!"

"Aw man...wait, what about elbow grease?"

"Um...no,"

"Headlight fluid?"

"Sorry...no sir. Just this flag," Ryou said pointing to the Blue cloth on a pole.

Malik sighed, "Figures...well I can't just go back empty handed. I guess I'll just take this then,". He walked to the flag while Ryou just stood there.

"Uh...sure, ok, I guess,".

"Man...the others are gonna give me so much crap when I come back with just this stupid flag...," Malik muttered as he walked out.

-Outside...-

Kaiba cracked his knuckles, "Well that's enough blabbing from us both...," he turned to the flag and grinned widely, "How about we take this bad boy out for a spin?" he asked Yugi. "Um...wait what do you mean?" his teammate asked.

"I mean get inside and we'll go!"

Yugi looked at the tank, then back at Kaiba, "I can't drive that thing...,". Kaiba stared at him, "Are you telling me you aren't armored-certified?" he asked. Yugi nodded, "Kaiba, I can't even work the fuckin' sniper rifle, much less a big-ass tank!"

Kaiba walked over to the tank and started banging his visor against the tank, "Holy crap! Who the hell is running this army?" he asked, laughing in the process.

-In the Real World-

"IT IS ME, KAIBA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Brian laughed evilly as he sat in his large seat while Mokuba looked at him like he was crazy.

"You need to cut down on the soda, Brian,"

"Shut up, Mokie...,"

-Blood Gulch-

Ryou left the base and saw Kaiba and Yugi arguing about something near the tank, "Hey guys! Just thought I should let you know...the General came by and picked up the flag!" he reported.

Kaiba waved him off, "Yeah, fine, whatever, Ryou!" he yelled, completely ignoring him. He turned back to Yugi, "I'm just saying, why would they send a tank to a group of soldiers who don't know how to drive the damn thing?".

Yugi shrugged and a few moments of silence passed. That's when Kaiba finally realized what Ryou had told him.

"Wait a second...what did he just say?"

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**Kilnorc: hope that's good! look for more "episodes" coming soon! hehehehehehe...ja ne!**


	5. Episode 5: Trouble With Teleporters

**The Trouble With Teleporters**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Halo or Red vs Blue.**

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After some awkward explaining and much yelling, Kaiba, Ryou and Yugi were ontop of their base, with Kaiba peering through the scope of his trusty sniper rifle. "Lemme get this straight," Kaiba lowered his rifle and looked at Ryou, "You just _gave_ this guy our flag?".

"Is that bad?" Ryou asked back.

Kaiba shook his head, "Oh no, Ryou, it's not bad. In fact, the next time he comes by, you can help him blow up the whole damn base!" he yelled, sarcasm dripping on every word. Yugi tapped on Kaiba's shoulder rapidly, "I see him, there he is!".

The leader took up his rifle again and looked through the scope, "Where, I don't see him,". Yugi pointed to a large hill in the distance, "Over there!".

Kaiba followed Yugi's finger and saw a figure in armor carrying their large flag, "I see him! He keeps moving in twists and turns...he's trying to go around the back way!".

Yugi whistled as he watched the figure in the distance, "That guy must be one smart sonofabitch...," he commented.

Malik stopped walking and looked around with his "purchase" in his hands, "Man, I am so freakin' lost...where the hell is the base?" he asked himself before taking off again.

Kaiba was about to pull the trigger when he noticed something about the flag thief. "Holy shit...Yugi look at the armor he's wearing! It's _red_!". Yugi groaned, "Man, that means it's the Pharaoh...,".

"Well, that _does_ explain how he managed to get by our defenses...the Pharaoh can be very tricky like that," Kaiba thought aloud.

Ryou looked at them, "Um...he _did_ come through the back entrance where you guys were standing...," he said slowly. Yugi nodded, "Sure whatever, we gotta take him down," he urged. Kaiba chuckled behind his helmet, "Roger that,".

He closed one eye and kept the scope trained on Malik, "Say goodnight, Pharaoh...," he whispered before firing on him.

_Bam Bam Bam Bam_

Malik stopped running and dived to the ground, scared shitless of the bullets that whizzed by him, "SONOFABITCH!" he screamed.

Kaiba growled and lowered his rifle, the clip empty, "Dammit...,". He looked to the side to see Yugi staring at him, "What?". Yugi looked at the sniper rifle, then at his teammate, "You're..._really _not very good with that are you?" he asked grinning behind his visor.

Off in the distance, Malik got to his feet and waved the Blue flag around, "DON'T SHOOT! IT'S ME! I BOUGHT THE FLAG, REMEMBER?" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

Yugi looked back at the "Pharaoh" and threw his hands in the air, "Aw great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarassing...," he muttered.

"Ok, that's it, I've had enough!" Kaiba snapped as he turned to Ryou, "Ok, Ryou, you're gonna stay behind at the base while me and Yugi go through the teleporter and head him off at the pass!" he ordered. Ryou nodded, "Got it!"

Kaiba nodded as well and made his way to what looked like a shimmering green door, "Ok, Yugi, ready? You go first,".

"No _way_ am I going in _there_!" Yugi firmly. "What is your problem, Yugi? We don't have time for this! Why would they give us a teleporter that doesn't work?" Kaiba inquired. Yugi shrugged, "I dunno, Kaiba. Why would they give us a tank that none of us can drive?" he counterd.

Kaiba sighed, "Look, we already tested this thing, ok? It's safe!"

"We threw rocks at it!" his teammate reminded him.

"Yeah...and they came out on the other side in one piece!"

"But when they did, they were all hot and covered with black stuff!" Yugi argued.

"Oh so I guess that's what this is all about then," Kaiba began to have an annoyed tone in his words, "You're afraid of a little black stuff...,".

Yugi nodded, "Yes, yes I am!"

His teammate sighed and grabbed a large assault rifle next to him and aimed it at his chest, "Yugi...I almost hate to have to do this to you," he said quietly.

The King of Games stared at the rifle, "You wouldn't...,"

Kaiba shrugged, "The way I see it, you can either go through that teleporter," he pointed the rifle at the shimmering green door, "or I can shoot you right here...personally I think it's a win win situation for me," he said smugly.

A few moments passed before Yugi sighed in defeat, "For the record...rocks are NOT people, Kaiba,"

The Blue Leader nodded, "Noted and stored...now get the hell in there," he ordered. "Aw crap...one...two...," Yugi ran through the teleporter and Ryou and Kaiba looked off into the distance to a small metal X that was planted in the ground.

Sometime passed, and Yugi still hadn't appeared. Ryou looked at Kaiba, "I don't think he's coming out...," he observed while Kaiba stood there in silence, holding his weapon.

"On second thought, I won't use the teleporter...," Kaiba murmured before jumping off the building, "Ryou, stay here and hold the fort down!" he ordered as he ran to catch up with the flag and the thief who "bought" it.

-At the Yami's Base...-

Bakura was standing on the rooftop, holding a sniper rifle, scanning the terrain in front of him. "I still don't get it...I didn't hear anything, Bakura," Marik insisted. "I'm telling you, I heard gunshots...like _bam bam bam_," he exlpained again, frustration sinking in.

"That...that was only three _bam_'s," Marik pointed out.

"_Bam_," Bakura added before he noticed something running across the field, "Hold on...we got a Blue guy running out there!".

Marik turned and stared out at the canyon, "I can't see him, which way is he headed?" he asked. Bakura looked around until his eyes rested on Malik who was jumping up and down, "Aw crap...it's Malik. He's got something...,".

"What is it?"

"I don't know...it looks like...,"

Bakura slowly turned to Marik, a large smile plastered on his face behind the visor, "Marik...get the Warthog,".

"Don't you mean the Puma?"

Bakura nodded, "Yeah, keep makin' jokes. _That'll _win the war...,"

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: hehehehe, that's another one. I really hope I'm doing good here! ja ne!**


	6. Episode 6: WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!

**WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!**

**Disclaimer: Everything thing in here, belongs to their rightful owners/creators...thank you.**

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"Aw crap...it's Malik. He's got something...,".

"What is it?"

"I don't know...it looks like...,"

Bakura slowly turned to Marik, a large smile plastered on his face behind the visor, "Marik...get the Warthog,".

"Don't you mean the Puma?"

Bakura nodded, "Yeah, keep makin' jokes. _That'll _win the war...,"

-----

"FREEZE, PHARAOH!"

Malik spun around to see the rude person from before. "Hey, what's your problem, you almost shot me!" he yelled, then noticed that he had a rifle trained on him. Kaiba rested his finger on the trigger, "Don't play dumb with me, Pharaoh. We know who you are...we've been spying on you for a good while now!"

"What the hell are you talking about, I'm not the Pharaoh!" Malik protested.

After a few seconds of staring, Kaiba lowered his rifle a little bit, "Wait a minute...you're not the Pharaoh...,".

"That's what I just said! I just go here two hours ago and I'm being shot at!" Malik yelled. Kaiba was confused, "Well if you're not the Pharaoh, how'd you manage to steal our flag?" he demanded.

"Steal? I have no idea what you're talking about, I didn't steal anyth-,"

"THREE!" Yugi screamed as he suddenly appeared out of thin air.

Kaiba and Malik jumped about three feet in the air.

"JESUS!"

"HOLY SHIT! Who the hell is this guy?" Malik asked/screamed at Kaiba. The Blue Leader ignored him and stared at Yugi who was now covered in black stuff, "What the hell...Yugi, is that you?" he asked slowly. Yugi turned around and looked at him in surprise, "Hey, how'd you get here ahead of me, Kaiba?" he asked, confused.

"And what's all that black shit on your armor?" Malik interjected.

Yugi turned around to see Malik for the first time and raised his pistol at him, "Freeze, Pharaoh!" he ordered. Malik rolled his eyes in frustration, "I AM NOT THE PHARAOH! Least not yet anyway...," he added quietly.

"Not a Pharaoh yet...?" Yugi asked slowly...then his eyes widened, "Oh...my...Ra...I've gone back in time!" he screamed.

-With Bakura and Marik...-

Bakura hopped into the driver's seat of the Warthog while Mahado watched him, "Don't worry, I'll bring it back in one piece!" Bakura promised him before turning the key. "I call gunner's seat!" Marik yelled as he climbed into the back.

_"Fighting evil by moonlight. Winning Love by Daylight..._," **(1)**

Marik almost gagged at the music that was coming out of the speakers, "What the hell...BAKURA! CHANGE THE FUCKIN' RADIO!" he yelled as the Tomb Robber took off towards their needy teammate.

-Back with the others...-

Yugi was trying his best to tell the "past" Kaiba about himself, "Look, you may not believe me right now, but someday in the future, we meet, we're rivals, then we come to this game and this guy," he pointed to Malik, "at one point will become a Pharaoh, who comes to our time and he becomes the commander of the opposite team. We spy on them, and they get a new jeep, and I'm like, you can't pick up any chicks in a tank...,"

"Yugi...," Kaiba interrupted, "what the _fuck_ are you talking about?".

"Believe me, this may sound strange, but I swear to Ra this is the truth, all this happens and we also get a tank!" Yugi said quickly.

Malik looked at Kaiba, "Is this guy retarded?" he asked.

Kaiba glared at him, "Shut up, Red," he growled before looking at Yugi again, as a delightful, yet annoying song wafted through the airs.

_"...she will always be there to defend. She is the one on whom we can depend...,"_

Ignoring the music, Kaiba sighed angrily, "Yugi, you have _not _gone back in time. This guy," he pointed to Malik, "is just a rookie Red member. He's got the same armor as the Pharaoh, and he somehow got past us and grabbed our flag and...,"

_"Fighting evil by moonlight...winning love my daylight...,_"

Kaiba looked around, the music was driving him insane, "What the fuck! WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!" he roared. His answer was a large vehicle jumping over a small hill right towards them. Yugi and Kaiba nearly crapped themsellves and ducked out of the way.

"SONOFABITCH!" Kaiba screamed.

"HOLY SHIT!" Yugi threw in.

"RUN YUGI!"

As the two of them made their way to a large rock, Bakura jumped out of the Warthog and walked over to Malik and the flag, while Marik let loose a volley of bullets at Kaiba's and Yugi's retreating asses.

"What the hell is goin' on here, Malik?" Bakura demanded.

Malik scoffed and waved his arms, "Beats the hell outta me. Everyone in this canyon is freakin' insane!" he shrieked. Bakura looked down at the dropped flag, "Well how the hell did you steal their flag?".

"I didn't...I just walked in the building and asked for it!" Malik explained.

Bakura stared at him, "That _worked_?" he asked in disbelief.

Malik nodded, "Yeah...was I not supposed to?"

"I dunno, we've never tried that option before. Just take the flag back to base," the Thief King ordered.

His teammate shook his head, "Not until someone tells me what the fuck is goin' on,".

"There's no time to explain, Tomb Keeper! Just take the flag, go to base, and I'll explain it there, ok? GO!" Bakura yelled.

"FINE!" Malik picked up the flag and started making his way to the base. Unfortunately, it was the Blue Base. "BACK TO OUR BASE YOU DUMBASS!" Bakura screamed. Malik stopped and did a 180, "I knew that," he said quickly and quietly as he walked by him, "I just got turned around...again,".

-Back at Blue Base-

Ryou was watching the whole thing through another rifle's scope. He saw that his friends were pinned down and that the Red's had them where they wanted them. "Oh my...this isn't good. That jeep has a _really big_ gun...," he whimpered.

He fidgeted, trying to think of something to do to help his friends. "Oh, do I stay here...," he looked behind him to the large assault vehicle on the other side of the base, "...or tank? Stay here...or tank?". He picked the rifle again and watched his friends from the safety of the base.

"Aw screw it...I'm using the tank," he muttered. Ryou turned away from the horrible view and darted to the parked tank nearby.

-With Yugi and Kaiba-

The two Blues were crouching behind a large boulder as Marik continued to fire repeatedly down on them. "So what do we do?" Yugi wondered aloud. Kaiba sighed and leaned against the rock, "We just have to wait this out...that gun's bound to run out of ammo _sometime_," he replied.

-Real World-

Mokuba and Brian were watching everything in their comfortable chairs, grins of happiness and laziness plastered on their faces. "So...how long do you plan on keeping this up?" Mokuba asked his partner. Brian shrugged, "Depends on what happens I guess. By the way," he looked at the pre-teen, "You think anyone else might wanna play?"

The younger Kaiba slowly turned and looked at him, "You got someone in mind?"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: there's THAT one. hehehehe, again i sorry if it not good, but if it is good...glad I could entertain ya!**

**(1) Couldn't help myself...had to put that Sailor Moon theme in as the annoying song in the Warthog. LOL!**


	7. Episode 7: Maybe It Doesn't See Us

**Maybe It Doesn't See us**

**Disclaimer: All anime and online things here belong to their respective owners/creators.**

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After awhile of hiding behind the large rock, Kaiba and Yugi were still being pinned down by Marik's barrage of bullets. "You'd think that thing would've run out of bullets, by now," Kaiba observed. Yugi nodded and looked at him, "In hindsight...it might've been better if we brought the tank...," he said slowly.

Kaiba glared at him, "Yugi...what good is a tank if none of us can drive it?" he hissed. Yugi shrugged, "Yeah you're right...hiding behind a rock is a _much_ better strategy," he replied sarcastically.

"Um...well yeah, but...," Kaiba was at a loss for words, "I guess I gotta give that one to you, Yugi...,".

-With Ryou-

The remaining Blue team member popped open the driver's canopy of the tank and jumped in. The canopy closed automatically and the controls lit up all around him.

"Oohh...pretty lights...,"

**"Hello, and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Mana,"** a synthetic, female voice greeted.

Ryou looked around in surprise, "Oh, hello Mana...big...tank lady...," he replied nervously.

**"Would you like me to run the Tutorial Program?"** Mana asked.

"Oh, thank you. Yes, that would be nice," Ryou said smiling.

**"Activating Tutorial Program. This program will enable personnel who are not officially trained to operate this Scorpion Class tank. Let's start with some driving,"**

Ryou was greatly surprised when the tank started moving on it's own down the dirt road that led away from the Blue Base, "Oh, ok...,".

-With the Yami's...-

"Marik...MARIK!"

The maroon armored Yami jumped out of the jeep and looked at Bakura. "Damn, that thing is _loud_!" Bakura noted.

"WHAT?" Marik shouted.

Bakura ignored the yell and looked back at the rock where Kaiba and Yugi were waiting, "C'mon...let's go around back and finish them off there,".

"OKAY!"

"Keep it down, Marik! Jesus...now c'mon before they realize what's going on,".

As the two Yami's made their way to their prey's blindspot, Ryou was currently trying to get the tank he was driving off of a large rock nearby.

**"Now that you've mastered driving, let's move on to safety features,"** Mana offered.

Ryou shook his head as he pulled the control stick every which way and pressed his feet down on the pedals that lay beneath him, "No, no, no!" he pleaded as the tank eased off the rock and made it's way across the canyon again, "Why must there be six pedals if there are only four directions?" he whined.

-Elsewhere...-

Kaiba eased his way out from behind the rock and looked straight ahead to see the jeep that had been used to shoot at them was empty and abandoned. He crawled back to Yugi, who was waiting behind the rock, "Hey...they stopped firing!" he said in a hushed voice.

"Why are you whispering?" Yugi asked him.

Kaiba was silent for a few moments, "Uh...I don't know!"

Meanwhile, Marik and Bakura were staring at a large rocky slope, their plans going down the toilet. "Aw crap...I don't think we can go this way...," Bakura muttered. Marik looked at him, "Remind me again why we got out of the jeep?".

"Well, it's a lot better than just watching you shoot at rocks all day!" Bakura snapped.

"Hey, shooting rocks is fun!" Marik said, pointing a finger at him.

A loud, dull, humming made them stop bickering. "You hear that, Marik?" Bakura asked slowly. Marik nodded and the both of them turned around to see a large tank in front of them.

"Holy...crap. What in the name of Ra is _that_ thing?" Bakura wondered aloud.

Back behind the rock, Kaiba was arguing with Yugi. "Don't be an idiot, Yugi. It's a trap, they're trying to lure us out!" he hissed.

Yugi shook his head and pointed to the abandoned Warthog, "Look, the gun has stopped and they're nowhere near it! They're gone!" he insisted. Kaiba sighed and shook his head slowly, "I don't know Yugi...this is pretty fishy," he murmured. After a few moments, he snapped his head up and gripped his assault rifle, "Ok, let's go get it!".

Bakura and Marik were staring down the large tank while Ryou sat innocently inside the canopy. "Don't move, Marik," Bakura whispered, "Maybe...it doesn't see us...,".

**-----**

**Next Time on Hikari vs Yami:**

**_For Seven Episodes, you've watched them. But next time...the unthinkable: SOMEONE. WILL. DIE._**

**Yami: I sure hope it's Bakura...**

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**Kilnorc: there's THAT one...do I dare do a third one in the same night? YESH I DO!**


	8. Episode 8: Don't Ph34r the Reaper

**Don't Ph34r the Reaper**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Marik and Bakura stood as still as statues while the tank kept it's cannon trained on them. "Why is it just sitting there?" Bakura asked his teammate. "It's just messing with our heads...that's what it does! Let's get back to the Warthog," Marik replied in a whisper.

As the two Reds were debating on what to do, Ryou was having an interesting time with Mana in the canopy of the tank. **"This tank is equipped with an autofire sequence, that can be activated by pressing the Auto-Fire button,"** she informed him. Ryou looked around the controls, "Auto-fire button...nope, not that one...,"

"Ok...ready to do this, Bakura? On three. One...,"

"Wait, Marik. _On _three or _after_ three?" the Thief King asked.

"_On_ three, Bakura. It's _always_ faster on three,"

"Oh, ok. On three then,".

Ryou grinned happily as he finally found the button he wanted, "Bingo!" he cried as he pressed it.

**"Tutorial has been deactivated. Auto-fire mode has been activated,"** Mana stated.

"One...," Marik started, becoming so tense, he didn't notice Bakura was moving away from him when he began counting. Mana the Tank saw this and began tracking Bakura with her cannon, **"Target Acquired**,".

Bakura was panting as he ran, he didn't want to get blown up, he wanted Marik to get blown up in his place.

"Two...," Marik continued, oblivious that his teammate had dumped him.

**"Target locked,"**

"THREE!" Marik yelled and turned around to run, but saw that Bakura was just about at the Warthog. He glared at his friend, "Oh...you backstabbing...,"

**"Firing Main Cannon,"**

A loud blast echoed through the canyon air and Bakura barely dodged the rocket that was coming right at him. He dodged just in time, and the rocket hit the Warthog instead, blowing it up. Bakura wasn't the only one that was shocked by the explosion. Kaiba himself was just about to the Jeep when it blew up.

"SONOFABITCH!" Marik shouted as he watched the jeep explode.

"SONOFABITCH!" Bakura screamed.

"SONOFABITCH!" Kaiba yelled and started to make his way back behind the rock. He dove behind the boulder while Ryou chased Marik and Bakura around in his tank, firing rockets off and making them run like headless chickens. "Hey, Kaiba. The jeep blew up!" Yugi greeted, a large grin behind the visor.

Kaiba glared at him, panting, "No kidding. Thanks for the update, Yugi!" he snapped.

Bakura and Marik took cover behind another large rock while the tank kept firing at them. Marik looked at Bakura, "Hey, I havea _great _idea, Bakura. Let's get out of the jeep and sneak around back...," he was interrupted as a rocket hit the boulder they were hiding behind. Marik smacked Bakura on the helmet, "GREAT PLAN, YA IDIOT!" he screamed.

Meanwhile, Mana the tank was scanning the field and could not find any trace of Bakura or Marik. **"All targets have been eliminated," **she reported as she moved her cannon turret around, **"Searching for new targets,"**.

Kaiba walked up a cliff that was next to their hiding spot and saw that Ryou was driving the tank. "I don't believe it. Yugi!" he turned to his stranded teammate, "Ryou brought the tank and he's using it to scare away the Yami's!" he cried happily. Yugi peeked over the boulder, "Ryou? No way!".

"RYOU!" Kaiba yelled, waving his arms, "RYOU, UP HERE! Good job, why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?". Mana heard the yells and aimed the gun turret towards them, **"New Target Acquired," **she reported.

Ryou shook his head, "No, Mana. That's not a target, that's Kaiba! He's a friend of mine!" he giggled. Kaiba kept waving, "Damn right it's me, Ryou! WAY TO GO MAN!". Mana, however, couldn't tell the difference between ally or foe. It was all the same with her..a target.

**"Target Locked,"**

The poor Blue in the tank began to panic, "No! NO! TARGET UNLOCK...UNLOCK!" he begged as he tried all the switches and buttons on the console.

**"Firing Main Cannon,"**

Ryou facefaulted, "Uh oh...,".

Yugi had heard what the tank had said and knew what was coming as well, "Uh oh...,"

Kaiba looked at him, "What?". He looked back, saw the gun turret and it hit him, "Oh you sonofa-,"

The tank fired another rocket and it hit Kaiba dead on, sending the Blue Leader flying through the air. Yugi watched in shock as Kaiba fell to the ground in a crumpled heap, "HOLY FUCK! KAIBA ARE YOU OK? SAY SOMETHING!" he pleaded, tears welling up in his eyes.

He peeked over the rock and glared at Ryou and the tank, "YOU KILLED KAIBA YOU TEAM KILLING RETARD!" he screamed.

Mana lowered her gun turret, satisfied of her job**, "Auto-firing sequence, deactivated,"**

"Yugi...Yugi...,"

The King of Games heard his teammates moans and rushed over to him and knelt down, "Kaiba, you're alive! Hang in there, you're gonna be ok!" he sobbed. Kaiba slowly raised his hand, reaching for Yugi, "No...I'm not gonna make it, Yugi," he gasped, "Before I go...there's something I have to tell you...,"

Yugi nodded, "Ok, sure. What is it?"

"I've...always hated you, Yugi. I've always hated you the most...," Kaiba said weakly. Yugi stared at him and let the words sink in. He scowled, and stood up, "Yeah, well I hate you too. Now die already, you prick!" he hissed before kicking him the chest.

"Ok...hyuh...bleeeeah...," and with that, Kaiba stopped moving.

-Real World-

Brian was on the floor, covering his head while Mokuba started beating him with one of the chairs. "YOU LET THEM KILL OF SETO! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!" the pre-teen shouted with every hit.

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**Kilnorc: ok i know some people will HATE me cuz of Kaiba's death...but hey...um...LOOK A DISTRACTION! -points at random direction and runs off for his life-**


	9. Episode 9: After Kaiba

**After Kaiba**

**Disclaimer: Don't own nothing**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Bakura and Marik ran up the ramp into their own base while Malik stood nearby, still holding the blue flag. "You guys ok? What happened out there?" the Tomb Keeper asked them. Bakura sat down against a defensive wall, panting, "Big...tank...shooting...WHOOO!" he yelped, throwing his arms everywhere.

Marik looked at him, "We only ran like...300 feet, Bakura. You are _really_ outta shape if you're tired after that distance," he commented. Bakura was still panting when he gave him the middle finger, "Fuck...you...,".

Malik looked around and over the edge of the roof, "Well, where's your car?" he asked them. His dark half jerked a thumb to the wheezing Thief King, "General Patton here came up with a brilliant plan of leaving the jeep behind," he explained.

Bakura glared at him, "It would've worked if that tank hadn't show up!" he protested.

"You _lost _the jeep?"Malik asked, eyes wide, "Man, Mahado is gonna be _pissed_! Where is it?"

A loud blast made them jump and a few moments later, their lost vehicle flipped over a few times and landed right between Marik and Bakura. "What the hell?" Bakura leaned to the side just as anotherrocket hit the base wall.

"HOLY CRAP!" Malik screamed.

"SONOFABITCH!" Bakura added as they all started running around.

"What the hell is that?" Malik asked them.

Bakura pointed in the direction of the blast, "_That's_ the tank!" he screeched.

More and more rockets hit the side of the base and the trio of Red's were freaking out. Malik looked at the flag in his hands and looked up at Bakura, "Hey...Bakura? Want to hold the flag for awhile?" he asked hopefully.

The Thief King pushed the flag away from him, "Get that Ra damned thing away from me!" he ordered.

-Outside the Base-

Ryou was still sitting in the driver's seat of the tank while Yugi stood next to the tank, watching him shoot the cannon at the Blues.

"Why do you keep trying to hit the jeep?" he asked.

Ryou tried pushing some buttons, "It's on auto-lock!" he explained before another rocket was launched. "Well _unlock_ it!" Yugi yelled.

"The last time I tried that, I killed Kaiba!"

Yugi became quiet, "Oh...right...um...keep shooting the jeep then,".

-Back in the Base-

Malik, Marik and Bakura were on opposite sides of each other, hiding on different ramps. The Tomb Keeper cringed as the explosions kept coming, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, you guys...BUT I THINK WE'RE SCREWED!".

Marik nodded as Bakura looked over the edge of the rampway, "I hate to admit it, but my Light is right...,"

**_"Come in Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. Come in Blood Gulch Outpost Number One, do you read me? This is Atemu...,"_**

Bakura's hand shot to his headset and flipped on the radio, "Pharaoh! Is that you?" he asked in disbelief.

**_"Yeah, it's me. I'm currently en route to your location from my meeting at Command,"_** Atemu told him.

Marik turned his radio on, "Sir, this is Marik!".

**_"Marik, good to hear ya. How's the situation down there?"_**

Bakura gritted his teeth, but let it go, "To be honest, Pharaoh, it's goin' haywire! That new rookie we got, somehow infiltrated the Blue's base, stole the flag, the jeep is wrecked, one of the Blue's is dead, and there's a fuckin' tank outside our base blowing it apart!" he screamed.

Silence filled the radioes for a few moments until Atemu came back, **_"Am I talkin' to the right base?"_**

"God dammit, Pharaoh! We are about to die out here!"

Some more awkward silent moments passed until Atemu replied, **_"Hang tight, you guys. I gotta solution to your little 'tank' problem,"_**

Marik and Bakura looked at each other, wondering what he meant by that.

-Outside-

Yugi looked up to the sky and noticed a couple of fighter craft coming towards them. "Um...Ryou? You might wanna get out of the tank now...," he urged as he started making his getaway. Ryou banged the console, "I'm trying! I can't figure out how to open this damn thing!"

"RYOU! GET OUT NOW!"

Ryou looked up to see a line of explosives going off and they were headed right for him. It was an air-strike. "Umm...Mana? Could you...could you please open the door?" he begged, tears rolling down his eyes.

**"Driver's canopy open,"** Mana reported as the metal grate above Ryou's head hissed open. Ryou scrambled to get out as the bombs came closer.

**"Thank you, for using the M808V Main Batt-"**

**KA-BOOM!**

The tank exploded as the final bombs from the airstrike hit it while Ryou ran for his life. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! Running, running, running!" the terrified Blue whimpered as he ran away from the wreckage.

He caught up with Yugi, scared shitless and out of breath, "That...was a close one!". Yugi nodded, then looked at the flaming pile of junk that was their tank, "I know...but look what happened to the tank!"

**"I'm scared Dave...will I dream? Daaaaavvveey...Daaavveee-," **and with that, Mana went off-line as her metal exterior was burning from the explosions.

Ryou fell to his knees, "NO! MANA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he wailed, letting more tears fall from his eyes.

"NO! MANA!" Yugi joined in. He stopped and looked at Ryou, "Wait, who's Mana?" he asked. Sniffling, Ryou pointed to the ruined assault vehicle, "Mana was the lady in the tank...she was my friend," he sobbed.

Yugi slapped Ryou on the shoulder, "Dude! I_knew _you could pick up chicks in a tank!"

-Real World-

Brian leaned back in his chair, head resting on one hand, "Man...I give them a good tank and what do they do? They kill your brother and then they get it destroyed! Stupid assholes...,". Mokuba threw an unopened soda can at his head.

"OW!" Brian winced and rubbed the bump on his head, glaring at Mokuba, "Damn Mokie...I already said I was sorry about him, what more do you want?". Mokuba's response was another can. This time, it hit Brian in the forehead.

"Ow...," Brian fell out of his chair, unconcious due to the can attack.

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**Kilnorc: nice chappy? Hope so! More to come folks, stay tuned!**


	10. Episode 10: A Shadow of His Former Self

**A Shadow of His Former Self**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yugioh, Red vs Blue or Halo.**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Come in, Blue Command...repeat, come in Blue Command! This is Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha!"

"There, now your armor is clean!"

Yugi looked over his shoulder to see Ryou who was throwing away a dirty rag. He looked at himself and after spending a few hours of standing still, he could see his teal colored armor again. "Did you get all the black stuff off?" he asked, looking himself over.

**_"Come in Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, this is Blue Command, come in Blood Gulch Outpost...,"_**

"Hush, Ryou," Yugi ordered. He flipped on his radio, happy that they finally got an answer, "Command, we need help!".

**_"Roger that Blood Gulch, what is your request?"_**

Yugi shook his head, " I don't know what the military term is for it, Command, but we are pretty fucked up down here! We need men!"

His radio crackled and after a few moments, Command came back.

**_"Dude...how long have you guys been there?"_**

"What? No...no no no no no no _no!_ I mean we need more men to help us!" Yugi said quickly.

**_"Roger that, Blood Gulch. Did you get the tank we sent you?"_**

Yugi looked at Ryou who shrugged, then went back to his radio, "Yeah...but um...that got blown up too...," he said slowly.

**_"Wow...sucks to be you then,"_**

The teal armored player frowned and rolled his eyes, "Can you help us?".

**_"Well, here's what I can do,"_** Command paused for a few moments, **_"The nearest area of Blue Soldiers is about 16 days away an-,"_**

"SIXTEEN DAYS! THAT'S ALMOST 2 WEEKS!" Yugi shrieked.

**_"...OR I can contact a nearby Freelancer and have him be there in about an hour," _**Command finished, annoyed at being interrupted.

Ryou looked at Yugi, and Yugi returned the stare. "Um...I like the 'in one hour' option," Ryou piped. Yugi nodded, "Yeah, me too. Command, we like the second option,".

**_"Roger that, Blood Gulch. I will be contacting Freelancer Angel and he'll be there within the next hour. Over and out,"_**

After the transmission ended, Ryou looked at Yugi, "What's a Freelancer?" he asked curiously. Yugi looked back at him, "It's someone who works on this game, taking neither Red or Blue Side. They're pretty much players for hire," he explained.

"Like a mercenary?"

"Right! Or like you when your rent is due!"

Ryou shook his head, "Honestly, this game is changing everyone I know...but that was good, Yugi,"

"Really, you think so?"

"Oh yeah,"

_"Y-u-u-u-u-g-i-i-i-i,"_

The two Blue Soldiers lifted their weapons and spun around to see a strange sight ahead of them. It was a soldier, much like them, except it wore white armor and it was transparent.

Yugi aimed his rifle at the entity, "Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

The white armored soldier turned to him, _"I am the ghost of K-a-a-i-i-b-a-a-a...and I've come back with a warning..,"_

Ryou shook his head, "You're not Kaiba. Kaiba was wearing blue armor...you're white!" he pointed out.

It looked at him, "RYOU, SHUT UP! I'm a frickin' ghost! Have you ever seen a blue ghost?".

Yugi nodded, "Yeah, it's definitely him...,"

Kaiba cursed under his breath, "Now I gotta start all over again...,". He cleared his throat and slowly turned to Yugi, _"Y-u-u-u-g-i-i-i! I've come back with a warning...,"_

"Is it really necessary to do the voice?" Yugi inquired.

The ghost sighed, "Fine...look, I've come back from the dead to give you a warning. Don't let-,"

"What's the warning?" Ryou asked, interrupting him.

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP FOR ONE SECOND AND I'LL TELL YOU!" Kaiba roared.

Ryou shrunk back a few feet, "Oh...sorry,".

"Seriously, I come back from the Great Beyond, or whatever the hell they have in this program to tell you guys something and you interrupt me! This isn't easy, Ryou! You think I can come and go as I please? It's take a lot of time to get here!"

"I said I was sorry...,"

"I mean, it's bad enough that you _killed_ me, Ryou...I can't even get a word in edgewise!"

He sighed and turned back to Yugi, "Ok...look..,"

"Is this the warning?" Ryou asked.

Kaiba glared, "Ok, that's it. I swear to God, Ryou, your ass is haunted! When this thing is over, consider yourself haunted!"

Yugi nodded, "Yeah, Ryou...you're even starting to annoy me,"

Again he sighed and looked back at Yugi, "Look...remember when I told you I was playing on Sidewinder a few weeks before we started this?"

His teammate shook his head, "Uh...no,".

"Sidewinder? Isn't that the Ice Planet map?" Ryou asked him.

"Yes,"

"COOL! What was it like there with the tech stuff you use, Kaiba?"

"It was...cold, Ryou," he replied slowly.

The two of them stared at each other for a few moments.

"Just cold?"

"Jesus, Ryou. It's a map of a planet...made entirely of ice. It's _fucking_ cold! What more do you want, a poem?"

"Ryou, just please let him talk," Yugi begged.

Kaiba nodded, "If I may? Ok here's how it went...,"

_Flashback_

_**I was partnered up with a player called Kilnorc and we were out on patrol with some of the other Blues and Kilnorc was in the middle of telling me all this stuff about his deck...**_

Kaiba stood on a large plain of ice and snow as a soldier in front of him counted off his fingers. "With Kuriboh, Physical Double...and Magic Cylinder, that completes it," he said happily. Kaiba rolled his eyes, but thanks to the visor, his partner didn't see it.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement, but when he looked, he couldn't see anything or anyone there.

**_That's when Angel showed up. One of the other players, Private Luffy was the first one to go. He was halfway across the base and suddenly he started screaming bloody murder._**

Kaiba watched as the one known as Private Luffy started shooting at nothing, while running around in circles. "BLOODY MURDER! BLOODY MURDER!" Luffy screamed at the top of his lungs.

**_Before we knew what was going on...everyone was gone. Then Angel came for Kilnorc...he was the last one to go. Angel came up from behind, took out his skull and beat him to death with it._**

**Wait, how does someone beat someone else to death with their own skull? It doesn't seem physically possible...**

**_That's exactly what Kilnorc kept screaming!_**

He watched in shock as a soldier in black battle armor began beating his teammate with his skull. "THIS DOESN'T SCREAM PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE!" Kilnorc screeched before Angel bashed him over the head again. With a death rattle, Kilnorc went down.

_End Flashback_

"...the point is...those Freelancer guys, are a very bad group of players, and Angel...is one of the best," Kaiba finished.

Ryou scratched his helmet, "If he's as bad-ass as you say he is...why didn't he take you down?" he asked curiously.

Kaiba shrugged, "To tell you the truth, I don't know why Angel didn't finish me off. I think it's because we've run into each other one before...,"

Yugi's eyes went wide, "Really? When? Where?"

The white armored spirit sighed, "Remember that girl I told you guys about? The one I was dating? Well...let's just say the reason we didn't get married was because of Angel...,". Suddenly, Kaiba began to become more and more transparent.

"Oh crap, I'm fading fast, guys. Look, listen to my warning, don't let Angel get involved here, ok?"

Yugi nodded, "You got it, Kaiba!"

"I mean it, Yugi! No fighting, no scouting, no nothing...just be sure...," Kaiba vanished before he could finish what he was saying, leaving Ryou and Yugi alone.

"So...Angel and Kaiba were after the same girl huh?"

Ryou shrugged, "I guess I was right...she was a slut,"

While these two kept talking...they didn't even notice a figure in black armor standing behind them, arms folded across his chest.

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: That's the end, sorry for the wait, ja ne!**


	11. Episode 11: Knock Knock

**Knock Knock. Who's There? Pain.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or RvB.**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"...and then I was like 'We should go around the side, and come up behind them', so we could take 'em out! Then the tank showed up and...well, pretty much shit started blowing up,".

Yami stared at Bakura while Mahado was nearby at an overturned Warthog, trying to make repairs. As Bakura finished his story of what happened, Yami sighed and shook his head.

"Bakura...do you have any idea how hard it is to find a Warthog around here?"

The yellow armored player shrugged, "I dunno...pretty easy...pretty hard...?". Yami slowly walked up to him and pressed his visor against Bakura's.

"You're gonna kick my ass now ain't ya, Pharaoh?"

"Bakura, I'm a fair man. So, I'll give you a ten second head start before I let Mahado here chase you down and do whatever he wants to ya," Yami offered, pointing to the repair soldier nearby. The silent warrior stood up and turned around, and Bakura could swear he was smirking behind that visor of his.

"Look, for the record, as bad as I've been in the past, I'm really sorry about what happened," Bakura said slowly. Yami and Mahado looked at each other, then aimed their guns at Bakura. He held up his hands and started backing away, "Ok, I'm leaving...,". As he ran off to the base, Mahado and Yami opened fire on him.

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY, GUYS, SOMEONE COULD GET HURT!"

-----

Back at the blue base, Yugi was explaining the whole thing to the Freelancer Angel, who had arrived shortly before.

"That's pretty much it sir," he said as Angel fired off rounds from his pistol, "There's about five guys over there, and a big jeep!".

Angel's pistol clicked and he checked the chamber, "And your flag...," he added. Yugi nodded. This guy was creepy. That voice of his sounded like the guy from Blade and that gave him the creeps. He looked at Angel's target just as Angel pulled out a glowing blue orb.

"Um sir? I dunno what it's been like at the other bases you been to...but here, we don't use our teammates as targets," he said slowly, watching Ryou stand perfectly still against one of the base's pillars, dozens of bullet holes around him.

"I'm scared...," he whimpered softly.

As Ryou made his way back to the others, Yugi turned back to Angel, "So I see you have the Special Forces black armor. Didja pick that out yourself or were you in some real Special Forces at one point?" he asked jokingly.

Angel slowly turned to look at him as he reloaded his weapons. Yugi gulped, "Y-yeah, I used to black armor too...but it had all this black stuff and-,".

He didn't get to finish because Angel ran to the side of the base's roof and jumped off. "Um...ok...see ya later!" Yugi called after him. Ryou looked at Yugi, "I don't think he likes you very much...,"

"Thanks, Ryou...thanks," Yugi muttered before walking to the edge. He watched Angel make his way across the canyon. "HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!" he yelled after the Freelancer. Angel stopped and looked back at him, "Red Base. Kill everyone. Get the flag back,".

Once more, Angel started walking along the canyon floor as the other two Blues watched. "Um...ok! Good luck, Angel! We'll just stay here and guard the...teleporter...," Yugi said slowly, knowing that the Freelancer was out of hearing range.

-----

Over at Red Base, Bakura was telling the others what had happened with the Pharaoh.

"Ok, see. The Pharaoh thought that my plan was a good one, but was poor executed. Maybe it's because _somebody_ didn't believe in it," he trailed off, looking at Marik.

"That's bullshit, Bakura!" Marik snapped at him, "Yami told me that you were a retarded monkey and that he was gonna take away your weapon privileges!".

Malik walked closer to them, still holding the Blue Flag, "Hey guys? You think cuz I captured this, they'll give me my own armor?" he asked hopefully.

His dark side turned to him, "What do you mean 'capture'? You thought you were buying it at a store, you idiot!"

"Still...think there's a chance?"

"If there is, they'll probably give you Bakura's armor cuz he wrecked the Warthog,"

Bakura laughed, "Yeah, they'll...w-wait," he turned to Marik, "they wouldn't do that...would they?".

Down below, Yami was telling Mahado how to fix the Warthog. "I think if you connect that hose, to that thing there..it'll stop that rattling," he suggested. Mahado dropped his tools and looked at him. Yami nodded, "Ok...I'll just leave ya to it...,".

_Pat pat pat_

The Pharaoh turned around, hearing footsteps, but couldn't see anything. "What in the name of Ra was that?" he asked no one.

Uptop, Bakura noticed Marik was looking at something off to the side. "Sup, Marik? Something goin' on?" he asked him. The maroon-armored Yami slowly shook his head, "I thought I saw something...guess I was just imagining it...,".

Not one of them could see the faint outline of Angel who was laying in wait in the shadows of the compound. Bakura turned to Malik, "Rookie, stash that flag somewhere safe," he ordered. Malik let out a sigh of relief and walked to a large hole in the middle of the roof.

"Good idea...I was gettin' tired of carryin' that thing anyway," he said as he dropped the flag inside.

"Marik...hear that?"

"Yeah I did, Tomb Robber...what is that?"

A loud hissing sound and a light smack got their attention. Bakura turned around and backed away a little, "What the _fuck_ is that thing?" he demanded. Marik turned around and stared at Malik who didn't seem to notice that he had a blue orb attached to his helmet.

"What? What are you guys looking at?" Malik asked obliviously.

"What is that thing?"

"What thing, Bakura?"

"That thing on your head, Hikari,"

"What? Is it a spider? GET IT OFF, MARIK!" Malik hissed, not moving a muscle.

"It's not a spider...it's a fuzzy thing. A fuzzy blue thing...,"

"What, like a blue spider?"

"_No_, Malik, it's not a spider! It's like uh...Marik, little help?"

Marik peered at the object, "Looks like a fuzzy, blue, pulsating thing,".

Now Malik began to freak, "That doesn't sound much better than a spider!"

His dark half nodded, "Maybe we should try to get it off...," he suggested.

Bakura slapped him on his shoulders, "Good luck with that,".

Marik glared at him, "By _we_ I meant, _you_...asshole," he snapped.

"Well _somebody_ should try to get it off because it could be dangerous!" Malik pleaded right before the orb exploded.

"SONOFABITCH!" the two Yami's screamed in unison.

_Smack, smack, smack!_

"NO! DON'T KILL ME! I'M TOO GOOD LOOKING TO DIE!"

**-----**

Brian fell out of his computer chair, holding his sides, laughing. "Oh man...that was priceless...Mokie, did you record that?" he asked, looking at the pre-teen. The other Kaiba nodded and gave a thumbs-up, "Got it!".

"Good...and thanks for not wailing on me anymore,"

Mokuba shrugged, "Eh...Seto's back in the game anyway, so it's cool. Why is he a ghost in here anyway? Ain't he supposed to respawn?" he asked curiously. Brian climbed back into his chair and replayed some of the footage from past events.

"That's a very good question, Mokie...,"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: there's that update! hope it's good, ja ne!**


	12. Episode 12: Down But Not Out

**Down, But Not Out**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything, but my OC, Brian.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Far away, Ryou watched the massacre of the Red Base through the scope of the sniper rifle. He watched as Angel went through the ranks of the enemy team, bashing them upside their heads. "Oh man...he is _really_ kicking their asses," he told Yugi, who was nearby, in a sour mood.

"Man...why don't I ever get the fuckin' sniper rifle!" he whined. Ryou lowered the rifle and looked at Yugi, "You know...I'm really glad Angel is on our team and not theirs,". he commented. Yugi nodded, "Seems to make things a lot easier for us," he agreed.

Ryou looked back at the direction of the Red Base, then back at Yugi, "Does it seem like a fair trade to you? I mean, having Angel instead of Kaiba?" he asked. Yugi nodded, "Yeah, definitely. Seems like your killing Kaiba is really working out for us!".

"Good...I was gonna say something but I...well...uh ya know...,".

Yugi decided to switch subjects, so he looked back at the Red Base area, "Did he get inside?". Ryou looked through the rifle to see Angel make his way through the front entrance. "Yep, he's definitely inside the Red Base," he informed.

**"BLUE TEAM. FLAG RETURNED,"**

The two of them whirled around at the sound of the new voice. "Who the hell said that?" Yugi yelped.

"Ahem...sorry, guys. Had something caught in my throat," Kaiba said casually as he stood ahead of them, still a ghost.

"Look, Yugi! It's Kaiba!" Ryou said excitedly, clapping his hands together. Kaiba absently waved at him, "Hey Ryou. By the way, guys, your flag came back. How'd you do that?". Yugi and Ryou sweatdropped.

"That flag? We've always had it!" Yugi said quickly, rubbing the back of his helmet. Kaiba folded his see through arms across his chest, "Yugi...who do you think I am? Wheeler? How did-,". The white armored spirit looked around, "Hold it...where's Angel?" he demanded.

Yugi began to panic some more, "Him? Oh, he left for the...store. Something about...elbow grease...,".

"Oh for Christ's sake," Kaiba slapped himself on his helmet, then looked at his former teammates, "What was the _one_ thing I told you the last time I appeared?" he asked in a very calm voice.

Ryou put his hand under his chin, as though he were deep in thought, "You told us that Sidewinder was cold!" he answered happily. Kaiba groaned and shook his head, "What was the _other_ thing I told you?".

"Not to let...Angel get involved," Yugi mumbled.

"Damn straight, but what did you go and do anyway?"

"We let him get involved...,"

"Right. How involved?"

Ryou lowered his head, "Very _very_ involved...,".

-----

Over in Red Base, Angel was scouting the area when he heard a loud snapping behind him.

"Freeze!"

He turned around to see Yami aiming a shotgun at him, then turned to see Mahado aiming his rifle at him. "Drop your weapon, right now!" Yami ordered. Angel turned around, facing the Pharaoh and dropped everything on him.

Yami smirked behind his visor and walked up to the Freelancer, shotgun aimed at his face.

"Hey pal...? You better hope that thing knocks me out the first time," Angel warned. The Pharaoh glared at the intruder, then whacked him across the face with butt of his shotgun. Angel went down like a sack of dirt.

Up top, Bakura woke up with a major migraine. He moaned as he slowly regained his footing, "What the hell...my head...,". Holding his head, he looked around to see Malik laying motionless on the floor while Marik was standing over him.

"He's hurt, Tomb Robber. He'll make it, but we need to get him some MedPacks...now!"

Bakura winced at the sound of his teammates voice, "Hold on...what happened here, Marik? First, Malik's head exploded...then you fainted...then some big black thing came and-,"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Marik interrupted, waving his arms, "I did _not_ faint! I was knocked out!" he said defensively.

The Tomb Robber rolled his eyes, "Sure, keep lying to yourself, whatever helps you sleep,".

"Bakura, just shut up and go find the Pharaoh! We need to get Malik back on his feet!" Marik snapped angrily.

The yellow armored Thief walked to a nearby ramp and started making his way down when he stopped and turned around, "By the way, Marik...I'm fine, thanks for asking,".

Marik shook his head as he watched Bakura walk down the ramp, "Yeah, whatever...NO ONE LIKES YOU ANYWAY!" he yelled after him.

-----

Back at Blue Base, Ryou watched Bakura make his way into the base. He gulped and scanned the area with the sniper rifle.

"Oh yeah...he's definitely captured...or dead. Captured or dead...that's right. _Or_ he's captured _and_ dead!"

Kaiba cursed under his breath as Ryou kept going on with the countless possiblities of either captured or death of the Freelancer. "This is just, _perfect!_" he roared. Yugi looked at him, head tilted, "What's your problem, Kaiba? Why do you care if Angel's captured or not? I thought you were pissed at him for stealing your girlfriend!".

His ghostly teammate turned to him, "I never said I _hated_ Angel, Yugi. I just said she was the reason why we never got married...,".

Yugi stared at him as Ryou turned around slowly, having heard what he just said.

"_She_?"

-----

In Blue Base, Mahado stood guard over the capture Angel while Marik was telling the Pharaoh what happened. "We gotta get Malik some MedPacks, Yami! Or else, he's not gonna make it!" he said quickly, lightly kicking his Light.

Yami walked over and smacked him over the helmet with his hand, "Why don't you put that on a Post-It note and label it, I ALREADY KNOW THAT! Go get on the horn with command!".

He looked over at Mahado to see Angel was stirring and holding his head. "Well well well...look who's finally up. Rise and shine, boyo...you got a lot to answer for!" Yami chuckled.

Sparks flew from an exposed area on Angel's chestplate and some loud whirring noises were heard. Angel looked at the area, then up at the Red's.

"You sonsofbitches! You broke my voice filter!" she snarled.

While the others stared in shock, Bakura pointed at her, "I _knew _it! Only a girl would give me that big of a headache!" he said triumphantly, as if he really did know the whole time. Angel looked at each of them and raised an eyebrow, "What? You guys never seen a girl play Halo before?".

**-----**

Brian spat out the soda he was drinking and stared at the screen. "That voice..._she's_ the one that killed me at Sidewinder? I don't believe dis shit!". Mokuba glanced at him and rolled his eyes, "Someone's made a breakthrough...," he muttered.

His partner tackled him in response to the remark.

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: hope that was good! Ja ne!**


	13. Special: 4th of July Safety Tips

**4th of July Safety Tips**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yugioh or Red vs Blue!**

**Kilnorc: hey guys, this is for the Fourth of July, the day that the USA was liberated from England (in one or another, not sure. LOL!) enjoy watching our favorite bishies (to girls) and duelists (to anyone else) screw everything up.**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Brian was at the console, fiddling the controls when Mokuba entered, his arms filled with small fireworks. Smoke bombs, sparklers, and their personal favorite: firecrackers! "You didn't have to get those, Mokie," Brian told him, eyes not leaving the computer console. Mokuba shrugged, "Eh, I may not celebrate the Fourth of July considering it's American, but I _love_ to blow stuff up...just as long as Seto doesn't find out,".

The teen couldn't help but grin at his partner's confession, "Well, don't worry, while they're still playing, we can blow up all kinds of shit. Speaking of them...I wonder what they're doing right now...,"

-----

A truce was called for this day. For some reason, the Hikari's and Yami's decided to celebrate the same holiday, even though they didn't usually do it. Kaiba managed to solidify into a real body, his armor still white as bone, and Ryou was standing next to him in his usual deep blue armor.

They faced their fellow teammates and temporary allies. "Hello everyone, as you know, my name is Kaiba and-,"

"Sorry I'm late!" Malik panted as he ran up to them. Kaiba's eye twitched and he turned to yell at him, but stopped and stared. "Malik...where's your red armor? We're supposed to be Red, White, and Blue!".

Malik looked down to look at his now pink armor, "Oops...guess I got confused...,". Kaiba shook his head, "Let's just start over...," he suggested.

Ryou faced the others and waved at them, "Hello everyone, as you know, my name is Kaiba and-,"

"Ryou...that's _my_ line!" Kaiba hissed, glaring at him. Ryou turned to him, "You can't prove that!" he said in a quiet voice. Again, the white armored player shook his head, then turned back to the audience, "As you know already, today is July Fourth. The Americans call this, Independence Day. In Mexico...this day is known as _Cinco de Mayo_,"

His deep blue comrade put his hands on his hips, "Many of you can take this time to enjoy your wiener!".

Malik nodded and rubbed his hands together, "I know _I_ will!" he said proudly.

_Idiots..._ Kaiba thought before continuing on, "But that's not the reason why they celebrate this day. Also, it's not all about the friends, food and the picnics with the non-stop binge drinking...,"

"WHAT!" Malik screeched.

"...the true reason behind this day is that it has a lot of explosions!" Kaiba finished. Ryou clapped his hands excitedly, "YAY! IT'S FIREWORKS DAY!" he cried happily. Malik whooped, "Kick ass! I still got three fingers from last year!".

Kaiba glanced at him, _Idiot...never knew about it until today...oh well, the show must go on. _"Anyway, Ryou, Malik and I have compiled a list of safety tips that will ensure a safe and fun Fourth of July, for anyone who celebrates it! Go on guys, show them the safety list!" he ordered. Ryou and Malik ran off inside the base and a small screen was brought up for everyone to see the inside of the base.

-----

**Safety Tip 1: Never Play With Fireworks Indoors**

Ryou ran up to Malik, holding a blue orb in his hands. "Hello Malik!" he greeted joyously, "Look at this cool sparkler of mine! It's even more fun and cool because we are playing with it _inside_!". Malik pointed at it, "That's not a sparkler! That's a _grenade_!".

The blue armored soldier shook his head, "Don't worry! We are completely safe! The doors to the base are closed and locked from the inside, so we cannot escape!".

The grenade began to hiss louder and the two of them looked down at it, then back at each other.

"...oh wait a minute,".

**KA-BOOM!**

**-----**

**Safety Tip 2: Never Play With Fireworks Near An Open Flame**

Malik stood next to a barbecue grill, wearing a chef's hat and an apron over his armor that said KISS THE COOK. He was flipping some meat patties when Ryou walked up to him.

"Hey Ryou, how do you like your meat? Well done, or pink and juicy!" Malik greeted, poking the patties with his spatula. Ryou waved, "Yes, hello, Malik. I would like that fuzzy, glowing hamburger please!" he requested.

Malik looked down at the grill to see another blue orb, "HEY! THAT'S NOT A HAMBURGER! THAT'S A GRENADE!" he screeched.

Ryou smiled widely behind his visor, "I know! I switched the hamburger with the grenade when you weren't looking!" he giggled, holding up the greasy beef patty. Malik stared at him while the hissing grew louder.

Ryou looked down at the grill, "Maybe I should not of done that,"

**KA-BOOM!**

-----

**Safety Tip 3: Never Put Fireworks In Your Pants**

Malik walked up the ramp to the base and made his way to Ryou, who was standing oddly. "Hey, Ryou! You seen my grenade?" the Red asked. Ryou turned and Malik could see a bluish aura coming from Ryou's groin area.

"Yes I have, Malik. I put it in my pants!".

Again the two of them stared at one another.

"...wait,"

**KA-BOOM!**

**-----**

**Safety Tip 4: Never Aim Fireworks At Your Friends**

Kaiba patted the old tank from before and looked at the audience, "For this last bit, the part of the 'bottle rocket' will be played by our good friend, Mana. Enjoy,".

Ryou moved the tank a few yards away and stopped a couple dozen feet away from Malik. "HEY MALIK! WANNA SEE MY COOL BOTTLE ROCKET?" he called out. Malik waved at him, "TOTALLY! JUST BE SURE TO REMEMBER NOT TO AIM IT DIRECTLY AT ME!" he yelled back.

Ryou gave a thumbs-up, "DON'T WORRY! I PROMISE I WON'T FORGET WHAT YOU JUST SAID!" Humming to himself, Ryou moved the controls around and aimed the turret of the tank right at Malik.

**KA-BOOM!**

Malik flew through the air just after the rocket collided with the dirt from underneath him, leaving a large hole where he stood just moments before. Ryou popped open the hatch and watched as bits of debris and rocks landed ontop of Malik.

"Sorry, Malik! I forgot!"

-----

Sometime after the mishap, Kaiba, Ryou and Malik stood in front of the audience of their friends. Kaiba put his hands together, "Well everyone, I hope that you learned the importance of firework safety. Not just for Fourth of July, but for any holiday!"

A loud hissing noise was barely heard over his voice.

"Uh oh...,"

"Ryou? Oh crap...,"

"Running time!"

Kaiba didn't notice that the ones behind him made a mad dash for safety as a grenade was stuck to his ass. "Oh, one last thing, and quite possibly, the most important thing: Never ever let small children or even stupid teenagers play with fireworks without supervison and-...,". He paused and looked around, finally hearing the grenade's sound.

"Hey...what's that hissing noise?" he asked right before...

**KA-BOOM!**

"...R-R-R-R-Y-Y-Y-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-U-U-U-U-U!"

"Marik did it!"

The maroon Yami stood up from his place in the audience as Kaiba slowly picked himself up from the dirt, "BULLSHIT! I wasn't even in this chapter!"

Malik waved at the crowd of friends and a small window that hovered nearby, "Happy Fireworks Day, everyone!".

-----

**_"Happy Fireworks Day, everyone!"_**

Brian and Mokuba pulled away from the small window on the monitor and sat in their chair stunned. Mokuba slowly turned to Brian, "Did this seem possible to you?" he asked quietly. Brian shook his head, "Did this make any sense?" he asked back.

Mokuba shook his head, "No...,". The two of them stared at the replay of the video that was recorded for a while longer. Finally, the raven haired Kaiba sighed loudly and turned to Brian.

"Wanna go blow some stuff up?"

"HELL YEAH!"

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**Kilnorc: hope that was good, and hope y'all liked it! ja ne!**


	14. Episode 13: Human Peer Bonding

**Human Peer Bonding**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yugioh or Red vs Blue!**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

The three blues, well two blues and a ghost in this case, stood on top of their base, the information from Kaiba still echoing through their skulls. Yugi put his hand over his face and shook his head, "So lemme get this straight...you're saying that the Freelancer Angel, who came all the way over to this area and scared this shit outta us...is not only a girl, but your ex-girlfriend!".

Kaiba shrugged, "Pretty much yeah. I mean, Gardner was always full of surprises but-,"

"Whoa whoa whoa, back up. Gardner...as in _Tea Gardner_? TEA IS ANGEL?" Yugi asked, his jaw hitting the bottom of his visor. The white ghost looked away, "You didn't know that? Well with the voice filter, I'd say you wouldn't, but still. What kind of guy would help us out, and have the code-name, Angel? Seriously, I'm surprised at you...,".

Ryou nodded slowly, "I shoulda known it was a girl...she didn't like me...girls don't like me," he said sadly. Yugi waved him off, "Yeah yeah, no one likes you, Ryou," he said absentmindedly.

His teammate crouched and started to draw in the dust on the rooftop, "I like me...,".

Yugi looked back at Kaiba, "This doesn't make sense. Tea was never like this, at least not in the time she spent with us. You sure that it's not some program or some fat dude with a girl voice?" he asked.

Kaiba nodded, "Oh, believe me, I'd know if Tea was a guy...and in the very least, a fat guy,". Ryou looked up at him, "Wait...if Tea is Angel...why does she have the name, Angel instead of Tea?" he asked. His former leader looked at him, "She chose the name Angel cuz she was thought as two different Angels. The Angel of Purity, or friendship preacher as I like that reference, or the Angel of Death, or hander of ass-whooping in this gameworld,".

Ryou stared at him.

"Trust me, it makes perfect sense!"

"But why is she so aggressive, Kaiba? I mean, you can't blame her for that. Blame God. First, he makes her give out friendship speeches, now he makes her a girl version of Sephiroth!" he paused and looked up at the holographic sky, "THANKS FOR NOTHING GOD!".

Kaiba sighed, "Well you can't blame Tea for being like this. A glitch happened when she first started playing at one of the Kaiba VR system huts and since then, she's had a very aggressive, and cunning A.I. Not exactly sure on the details, but it made her go from Friendship Preacher to Xena: Warrior Princess!" he explained.

Ryou looked at him, confused, "A.I.? What does the 'A' stand for?"

"Artificial,"

"...and the 'I'?"

"INTELLIGENCE!"

Ryou shrank back, "Oh...what does the 'A' mean again?"

Ignoring him, Kaiba turned back to Yugi, "Moving on...,".

"So, she got hit with a glitch while she was playing HALO, then she's a killing machine...instead of a nice, friendly girl?" Yugi asked.

Kaiba shook his head rapidly, "Oh hell no! Tea was always a bit of a psychotic bitch. You try living with a girl that raves on and on about friendship every damn second of the day!"

"Kaiba...I've known Tea for a l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n-g time. I know how ya feel," Yugi said smugly. Rolling his eyes, Kaiba looked at Ryou, "How are you doing, Ryou? Following any of this so far?"

Ryou scratched his helmet, "I think so...that guy, Angel is a robot...and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you...a gay robot!".

Again, Kaiba sighed and shook his see-through head, "Yeah...that's right, Ryou. I'm a gay robot...,"

-----

Back in the Red Base, while they were guarding Tea/Angel, Marik and Bakura had not yet recognized her. Speaking of which, the Tomb Robber was very smug and very happy at the capture of the Freelancer.

"So...you're a girl huh? Not so tough without your weapons?"

Tea stared at him.

Marik looked at Bakura, then at the prisoner, "Just ignore him, that's what I do," he suggested. Tea looked back at Bakura, "Don't make me hurt you, baka," she warned. Bakura smirked, "Oh what are ya gonna do? Punch me?" he taunted.

Tea moved a few inches closer and Bakura moved back a few feet, "NOT IN THE FACE!" he pleaded.

-----

"Anyway, I have a plan that'll help us rescue Tea, so there's no need to worry!"

Yugi groaned, "A plan, Kaiba? I hate plans...they make us do things. We should do something that doesn't make us do stuff...like a strategy, or a mission statement?" he whined. Kaiba ignored him, "I just need you and Ryou to go out and make a distraction, and then I'll use that time to spring Tea,".

"Distraction?" Ryou repeated, "That sounds an awful lot like _decoys_,".

"Look, the way I see it, the Yami's don't know how many Freelancers are over here, working for us. You guys just need to go out and run around in black battle armor, while I go in the back and help Tea," the spirit finished.

Yugi nodded, taking the plan in. "That sounds good, Kaiba. But where are we gonna get two suits of black armor?" he inquired. Kaiba turned to the right and Yugi followed his gaze. His eyes rested on the nearby teleporter, then it all clicked.

"Aw...fuckberries...,"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: surprised everyone? Surprised that Tea, a peace loving girl is really a hardcore killin' machine? Anyone see that coming? I know someone did, so that can't do nuttin', MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ja ne.**


	15. Episode 14: Roomier Than It Looks

**Roomier Than It Looks**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Red vs Blue.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Sometime later, Kaiba waited at the teleporter exit near the middle of the canyon as Yugi went through the entrance. A short time later, Yugi shot out of the exit, his armor black instead of teal. "You ok, Yugi?" Kaiba asked him. His teammate nodded, "Yeah I'm fine," he turned to Ryou, "C'mon Ryou! It's your turn!" he shouted.

"Does it hurt?" Ryou shouted back.

Yugi shook his head, "Nah, it doesn't hurt at all!".

Ryou waved at him, "Ok! I'm going in!". Both Kaiba and Yugi watched as Ryou disappeared from sight. Kaiba turned to Yugi, "So does it hurt?" he asked.

Yugi nodded, "Oh yeah...hurts alot!".

The two of them watched as Ryou popped out of the teleporter exit, in black armor, and hopping up and down, whimpering.

"OW! OUCHIES!" he cried, then turned to Yugi, "You lied to me...,"

-----

Over at the Yami Base, the Pharaoh noticed something out in the distance. "Crap...Mahado, get over here!" he ordered. The green armored, and silent soldier walked up to him, sniper rifle in hand. Yami pointed outwards, "Take a look out there...see what I see?"

As Mahado peered out through the scope, Marik and Bakura continued their watch on Tea...sort of. "I'm telling you, Tomb Robber, it's got an L in it. B-O-L-T-H!" Marik insisted. Bakura shook his ead, "It's B-O-T-H! Damn, you sound like an ass the way you say it! I may not know much about language, but even I know what's wrong and right!".

"BAKURA! Stop blabbering and get your ass up here! We got more Freelancers out there and I want you to go see how many there are exactly!" Yami ordered, looking down at them through the hole in the roof.

Bakura moved out into view and looked up at him, "_More_? As in more than one? Maybe we should both go out there," he countered.

"B-o-l-t-h!"

The Tomb Robber looked at Marik, "Seriously, _like an ass_!". Yami shook his head, "Another _brilliant_ idea from the think tank...you two get up here and leave the prisoner alone. We'll use the honor system...she can guard herself!"

Marik nodded, "Good idea, Pharaoh!".

"DAMN RIGHT IT IS! Now get up here...we have enough time for me to spray the bullseye on your backs,". The two Red soldiers looked at him. "Um...by bullseye, I mean camoflauge," Yami said quickly, trying to cover himself.

-----

As Ryou and Yugi ran through the canyon, Kaiba fixed himself on a high ledge, quite possibly the same one where he was blown up, scouting the Red Base. Somehow, he managed to get a sniper rifle in his hands and looked through the scope.

He peered through the scope and pressed the radio on his helmet, "Come in, Yugi. This is Kaiba, this plan is working! The orange soldier is coming out of the base right now!" he reported.

-----

**"_Repeat, the orange guy is coming out of the base!"_**

Yugi nodded as he heard the news, "Roger that, Kaiba. What else do you want us to do?"

Ryou bounced up and down excitedly, "Oh oh oh! Is that Kaiba? Tell him I said hi!". Yugi turned away from him as the radio crackled and few words reached him. He shook his head, "Kaiba, could you repeat that? I didn't hear you, Ryou's talking to me," he turned to Ryou, "Shut up man, I'm on the radio!"

-----

"I said 'Just keep moving an-',"

**_"SHUT UP RYOU! I can't hear him at all! I'm _not_ yelling, just let me finish talking to Kaiba! No, you can't talk to him, how can you possibly talk to him on my headset?"_**

The white armored ghost sighed, "Oh my God...I can't believe I died for this game...," he muttered before taking off, leaving his two teammates to bicker.

-----

Bakura stood on top of the base, sniper scope in hand. He was searching the canyon for the other Freelancers, but was unable to find them.

"Seriously, I don't see...," he paused and looked straight ahead. Two Freelancers, one behind a large hill and the other one standing next to a large rock.

Bakura tilted his head to the side, "Why is he just standing there?"

-----

"RYOU! Get behind the rock, they can still see you!" Yugi hissed at his teammate.

"Nuh uh, I can't see _them_!"

"That's because you're facing the rock! Turn around!"

Ryou turned to see the base and the enemy soldiers staring at him from afar. "Oh, right, sorry," he said quickly and quietly as he moved behind the rock.

Yugi shook his head, "Real smooth...real smooth,"

-----

Bakura had alerted the others, so now Mahado and Atemu were on top the base with him. The Pharaoh watched the Freelancers and shook his head, "This isn't good. I've played games on here before, but this is so well coordinated. I haven't seen troop movements like this since- GRKATKTAK!"

The Tomb Robber and Mahado turned to see Atemu twitching slightly, "You ok?". Yami looked at him, "Er...who are you talkin' to Red, me?" he asked gruffly. Bakura rolled his eyes, "No, I'm talking to Mahado cuz...cuz you know, that's just _so_ rewarding!". The silent armored soldier turned and threw a punch at him, but Bakura managed to dodge it.

"HEY! What did I tell you about that!"

Yami looked from side to side, "Er...yes I'm fine. I'm...just so God damn pissed off about those Hikari bastards! I'm so mad...I...I can spit!". A loud hawking sound was heard inside the Pharoah's helmet, followed by a spitting sound.

Bakura and Mahado glanced at each other, then the Tomb Robber looked at his supposed leader, "Um...did you just spit inside your own helmet?" he asked slowly. The Pharaoh rubbed the back of his head, "Yeah...yeah I guess I did!".

"Mind if I say something, Pharaoh?" Bakura asked.

"Go right ahead,"

"That's really fuckin' gross,"

-----

While the Pharaoh was acting oddly, Ryou and Yugi were still behind their hiding spots. Ryou was bored, and excited at the same time. He turned to Yugi, "I'm having a really good time here, Yugi!" he said cheerfully.

"That's uh...that's great, Ryou,"

The dark blue player nodded, "It's like we're actual soldiers!"

"Would you go hide behind another rock?" Yugi asked.

-----

Yami entered the interior of the base and walked up to Marik who was guarding Tea. "Hey...how's it going, yo?" he greeted. Marik turned around and looked at him, "Um...ok. It's goin' fine I guess. What's goin' out there, sir?"

"What? Nothin' why would you ask me that!"

Marik raised an eyebrow, "It's a perfectly reasonable question in a time of war...,".

Yami walked up to him, "You're acting kinda suspicious there...other Red guy,". Marik shrugged and turned back to Tea, "Well I'm just saying tha-,"

_WHACK!_

Marik fell to the ground after Yami hit him with the butt of his pistol, "Oh man, the back of my head!".

Tea stared at Yami, "What the hell are you doing!" she demanded. The Pharaoh backed away and looked at her, "Tea...it's me, Kaiba! I've come to rescue you!". The black armored female looked him over, "You seem a little short to be Kaiba...," she told him.

"Huh?" he looked himself over, "Oh the Red armor..ok hang on. GERKAKRAK!". Kaiba seperated himself from Atemu's body, which he had possessed obviously, and now stood beside Tea.

The Pharaoh looked around, disoriented, "What the hell...where am I? Hey, who spit on my visor?" he asked, confused.

"Tea, I don't have much time, so I'll give you the short version. I died in the game, and somehow, I'm a spirit and I've possessed the Pharaoh to come bust you out, while the others are outside running around in black armor that they got from going through the teleporter!" the white spirit gasped for air (even though it was futile).

She looked at Kaiba for a few moments, "...okay,".

Kaiba stared, "Okay? That's it? This doesn't surprise you at all?" he asked, not believing Tea's calmness. Tea shook her head, "No not really...we've been through weirder stuff before,".

"So it doesn't even disturb you that I'm ghost in this game?"

"I can see _right_ through you, it's pretty obvious!"

"Oh...ok, just let me hop back into the Pharaoh and we'll get outta here!"

"GRAKARAK!"

-----

Yugi was bored out of his mind. Kaiba hadn't called them back and they didn't have any new orders. He looked over to Ryou to ask if he was bored when he saw the fellow Blue crouched next to him, holding a sniper rifle.

"Ryou...what are you doing?" he asked, moving closer.

The Tomb Robber's Hikari nodded to the base, "One of the Red's have Tea. I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and save Tea. That way, Kaiba will forgive me for killing him and we will be friends!".

Yugi stared at him, "You don't actually _believe_ that do you?" he asked. Ryou lowered the crosshairs until it rested on the Pharaoh's helmet, "Oh...we're going to be the _best_ of friends...,".

-----

Kaiba looked around the outside with Tea at his side. So far, the other Red's didn't notice anything was wrong. He turned to her, "Ok, you ready? I'm gonna make one more distraction, then you can run up to the teleporter and escape. One...two...three!"

**_BAM!_**

A loud gunshot echoed through the canyon and Yami fell to the ground, a large hole in his helmet. Kaiba now stood in his place in ghost form. He looked around, "What the hell...where'd my body go!".

As he looked around, he noticed his teammates a short distance away, one of them holding a sniper rifle. He clenched his fists and a large vein began to throb on his forehead.

"Oh...YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!"

Ryou tossed the rifle to Yugi and pointed to him, "Yugi did it!".


	16. Episode 15: How the Other Half Lives

**How the Other Half Lives**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Red vs Blue or Yu-Gi-Oh!**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Yami walked around the large space that was laid before him. It looked alot like the canyon, except that everything was very pale and every sound he made had a loud echo to it.

"Hello! Is there anyone here? HELLO!" he called out. He listened as his words bounced off the walls of the canyon. "I SAID IS ANYONE HERE!" he screamed.

"Holy cow, calm down and stop screaming. _I'm _here," a voice nearby replied. Yami turned to see a soldier, much like him, but only in white armor. "What _is_ this place?" Yami asked the stranger, waving to the surrounding area.

Kaiba grinned behind his visor, Yami didn't know yet. He put on a fake sympathy act and patted him on the shoulder, "It's kinda hard to explain...you're dead man. You got shot in the head,".

"So...am I dead?"

The white armored entity tapped it's helmet thoughtfully, "Are you dead...yeah, that's pretty much how I am here right now," he replied. Yami looked him over, "So are you some kind of angel?" he asked slowly.

Kaiba chuckled, "Am I an angel...hehe...um yes. Yes, I am an angel. If you wanna get into heaven," he held out his hand, "You gotta pay ten rare cards to get in,".

Yami stared at him and patted his armor, "I um...didn't bring my deck or anything, though. It's back wherever I left it. Is that really how you get into heaven?" he asked the 'angel'. Kaiba shrugged and pulled his hand away, "Oh well, if you can't pay, enjoy your eternal damnation to hell, man,".

The Pharaoh folded his arms, "I don't even remember dying...,". Kaiba nodded, "Yeah, that's my fault, I'm afraid. I kinda possessed your body around the time you got shot...," he trailed off. Yami glared at him, "Now that's not fair!" he snapped. Kaiba returned the glare, "Join the frickin' club man, I got shot by my own tank!".

**"Target Locked...,"** a mechanized voice chimed in.

Kaiba and Yami turned to see a large tank aiming it's gun turret at them. Kaiba glared at the machine, "Very funny, Mana. I still haven't forgiven you yet, so don't talk to me. Go back to the base, shoo shoo!" he shouted, waving his arms around at it. The tank slowly turned and sped off to a lone building in the distance.

"Hey check it out...,"

The two of them turned to see a window leading back to the game world, and Bakura and Marik were attending to the fallen Pharaoh. Bakura pounded on Yami's armored chest.

**"ATEMU! WAKE UP DAMMIT, DON'T YOU GIVE UP ON ME!"**

"What the hell...what _is_ that?" Yami asked, not sure of what he was seeing. Kaiba looked at them both, "Looks like both of your teammates are trying to save you," he reasoned. They watched as Bakura began to slam the butt of his shotgun into Yami's chest.

**"YOU GOTTA BREATH MAN! YOU GOTTA PULL THROUGH!"**

Yami couldn't believe what he was seeing. "That is not how it goes, Bakura! Use your head dammit!" he roared. Kaiba shook his head, "They can't hear you...,".

**_"Hey Bakura, that ain't working...maybe you should try something else!"_**

Kaiba felt ill, "If they try to give you mouth to mouth, I'm leavin'," he warned.

**_"Maybe you should try giving him mouth to mouth!"_**

"That's it, I'm leaving,".

Yami sniffed, "I can't believe they're trying to save me...,". Kaiba looked at him and raised an eyebrow, "Why wouldn't they?" he asked, "I mean _my_ team didn't but still that doesn't mean your guys wouldn't for you,". Yami lowered his head, "I didn't think they liked me...,".

"Well I don't like you, but here I am, an angel ready to guide you to Heaven for only five rare Duel Monster cards...,"

"Hold on...if you're an angel," Yami walked around Kaiba, looking him over, "How come you don't have any wings?".

"Because no one rang a bell, hahaha! Seriously, you got the cards or not?" Kaiba answered. Yami sighed and looked back at the window, "I feel the worst for Bakura in this situation. I always diss him and fuck with his head, but I never even told him...he was my son,".

Kaiba snapped his head, staring at him, "No way...the orange dude is your _son_?" he asked in disbelief. Yami let out a loud laugh, "Naw, I just wanted to screw with his head one last time. But now I'll never get that chance...," he groaned sadly.

**"WE DID IT! HE'S BREATHING!"**

Yami lifted his head and stared at the two Red's, "What?"

"WHAT!" Kaiba shrieked.

"Well I'll be...they saved me," Yami began to float through the air towards a bright light in the sky. Kaiba began to run after him, "WAIT! WE NEED TO EVEN THE SIDES!" he screamed. Yami waved at him as he floated, "Thank you wingless angel! Will I remember any of this?" he called.

"YES! BUT ONLY IF YOU GIVE ME TWO RARE CARDS!"

-----

Yami coughed harshly as he slowly rose to his feet. He looked around to see Marik and Bakura standing by, "What the hell just happened?" he demanded. "You were shot in the head, and we gave you CPR and saved you!" Marik said quickly. Yami couldn't help but smile at the demented, yet oddly nice Yami, "Well done, Marik. I knew you always had some good in you somewhere," he said proudly.

Marik pointed to Bakura, "Actually, Bakura came up with the idea and he gave you the CPR, Pharaoh...you should be thanking him,".

Yami turned to Bakura, "Tomb Robber...what the hell were you thinking? What kind of idiot decides to give CPR as treatment for a bullet wound to the head?" he snapped. Bakura sighed, "You could at least say thank you...,".

"Oy, Bakura, I think I feel a heart attack coming on, why don't you give me one of those deep tissue massages?"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: There's that one, ja ne!**


	17. Episode 16: A Slightly Crueler Cruller

**A Slightly Crueler Cruller**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Red vs Blue or Yu-Gi-Oh!**

_spanish speech _**(Don't ask, just go with it)**

**Kilnorc: hey there fans! Before I start this off, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to a new reviewer of mine. This chapter is dedicated to littleslg, who in reading this, she had lost her spleen in laughter. thank you and get readin'!**

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"Guys, check this out! Command gave me my own color armor because I got the flag from the Blue Base. This is frickin' sweet!".

Bakura and Marik stared at their teammate in utter silence. They looked at each other, then back at him.

"Um...Malik?"

"What, Marik?"

"About your armor...,"

"What about it?"

"It's kinda...of...um...Bakura?" Marik turned to the Tomb Robber, "You wanna help me out here?"

"It's pink, Malik. It's frickin' pink!"

Malik put his hands on his hips and looked down at his armor, which was indeed pink, "The hell it is! It's not pink!"

"PINK!"

"Yeah, Malik, it's definitely pink," Marik nodded.

The Tomb Keeper stared at them, "You guys are colorblind, why would they give me pink armor?" he demanded. Bakura shook his head and waved his hands, "Hey, don't ask, don't tell,".

Marik broke into a small laugh and looked at his orange armored teammate, "That's not funny,". Bakura started to laugh and looked back at him, "It is a little funny...," he countered. Malik looked at his armor again, "It's not pink you guys, it's a lightish red!".

"Well guess what, Tomb Keeper. They already have a name for lightish red. You know what that is? PINK!"

"...I hate you guys," the pink Tomb Keeper whimpered.

"Well hello, dirtbags!"

They all turned to see the Pharaoh and Mahado come up the ramp and walk towards them. Yami stopped a few feet away and looked at Malik, then nodded to him, "And a fine hello to you, Madam," he said politely.

"It's lightish red!" Malik snapped, becoming angry at the cracks.

Yami waved him off, "Don't get your panties in a bunch, Barbie. Do you have a package for me?" he asked. Malik, relieved that no more cracks about his armor color came, nodded and pulled out a large metal object, "Yes sir, one speech unit!"

"Speech unit?" Bakura asked, confused.

The Pharaoh took the object and walked behind Mahado, "Good job, Malik. They were out of speech units when I started building Mahado, but now with this, maybe I can actually have a conversation with someone intelligent!" he turned to Marik, "No offense to you, Marik,".

Marik nodded, "It's ok, Pharaoh, I know who you mean," he glanced at Bakura who turned to him. "Wait, Mahado's a robot?" Bakura asked. Marik looked at him, "You didn't know that?" he asked, "You didn't notice that he never talks?". Bakura shrugged, "I always thought he was a real quiet guy...or at least a game program," he said defensively.

Yami leaned out from behind Mahado, "What about the fact that he drank motor oil and slept standing up?".

"Well, I always thought that the motor oil was strange, but I also thought he was trying to impress me,"

Marik looked close at his team leader and the object in his hand, "Uh, Pharaoh, you might wanna be careful. You should ground yourself before you use that," he advised. Yami looked up at him, "Why?" he asked.

"Cuz of the static. If you don't ground yourself before you use that, the static could damage the card," he explained. Yami was surprised that Marik would know about stuff like this, but decided otherwise, "That's just an urban legend, Marik, they only say that to sell those bracelets...,".

Bakura and Marik glanced at each other while Yami went back to work, "I also suppose that if I mix Pop Rocks with soda, my stomach will blow up an-," the Pharaoh was cut off by a large spark of electricity that made him pull back his hand.

"You ok, Pharaoh?" Marik inquired.

"Yeah, I'm fine,".

"For your benefit, I won't say I told you so,".

The Pharaoh nodded, "Good, I'd hate to make Strawberry Shortcake over here," he pointed to Malik, "to be my new favorite,". Malik stomped his foot, "It's not pink! IT'S LIGHTISH RED!" he screamed.

-----

Ryou and Yugi stood just outside the Red base, cleaning off each other's armor. Yugi's was wiped clean of black stuff while Ryou still had his armor covered.

"You know...this stuff does not come off easy," Ryou panted as he finished Yugi's teal armor. Yugi nodded, "I know, it was so much easier when it was just my armor,". Ryou glared at him, "You think that's because of um...um...you didn't do anything!" he snapped.

"I'm sorry, what was that? I didn't hear you over the noise of your constant team killing, Ryou!"

"Oh? Ha..ha, ha...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ryou stopped laughing and glared at Yugi, "Don't make me mad...," he whispered.

-----

"So what happened to me anyway?" Malik asked, looking at Bakura and Marik, "The last thing I remember, was something about a spider on my head,".

Marik shook his head, "It was a grenade,".

"Then there was this big bang, and Marik fainted, and then-,"

"HA! I told you, you fainted!" Bakura yelped triumphantly, smiling at Marik.

"I did NOT faint!"

Yami stepped away from Mahado, clapping his hands together, "Done and done! Mahado, activate speech unit!" he ordered. The three Reds watched Mahado make a clicking noise, then a whirring noise.

"_Buenos dias,"_

The three of them stared at the cyborg. Bakura turned to the Pharaoh, "Why is he speaking Spanish? We don't know any spanish!". Yami tapped the bottom of his helmet in thought, "Must've been the static. Mahado. Do. You. Understand. Us? How. Do. We. Fix. You?" he asked very slowly.

Bakura rolled his eyes, "Why are you speaking so slowly, that ain't gonna help!"

Yami glared at the Tomb Robber, then turned to Mahado. "Mahado, would you like to shoot Bakura?" he asked.

Mahadonodded and pulled out a pistol, "_Si senor, gracias,"_

"WHOA HEY! PUT THAT DOWN! ALTO! ALTO!"

"Alto, means tall, dumbass,"

"Then why do they have it on all those stop signs in the books, Marik!"

-----

"Mokie! I need you!"

The pre-teen ran over to his partner at his station, "Sup, Brian?". His partner pointed at the screen, "This thing's all messed up with Mahado. He's speakin' Spanish! I don't know Spanish, except some choice words, and maybe one phrase!"

"What phrase?" the boy asked him.

"_Tango el gato in los pantolones,_"

Mokie blinked and stared at him, "What the hell does that mean?". Brian grinned, "I have a cat in my pants," he replied. Mokuba sweatdropped, and turned back to the monitor, "So he's speaking Spanish and we can't understand, what the hell do you want me to do about it?" he demanded.

"You're smart right? Put up some damn subtitles!"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: There's that chapter! Seriously, I really don't know Spanish very well, so I skipped some dialogue, heheheh. Anyway, I hope this was a good chapter, and I'll see you guys soon! Ja ne!**


	18. Episode 17: Points of Origin

**Points of Origin**

**Disclaimer: Don't own either series, so ya can't sue!**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"As far as I know, I'm square with you, Seto,".

Yugi and Ryou looked at Kaiba.

"I just saved you from a imprisonment that could've lasted Ra knows how long, how is that square with _me_?"

Yugi and Ryou looked at Tea.

"Because _I_ didn't kill _you_ at Sidewinder!"

Yugi and Ryou looked at Kaiba again.

"I don't really see how not killing someone counts as doing them a favor...,".

Yugi and Ryou looked at Tea again.

"Well if you don't appreciate, Seto, I could always kill you right now,"

"No you can't, I'm already dead, bitch! I guess the jokes on you!"

"STOP IT! STOP IT!" Ryou covered his visor with his hands, and sobbed, "Can't you see you're tearing us apart!" he turned to Tea, "What about _us_?".

Tea looked at him, "What _about_ you?"

Ryou sniffed, "We helped you too! We helped you and what do we get...nothing!"

"Well, yeah but...,"

Kaiba looked at Tea, "Yeah, but nothing. He's got a point,".

"I did help them get the flag back," Tea reminded him.

"But we paid you to do that, Tea," Yugi interjected, "We helped you out of the prison cuz we wanted to!"

Tea sighed and shook her head, "Fine, I'll stay with you guys for as long as it takes to help you guys win this thing. But when this is over, I'm gone! What do you want me to do?" she asked.

Yugi shrugged, "Hell, I dunno, Tea. If you knew how to fix a tank, I'd give you that job,".

"Ok,"

Ryou, Kaiba and Yugi stared at her. Ryou pointed at her, "You mean you can fix, Mana?" he asked. Tea nodded, "Yeah...,".

"...I love you,"

**-----**

Bakura, Marik and Malik stared at Mahado, who had been speaking in Spanish for a few hours now non-stop. "For the love of Ra. First, he doesn't talk at all and now he won't stop!" Bakura muttered under his breath.

Marik nodded, "Yep,". Bakura turned to him, "You got any idea what he's saying?" he asked. Marik looked at him, "How the hell would I know?".

"Um...well, you know. You're of Latino persuasion," the Tomb Robber said slowly. Marik slapped him upside his helmet, "No I'm not! Ishtar is not a latino name, and I'm from Egypt, remember dumbass!" he snapped.

"But I thought...,"

"What?"

"Nevermind...,".

Malik looked at both of them, "I'm from Egypt too, don't forget that!".

The two Yami's glared at him, "NOBODY CARES!" they yelled in unison.

-----

The three Blues and Tea made their way to the overturned battle tank that lay halfway between the Red and Blue Bases. The others took cover behind the tank while Kaiba remained out in the open.

"Careful guys," he warned, "When I was over at the Yami's base, I saw that they already had their jeep fixed,". Ryou looked away from Tea and the tank and at Kaiba, "I got a question, though, Kaiba. Even if we manage to fix Mana, how are we gonna get her turned over? It's not like we can-,".

A loud scraping noise made Ryou turn back around to see Tea had a firm grip on Mana's side and was lifting the tank off the ground. Tea grunted and flipped the tank over onto it's treads. Ryou's pupils shrank and he turned back to Kaiba, "She is a very strong lady...," he whispered.

"Look, I'm the least visible. I'm gonna go to higher ground and scout around. If I see anything, I'll let you guys know," Kaiba said as pointed to a cliff behind him.

Ryou bounced up and down, "Great! I'll come with you, Kaiba!"

"That kinda defeats the purpose, Ryou,"

"But, what if I'm really, _really...quiet_?" Ryou whispered.

Kaiba stared, "Do you even _know_ what the term, visibility means, Ryou?" he asked.

Ryou laughed loudly, "That's a good one, Kaiba!".

"Seriously...do you, Ryou?"

"...no, not really,".

The white spirit rolled his eyes, "Ryou, just stay here and try not to swallow your tongue," he ordered as he walked away towards the cliff.

Yugi watched his former leader walk off, "Just keep an eye on the Yami Base and let us know if anything happens!" he called out. He walked over to Tea who had found a large set of tools and was currently trying to repair Mana.

"So I guess since you're helping us, you're not as mean as you let us think," he observed. Tea stopped the repairs and looked at him, "I wouldn't say I'm mean...I just get paid to do mean things," she explained.

"But you like doing those mean things," Yugi pointed out.

Tea shrugged, "I think it's important to enjoy what you do...,".

Yugi rubbed the chin of his helmet, "Hmm...so let's say I paid you to kill Ryou," he paused and the both of them turned to look at Ryou who had his back to them, "you would do it?" he asked. Tea looked at Ryou and back at Yugi, "Is this a hypothetical question or should we start talkin' numbers?" she asked, a hint of glee in her voice.

"I don't wanna talk about this anymore...," Yugi mumbled, looking off to the side.

"YUGI!"

The teal armored player looked behind him towards the cliff where Kaiba was currently positioned, "WHAT?" he yelled back.

Kaiba came into view, "What the hell is my body still doing up here!" he demanded.

"Well, you're dead Kaiba. It doesn't move around that much anymore. I don't think you have a good grasp of this concept yet," Yugi replied.

"Ok, let me rephrase my question...why the hell haven't you buried my body yet?" Kaiba shouted.

"Bury? Kaiba, not only are we in just a game, but all we got are pistols and rifles! What do you want me to do, shoot you a grave? What point would there be if we did that!" Yugi shouted back.

The white spirit wanted to go down and strangle him, "Well at least do something respectful for my body! I'm dead after all!".

Yugi nodded, "Ok, some respectful?" he turned to Tea, "Tea, as Kaiba's girlfriend, would you like to say a few words?". Tea looked at both of them, then went back to doing her repair job. Yugi made a fake sniffing noise, "That was a stirring eulogy...,".

He looked back to Kaiba and waved, "Rest in peace, good buddy!"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: there's that one! whew, i'm on a roll today! ja ne for now!**


	19. Episode 18: SPF 0

**SPF 0**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Red vs Blue or Yu-Gi-Oh!**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Kaiba, Yugi, and Ryou stood around Kaiba's corpse on the cliff, looking down at it. Kaiba still couldn't believe that this was still here...those bastards on his team couldn't even do a simple burial. Idiots...

"I have an idea!" Ryou cried.

His other teammates remained silent and he looked at them, "I SAID I HAVE AN IDEA!" he screamed.

Yugi tapped his helmet, "We know, Ryou, we heard you the first time. We just chose to ignore you!".

Ryou turned to Kaiba, who was still staring at his own body, "Since you possessed that Red Guy, maybe you could do the same thing, and possess your own body!" he suggested. Kaiba sighed and looked at Ryou, "I see. That way, I'll be living inside my own dead body...,".

"Yes!"

"Lying there, completely still...rotting in the sun for all eternity?"

"_Yes_!"

"Great idea, Ryou, I'll get _right_ on that...," Kaiba promised, sarcasm dripping off every word. Sensing the sarcasm coming from Kaiba, Ryou knelt down and began to draw circles in the dirt, "You're such a mean ghost...," he whimpered.

Yugi began coughing and waved his hand in front of his visor, "Kaiba, you really stink!" he said, gagging behind his helmet. Kaiba looked at him, "What!". Yugi pointed to the motionless corpse, "Your body, it really smells!".

His former leader glared hard at him, "Yugi, the first chance we get, you are gonna bury my body!" he ordered.

"Quit your bitching, Kaiba. It's not like anything's gonna happen to it!"

Kaiba pointed at his former vessel,"IT'S A FRICKIN' INDIGNITY! My body fought long and hard for this, and it deserves a proper, respectful burial!"

"Dude, you're dead already. Get over it! It's not like it could get any worse!"

"Hey guys!"

Both Kaiba and Yugi looked at Ryou, who was currently staring up at the sky, "WHAT!" they screamed. Ryou pointed to the sky above him, "There are some birds up there...but why are they flying around in a circle like that?" he wondered aloud.

Kaiba groaned, "Oh God...,".

-----

"Ok, I'll go again. I spy with my little eye, something that begins with...,"

"Dirt,"

Bakura looked at Marik, "Damn, dude. You're good at that. How'd you know?"

"Cuz you did rock last time. That's all that's out here. Rocks and dirt!".

The Tomb Robber nodded and looked out to the canyon, "Man, this place sucks...,".

-----

"How much longer do you think it'll take for Tea to fix the tank?" Kaiba asked Yugi as the two of them watched the black armored female walk around the armored assault vehicle. Yugi shrugged, "Shouldn't be too much longer. She said the gun's working, and that she's almost got it able to move around," he replied.

Kaiba growled, "Well that's just _fantastic_!".

Yugi looked at him while Ryou kept an eye on the Red Base with a sniper rifle, "Why would that upset you, Kaiba?" he asked. Kaiba turned to him and pointed to the tank and it's repairwoman, "Cuz as soon as she's done with the repairs, she's gonna use it against the Reds and every one of them will die!" he explained.

"Um...yeah...that's kinda the point of this game. That's a _good_ thing," Yugi said slowly. Kaiba shook his head, "No, Yugi, that's not a good thing. As soon as the Reds die, Tea's gonna leave for some other maps...and I _still_ don't know how to get rid of that A.I. that's always with her,".

Ryou lowered his rifle and looked away in thought, "A.I ...,"

"Shut up, Ryou!"

"And if I don't get it out before she leaves...," Kaiba trailed off.

Yugi nodded, "It'll be very hard to find her once she leaves!" he finished. Kaiba nodded, "Bingo, Yugi!".

"So what are you gonna do?" the teal colored player asked his former leader.

Kaiba chuckled and shook his head, "I guess I'm going to do the _only_ thing I _can_ do...I got to warn the Yami's before Tea fixes the tank and gets it up and running again...,".

Yugi stared at him in shock, "You're switching sides?" he asked, not believing if he heard right. The spirit shrugged, "I'm sorry guys, I can't do anything else, I can't help it!".

Ryou looked at Kaiba, "Um...what if those Red guys...come out here to stop Tea, and then they come with guns...and try to kill us?" he asked, slowly. "I'll try ot help you in any way that I can, guys," Kaiba swore as he began to disappear once again, "Good luck guys!".

Yugi and Ryou stood there and watched as Kaiba completely vanished. Ryou looked at Yugi, "Does that mean I can try to kill Kaiba now?" he asked innocently. Yugi turned to him, "How about this, Ryou? You can kill me if you want. I promise I won't come back as a ghost," he offered.

The blue armored player turned away in silence and looked through his rifle scope. He watched as some Reds walked around their base and let out a gasp, "Oh my god! LOOK, YUGI!" he cried.

"No, Ryou...,"

"They have a girl, Yugi!" Ryou said excitedly.

Yugi turned and strained his eyes to see the Red Base, "A _what_?".

"A girl, a girl! Look...pink armor!"

Yugi sighed and lowered his head, "Man, why do _they_ get a girl?" he whined.

**_"You guys do know I'm a girl right...and that I'm standing right here?"_**

Both of them turned and looked down at Tea who was looking up at them, her arms crossed. "We know, Tea," Yugi replied, "It's just that they have a _girl_ girl," he explained.

**_"And what the hell is THAT supposed to mean?" _**she demanded.

Ryou and Yugi looked at each other, then back at Tea. "NOTHING!" they said together, moving out of her view and up against the rock wall.

Yugi looked at his friend, "Hold on...if Tea heard _that_, you think she heard Kaiba's plan about warning the Yami's?" he asked. Ryou tapped the chin of his helmet, "I don't know...but I _do_ know how to find out!".

Ryou walked to the edge of the cliff and looked down at Tea, "Hey! Tea!" he yelled. Tea put down her tools and looked up at him, again.

"Did you happen to hear Kaiba's _secret_ plan to tell the Red's that your...fixing the tank?" he asked, pushing his fingers together. Instead of replying, Tea turned around and went back to work on repairing the tank.

Ryou turned to Yugi, "I don't think she knows. Unless...she can read minds! She can't read minds, can she?" he asked in a fearful tone.

Yugi just stared at him in silence, and Ryou stared back at him.

"Can you hear what I'm thinking...?"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: there's another one! hope it was good! ja ne!**


	20. Episode 19: Last One Out, Hit the Lights

**Last One Out, Hit the Lights**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Red vs Blue or Yu-Gi-Oh!**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_"speech" - spanish  
text- emphasis or thought  
__**"speech" - radio chatter  
**"_**Speech" - tank**

Deep in a rocky region of a ringworld, in a small canyon, two people stood on top of a small concreted building that was decorated with various markings painted in blood red. One of these figures was wearing an orange suit of heavy combat armor with a visored helmet and the other one was wearing the same kind of suit, only it was dark maroon.

They stood there, watching the wind blow, sending bits of sand and grass flying through the air as they fingered the assault rifles in their grips. The one in maroon looked at his companion, "Hey, Bakura...,". The orange clad soldier looked at him, "Yeah, Marik?".

"You ever wonder why we're here?".

"No...I never wonder we're here," the Tomb Robber replied.

"GRAKAKAKAKAK!"

They both turned around at the sound Mahado had made. "What's wrong with Mahado?" Marik asked, "He blow a fuse?".

Bakura shrugged, "Beats the hell outta me. Mahado, you ok?" he asked.

_"Guys, I need to give...you a...warning...," _he stopped for a few moments, _"Wait, why am I speaking Spanish? I don't know any Spanish!"_

Marik slowly nodded, "Ok...sure...,"

_"No, listen to me! The mean woman isgoing to kill you!" _Kaiba/Mahado pleaded, _"She's fixing the tank!"_

-----

Yugi was watching Tea from their cliff hiding spot and groaned, "Oh crap...this ain't good. Ryou," he turned to his partner, "Tea's almost done fixing Mana...I gotta radio Kaiba and tell him!".

"Oh! Oh oh oh oh!" Ryou bounced up and down excitedly, "Yugi, please! Yugi, Yugi, Yugi, Yugi please!"

The teal armored player sighed, "Yes, Ryou, you can talk to Kaiba...," he muttered. Ryou smiled behind his visor, "Thank you, Yugi!". He reached up and flipped a switch just beside his visor, "Come in, Private Kaiba. This is your close, _personal_ friend...Private Dartz!"

Yugi raised an eyebrow, "Ryou...your name isn't Dartz! Jesus, I think all this gameplay and no sleeping have finally made you snap!". Ryou turned around and rubbed the back of his helmet, "I guess your right, Yugi. Sorry, I don't want to be difficult...,".

He turned back around and tried the radio again, "Come in, Private Kaiba. Do you copy? Soldier Unit Tea almost has the armored vehicle rectified. We require verification of your mission...ness,". Static came back to him, and he cleared his throat loudly, "How is your progression coming?" he added in a happy tone.

**_"Ryou! No one here will listen to me! For some reason, I can only speak Spanish!"_**

Ryou stood there in silence. Kaiba had replied back, but for some strange reason, he was speaking in another language, and it was one he didn't understand. As an act of both desperation and ignorance, he turned to Yugi, "He says he wants to talk to you...,".

**"Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank...," **Mana's familiar voice boomed through the air. Yugi leaned over and looked down to see Tea climb into the armored vehicle.

"Oh shit...we got trouble,"

-----

Marik and Bakura stood on the roof of the Red Base, watching Mahado/Kaiba try to communicate with them, but it was useless...not one of them could speak Spanish. Marik shook his head, "Dude, if your gonna live in this country, use the language of Japanese!" he sighed.

Bakura looked at him, "What country? Marik, we're on an alien world, in a video game!" he reminded his teammate. Marik looked back at him, "Shaddup...,".

**KA-BOOM!**

Both Marik and Bakura spun around to see the tank from before shooting rockets at them. The first one had hit a pillar just behind them, saving their lives.

"SONOFABITCH!" Marik screamed.

"SONOFABITCH!" Bakura agreed in a shriek.

"_MADRE DE DIOS_!" Kaiba screamed. (means, sonofabitch, btw)

-----

Yugi paced around on the cliff while Ryou kept an eye on things. He let out a growl and glared at Ryou, "I'm really sick of having to ask people what they see with the sniper rifle..but what's going on?" he asked anxiously.

Ryou glanced back at him, then looked back at the base in the distance, "Kaiba is very mad at us...,". Yugi threw his hands in the air, "Oh _that_'s a nice change of pace!".

-----

"Marik, I'm coming around in the Warthog, get ready to hop in and take the gunner position!" Yami cried as he climbed into the drivers seat of the jeep. While he did that, Marik and Bakura were seeking refuge on one of the cement ramps their base had while Tea let loose several more rockets on them.

"You got it, Pharaoh!" Marik replied. Bakura hunched down against the wall, "I'm...just gonna stay here and protect the ramp," he said quietly. Marik smirked, "You do that. This ramp is very important to the success of our battle...,".

A roaring noise arrived over the rocket sounds as Yami pulled the Warthog up, a few feet ahead of them. Marik patted Bakura on the shoulder, jumped into the back of the jeep, and took hold of the mounted machine gun.

Yami stomped on the gas pedal and soon the two of them were now heading towards the tank. The Pharaoh looked over his shoulder, "Here's the plan, Marik...,".

Just as he was about to tell his gunner the plan of his, Tea fired off another rocket and it the jeep head on. Both Yami and Marik flew into the air, cursing and screaming while the Warthog flipped over and landed hard on the dirt.

The two of them picked themselves up and made a dash for their base. Bakura was still in his place when they miraculous escape. "Wow...back so soon? You guys win already? The war's over?" the Tomb Robber asked, grinning widely behind his visor.

Marik ignored his friend and looked at the Pharaoh, "So, you wanna tell me the rest of the plan now?" he asked. Yami looked at both of them, "If we survive this...I'm gonna kill the both of you...slowly...,".

"Psst...Marik,"

Marik turned to Bakura, "What?"

"By the way...the ramp is safe!"

Another explosion rocked the base, knocking the Pharaoh off his feet. "Hey, what are you guys doing up here?" Malik asked from the other side of the roof, seeing his teammates crouching behind the wall.

Marik stood up and pointed to the tank, "That chick in the black armor is back!" he yelled over the noise. "What chick?" Malik asked confused, "The same chick that stuck a grenade to my head?".

"Yep,"

"The same chick who got me stuck in this light red armor?"

Bakura sweatdropped, "Malik, I know it's important to secure your masculinity, but it's just a lot easier to say pink,".

Malik rubbed his hands together, then pulled out a small blue orb, "Ooooh, I've been waiting for this!". Both the Yami's watched him run out from the ramp he was on over to the edge of the roof, wondering what the hell he was up to.

"HEY BITCH!" Malik called out to Tea, "YOU REMEMBER ME! I SAVED SOMETHIN' FOR YA!". With that, he revved up his right arm a few times, then threw the now-glowing orb as hard as he could. Bakura, Marik, and Kaiba/Mahado watched as the grenade soared through the air, all the way to the middle of the canyon.

They weren't the only ones seeing the throw. On the cliff, Ryou and Yugi saw the throw. Yugi whistled, "Man, that girl has a really good arm...," he commented.

With a loud splat, the grenade landed in Tea's lap, inside the canopy. She looked down and stared at the blue projectile, "Aw crap...,".

"HELL YA! THREE POINTS, YOU DIRTY WHORE!" Malik's screams echoed through the canyon so that everyone heard.

Seconds later, the tank exploded in a rage of fire, smoke, and shrapnel.

-----

Marik, Bakura, and Yami stood outside the front of their base, proud of what their pink colored teammate had done. A loud yell made Bakura look to the side and he saw Mahado running at full speed to the tank, screaming in Spanish at the top of his lungs.

"Um...where is Mahado going?" he asked.

Yami put his hands on his hips, "He's gone to fight the enemy head on. In hand to hand combat. Brave little compradre," he sniffed and watched his friend/cyborg continue running, "Mahado, I may not have been able to understand a word you said recently, but I do know one thing. You hate Bakura...and that's the most important thing. Adios, amigo,". With that, he bowed his head in honor.

Marik kept his eyes glued to Mahado while he leaned over to the Pharaoh, "Shouldn't we help him?" he asked quietly. Yami lifted his head, "Nah, it'll spoil the moment...,".

-----

Tea lay very still on the grassy ground, with fatal injuries thanks to the explosion. She heard someone running to her and she weakly lifted her head to look. She could see a figure standing over her, but she couldn't be sure who it was because of the sun.

"Seto...? Is that you?" she asked in a very quiet voice. The figure knelt down and nodded. Behind her visor, Tea smiled, "It's gone, Seto. The A.I. is gone...thank you,". After that, she let loose a small death rattle and became very still.

Over at the cliff, Ryou had his back turned and was facing the rock wall while Yugi had seen the whole thing that had happened. "Aw man...Kaiba's gonna be super-pissed at us now. To make it even worse, he's got a body to kick our asses!" he groaned, letting his pistol drop beside his feet, "C'mon, Ryou...let's go get it over with...,".

"I told you Yugi, my name's not Ryou," his friend said in an annoyed tone. Yugi turned and watched his friend face him.

"My name...is Dartz," Ryou said in a deep, and scary voice.

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Yami Kilnorc: Hello all, Yami K here! Sorry for the absence of my hikari. He's...well... -turns to Kilnorc, who's got a cloud of rain over his head- Anyhoo, he's not used to killing Tea off...so until he gets over it, I'll be taking over! Ja ne!**


	21. Episode 20: Everything Old Is New Again

**Everything Old Is New Again**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Red vs Blue, or Yu-Gi-Oh!**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

A long time had passed since the death of Tea and the events that led up to that. Kaiba had taken over Mahado's body completely and used it as his own. Yugi and Ryou painted it the same light blue color he had on his old armor, and wiped away the bits of Spanish language he had stored within the databanks. However, even after all these changes, things were still bad between the Yami's Red and the Hikari's Blue teams.

-----

"Um...Kaiba? We got a problem and we need to talk about it...,".

Kaiba cursed under his breath and turned around to face Ryou and Yugi. "WHAT?" he snapped at them, he was not in the mood.

Yugi pointed to Ryou, "Ryou is acting weird. He keeps calling himself Dartz, talking in a scary voice, and threatening to kill me!"

Ryou turned to him, "No I didn't!" he said defensively. Yugi turned to face him, "Oh? So you didn't threaten to chop off my head and give it to the Great Leviathan as a birthday present?" he challenged.

"I think you're taking what I said, out of context...,"

"What? What context?"

"Guys, shut the hell up!"

"Excuse me, sir?" a new voice behind Kaiba asked.

He looked over his shoulder to see a person in purple armor, "Hey pal? Hold on a sec, ok?". Kaiba turned back to Yugi and Ryou, "Now, I think we all know by now, that I don't like either of you, ok? So stop competing for my attention!" he barked.

"Now...," he turned around to the new person, "Yes. Hello. Who are you?" he asked. Ryou turned to Yugi, "Don't ever be alone...," he growled in a deep voice. Yugi gulped and looked at Kaiba, "He's doing that thing again...,".

The purple soldier waved, "Hi, I'm Medic Officer Wheeler, and I've come to help you!". The three guys stared in shock. This person was a girl, with the last name...Wheeler.

"Serenity? That you?" Kaiba asked in disbelief. Again, Serenity Wheeler waved, "Yep. I got invited to play Halo online, and I've never played, so here I am!" she said cheerfully, "So which one of you is Yugi?".

"Well, it's obvious I'm Kaiba," Kaiba muttered before jerking his thumb behind him, "That's Yugi in the weird blue, and over there in the regulation deep blue armor, is Ryou," he informed her. Ryou looked at Yugi, "Why did he introduce me second?". Yugi eyed him, "Cuz he doesn't like you,".

"Um...ok. Anyway, I was told to come over and help out with any wounded you guys had," she said quickly. Ryou looked at her and raised an eyebrow, "Wounded? There's no wounded here. We asked for help a long, LONG time ago,".

"Well, sorry, I came here as quickly as I could. Where's my patient?" she asked, looking around. Kaiba sighed and pointed behind her, "About fifty yards behind ya and six feet straight down,". Serenity turned around to see a pair of headstones standing over two freshly dug graves.

"Oh, I'm sorry for your loss...although I don't see the points of graves in a video game...oh well,"

Kaiba blinked, "Huh? Oh! Right," he sighed dramatically, "Yeah well, what's done is done...what are ya gonna do, eh?" he asked. Ryou pointed to the graves, "We didn't like her very much...she was mean to other people!" he whispered.

Serenity looked back at the two graves, "Well, who's in the other one?". Kaiba slowly raised his hand, "That would be me, Wheeler," he replied. She looked at him confused, "Uh huh...okies,".

Ryou held up a finger, "You see, he," he pointed to Kaiba, "got killed by a crazy runaway tank..,"

"Or by the idiot driving it," Yugi interjected.

"...and then he became a really mean ghost, who took over the body of a robot who spoke Spanish, and then we spray-painted him so he could be blue again, and now he's a bionic man...who is blue!" Ryou finished.

Yugi put his hands behind his head, "And it took us forever to get the Spanish stuff wiped off...," he added quietly. Kaiba turned and looked straight at him, "_Not entirely wiped off, moron,_" he hissed. Sighing, Yugi lowered his head, "I guess I'll go get the Spanish dictionary...,".

"So, wait. No one is hurt?" Serenity asked, confused. Kaiba shrugged and shook his head, "Nope. In fact, I feel better than ever. Now, whenever I don't wanna listen to the two idiots behind me, I can just turn off my ears. I could never do that before!".

"Hey, Kaiba. You said they were shorting out!"

The leader of the blues looked at Ryou, "Sorry, what Ryou? I couldn't hear you," he said in a loud voice. Serenity shrugged, "So I guess I'll just check out Ryou and Yugi," she offered as she pulled out a two pronged device that had glowing ends.

Yugi backed away, "Whoa, hold on. Is this one of those things where I have to turn my head andcough?" he asked nervously. Serenity shook her head, "No, I'm just gonna check your vitals, then I'll be on my way," she said as she began sweeping the device up and down Yugi's form.

Ryou chuckled and looked at Yugi, "I bet I have better vitals than you, Yugi!". Yugi rolled his eyes and Ryou turned to Kaiba, "What's a vital?" he asked.

"Whoa, on your way? I don't think so, Wheeler. Didn't you come by to join our squad?" Kaiba asked, confused. Serenity shook her head, "No, I just came by to help out with Angel, or Tea, or whoever she is, and see if you guys are ok, then I'll head on over to the Red Team," she explained.

Kaiba shook his head and grinned, "First off, GREAT job on the Angel/Tea thing, Wheeler, real great. Now, you can help us, by joining our fight to kill off the Red Team!". Serenity sighed and pulled away the scanner, "Even if I was told to do it, I wouldn't. I joined this game of yours as a non-violent observer,".

"Non-violent...what?"

"I'm a pacifist,"

Ryou tilted his head, thinking, "You're a thing that babies suck on?".

Yugi shook his head and slapped Ryou on the shoulder, "No, Ryou, that's a pedophile!"

Kaiba looked at his teal colored teammate, "I think the word you're looking for, is pacifier!".

"Oh yeah! Hahaha...I was thinking of something TOTALLY different,".

"Anyway, I'm all done here," Serenity said loudly, "I'm going to head over to the Reds and see if anyone needs help there,". Kaiba growled, "Man this sucks. What the hell is your deal anyway?" he demanded. Serenity shrugged, "I'm on loan to both sides. That's what the others said when I first logged on," she explained.

"Well at least put that little medical thing away, Wheeler. If the Reds see you walk up to their base carrying that thing, they'll just shoot it out of your hand," Kaiba advised.

**BAM!**

A loud gunshot made everyone jump and they watched as Serenity's tool landed a couple of feet away, a large hole in it's side. Kaiba nodded and pointed to the wrecked object, "See like that!".

"HEY! ASSHOLES!"

The Blues, and Serenity turned to see the entire Red Team standing a short ways away, holding various firearms.

**BAM!**

"SCATTER!" Yugi screamed. All four of them made a dash in random directions as the Reds opened fire on them. Yami clapped his hands and looked behind him to Malik, who was holding a sniper rifle with a smoking barrel, "Nice shot, cupcake!" he praised. Malik held up a peace sign, "Thanks, Pharaoh!".

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Marik laughed a crazy laugh as he let loose his assault rifle on the opposite team, "SUCK IT BLUE"!. Bakura popped up in front of him just after he stopped firing, "YEAH, SNEAK ATTACK!"

"Bakura, get down you dumbass!"

Yami unslinged the shotgun from his back and gripped it firmly in his hands, "Hike up your knickers, boys...let's go get 'em!".

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: Hehehe, that's another one. I hope it's good. and I bet those who have seen this series, are surprised to see Serenity being the male medic. The reason I've chosen her as the medic, is my own knowledge. For those who have seen most of the online eps, you can find out why I did so. If not, it'll be shown later. Ja ne!**


	22. Episode 21: Motion To Adjourn

**Motion To Adjourn**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Red vs Blue or Yu-Gi-Oh!**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Kaiba, Yugi, and Serenity were crouching behind a large boulder just outside the Blue Base as the Red Team was firing on them. Waves and waves of bullets rained down over and zinged past them, bullet holes forming in the wall nearby.

"Ok...this is what we need to do...," Kaiba looked around, then turned to Yugi, "Yugi, you need to go over to Ryou, help him staunch a defense, and maintain a surpressing fire!" he ordered. Yugi nodded slowly, "Yeah...I didn't even understand half of that,".

The leader rolled his eyes, "Just go over to Ryou's rock and fire your gun a bunch!" he snapped. Yugi pointed to the boulder yards away from them, "THAT rock? Forget it!". Kaiba gritted his teeth, "We do not have time to discuss this Yugi...,".

"Oh sure, YOU don't have time to discuss it. You're gonna be over here, talking to Joey's little sister, and I'll be out there eating a machine gun sandwich!"

"Yugi...we're going to cover you!"

"Cover me? Kaiba, unless you are gonna build a giant bullet-proof wall between me and them, I ain't gonna go! I would like to keep the same quantity of blood I have with me right now!" Yugi said firmly.

Kaiba shrugged, "Ok...wait. Does the blood have to be INSIDE you?" he asked out of curiousity.

-----

Bakura and Marik kept firing relentlessly at their enemies, shells flying out of their rifles and collecting near their feet. Bakura looked down as he kept firing, then looked at Marik, "Marik...I can't...feel my hands!".

Marik looked at him, then went back to shooting, "Then lay off the trigger you dumbass!"

-----

"Doc, get over there and help Ryou!" Kaiba ordered, looking at Serenity. She looked at him, "My name's not Doc, Kaiba. My name is Serenity Wheeler!". Kaiba rolled his eyes, "I know, but I don't feel like calling you by either name, so your name is now Doc!".

"Besides, I'm not a doctor...I'm just supposed to be a medic!" she pointed out. Yugi ducked as a bullet whizzed past his helmet, then looked at her, "Well what's the difference!". She looked at him, "Doctor's help heal people...I just help players get comfortable while they die...,"

"Mental Note...never get shot...," Yugi muttered to himself.

Kaiba clapped his hands together, "It's decided then, your new name is Doc!". Serenity sighed and shrugged, "OK...but I don't really think it'll stick," she protested.

"Oh believe me, it'll stick," Yugi said, smiling behind his visor. Kaiba waved his hands at them, "Enough idle chatter. Doc, get over there and help Ryou hold that position!" he ordered. "I don't even have a gun, Kaiba!" Serenity turned around to demonstrate her point, "Besides, I'm a pacifist!" she reminded him.

Kaiba growled, "Whatever, just go over there and yell BANG BANG BANG!". Serenity hummed and titled her head, "I dunno...even that sounds pretty aggressive,".

"Oh c'mon...," Yugi groaned.

"Besides, I'm not supposed to get involved unless someone is hurt!" she added quickly. Kaiba thought for a minute, then brought out his pistol, "Huh...really now?". He turned, raised his pistol and fired off a round in Ryou's direction.

Yugi turned around when Ryou let out a scream, something about his foot. Kaiba lowered his pistol and looked back at Serenity, "Well, look at that, seems that Ryou's hurt himself. You better go over there and see if he's alright,".

Serenity sweatdropped at what the leader of the Blue Squad had done, "You could've just said please,".

-----

Marik's gun clicked and he checked it, "Crap, I'm out. Gimme some ammunition, Bakura!". The Tomb Robber looked at him confused, "What? I don't have any ammo. I only have one bullet left!" he replied.

"What? How can that be, you're the one that carries all the extra ammo in a battle,"

"Since when?"

"Since our last staff meeting!"

"Dude, we actually do stuff in those? I just go to sleep in my helmet!" Bakura said with a laugh.

Marik shrugged, "Well, you missed your job assignment, and now we have no ammo!". Bakura raised an eyebrow and walked up close to him, "What's your job assignment?" he asked slowly.

"Me? I'm the Social Chairmen!".

Before any of them could say anything more, Yami came running up to them, "Marik, me and Malik or outta ammo. We need some clips!". Marik couldn't help but grin as he turned to the Tomb Robber, "Oi, Bakura. You remember that one bullet you said you had? I've thought of a perfect way for you to use it," he cackled.

-----

"I'm here, Ryou. Where are you hurt?" Serenity asked after she safely made it to his rock. Ryou winced and whimpered, "My foot, my foot, my foot!". Serenity looked down, "Which one?" she asked.

"Um...left. No, right. Wait...left! No, right!"

"How about I just go with the one that's bleeding?" Serenity offered. Ryou nodded, "Yes, the red one!" he panted as the pain spread through his foot, "I can't believe Kaiba shot me!".

"OH DON'T EVEN START RYOU!" Kaiba screamed from his side of the field. Serenity looked at Kaiba, then turned back to Ryou, "Anything else?" she asked.

"Huh...what?"

"You have a bullet wound in your foot. Do you have anything else that's wrong?" Serenity asked slowly, so that Ryou would understand. Ryou tapped his helmet for a few moments, "Oh, I got one! Sometimes, when I fall asleep, I think about my parents having sex, and that makes me really, really mad for some reason...,". Serenity stared at him, and Ryou stared back at Serenity.

"Um...ok, let's just start with the foot...," she said quickly, wanting to the change the subject.

Back over at their rock, Kaiba and Yugi sat patiently as silence filled the air. Yugi looked over the top of the rock, "Why aren't the Red's firing?" he asked curiously. Kaiba put his head on his hands, "I dunno, Yugi. Maybe they ran out of ammo," he muttered.

"HEY! BLUES!"

Kaiba stood up and turned around to see Yami standing a short distance away, "WHAT!" he yelled back.

"We are giving you a chance to surrender!" Yami shouted. Kaiba blinked in confusion, then looked at Yugi, who looked at him, then went back to looking at Yami.

"Surrender?"

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: Hope this is good, ja ne for now!**


	23. Episode 22: Red vs Bleu

**Red vs Bleu**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Red vs Blue.**

**Kilnorc: quick note, the title of ths chapter is correct, it's like that on the vid. lol. on with the fic!**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"We are giving you a chance to surrender!" Yami repeated. The two teams were staring each other down from their respective places, and things were a little tense. Bakura shook his head, "There is no way, this is gonna work," he muttered. Yami looked over his shoulder at him, "Put a cork in it, Tomb Robber!" he turned back to face the Blues, "There's no way they know we are completely out of ammo...,".

Kaiba couldn't help but grin, "Yeah, they're out of ammo," he said in a quiet voice. He cleared his throat, "What are your terms?" he yelled out. "They're what?" Yugi asked.

"Our what?" Bakura wondered. Marik shook his head, "I can't believe this is actually working...hey, Pharaoh! See if you can get Mahado back!" he suggested. "Oh yeah! That way, he can fix the Warthog!" Bakura thought aloud. Malik clapped his hands together, "The flag too!" he added. Bakura grinned and nodded, "Oh yeah...get the flag, and some cake!". Malik's eyes widened at the word cake, "Ooooh, cake! Forget the flag, just get the cake!"

Yami nodded after hearing all the ideas then turned to the opposing team, "Alright Blues. First off, we want your flag...," he began.

"Oh wait a minute," Marik interrupted, "The last time we got the flag, that chick in the black armor showed up!"

"...to stay right where it is! Keep the flag. But we do want our mechanized droid guy back!".

"Uh oh...," Kaiba whispered.

"You may know him as Senor El Roboto!" Yami added.

Yugi couldn't help but grin, "Well Kaiba what's it going to be?" he asked. Kaiba turned around, "Fuck that, I ain't giving up my body, I just got it!"

"And don't think you can keep his nuts...or bolts, or any other mechanical things. Furthermore...,"

"Um...he's not here anymore!" Kaiba lied quickly, "Ain't that right, Yugi?"

His teammate nodded, "Yeah, he was like 'sayonara' and then he took off!". Kaiba glanced at him, "That's not spanish, that's Japanese!" he hissed before looking at Serenity and Ryou, "I got it!". He turned back to the Red Team, "How about this? Would you guys take a medic for a hostage?" he offered. "What? A hostage?" Serenity asked, not sure if she had heard him right, "But I'm supposed to go over there and help out!".

Marik nodded thoughtfully, "That does sound pretty good...,". Bakura shook his head, "I don't think so...I think we can hold out for more,".

"We don't have anymore bullets, dumbass!"

"Oh that's right...take the hostage, Pharaoh,"

Back over behind their rocks, Kaiba turned to Serenity, "So Doc, how's the patient doing?" he asked, referring to Ryou. She nodded, "He's doing pretty well. Very alert and responsive,".

Yugi glanced at Ryou, then at Kaiba, "She is talking about Ryou, right?" he whispered. Kaiba shook his head, "No I mean, how's the toe I shot?" he asked. "Oh that? That fell off like a half hour ago," Serenity said in a somewhat disgusted tone.

Ryou sniffed, "Goodbye pinky toe...YOU WILL BE AVENGED!" he declared in a deep voice.

The medic sighed, "You know what? Just send me over you guys, I don't think I can be of anymore help over here,". Kaiba nodded and looked back at the Reds again, "Hey Reds! We're sending the medic over, now what do we get in return?" he yelled.

Marik brushed past the Pharaoh and glared at them, "What are you talking about, you're surrendering, you don't get a damn thing except humilation and ridicule!".

"But we already have that!" Yugi shouted, "What else?"

"What do you want?" Yami asked.

Kaiba grinned, "How about you guys admit that the Red Team sucks!". They watched as the Reds huddled together for a short time before looking back at them. "How about we just say that only one of us sucks?" Yami offered. Bakura nodded and smiled, "Oh yeah...wait, you do mean Malik, right?".

**TWO HOURS LATER**

"Ok, so we're agreed on the terms? Before we send over the medic, you guys go first!" Kaiba ordered. Yami pushed Bakura outward, away from the other Reds, "Get on with it, Bakura...,". The Tomb Robber groaned and cursed under his breath, "I just want everyone to know...that I suck!"

"And...?"

"...and that I'm a girl,"

"And what else?"

"...and I have ribbons in my hair, and I'd like to kiss all the boys," he finished, on the verge of strangling the one responsible for this.

Yami leaned over to Marik, "This may be the best surrender of all time...," he whispered. Marik nodded in agreement, then turned to the Blues, "Now send over the medic!".

Serenity said her goodbyes to the Blues and made her way over to the Reds. Bakura sighed loudly as she walked up to him, "You know, you had better be worth this...," he hissed. Serenity shrank back a bit at the hiss, but looked at him anyway, "Can I ask you a question? Did anyone put anything in the water around here?" she asked.

"Water? We ran outta that stuff a long time ago," the Tomb Robber replied. The Reds, plus Serenity started to walk back to the Red base. "I don't really care for water. I only drink the blood of my enemies," Yami said casually, "Occasionally, I have a margarita, or a brewsky...or a pinacolota," he counted off his fingers.

Serenity remained silent while Marik and Bakura rolled their eyes at the Pharaoh. All of a sudden, Yami began to sing!

"If you like pinacolotas...and gettin' caught in the rain. If you're not into Yoga...Bakura just has half a brain...,"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: There's that one! Hope it's good, and ja ne for now!**


	24. Episode 23: The Joy of Toggling

**The Joy of Toggling**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yugioh or Red vs Blue!**

**Kilnorc: Before I start, just let me say...HOLY SHIT 60 REVIEWS! I'm surprised I got so many on this fic! You guys are great, here! -tosses tons of candy, plushies of various Yugioh bishies to the fans- THANK YOU!**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"So, let me get this straight. Your boss got shot in the head, and you gave him CPR?"

"Yep,"

"...that sounds like a perfectly logical way of treatment," Serenity said, nodding.

Bakura threw his hands in the air, "THANK YOU! I've been saying that ever since!".

"People are either denying or accepting new methods of treatment. Like, when I was with the Blues, one of them got shot in the foot, but all I did for him was rub his neck. He was fine!"

The Tomb Robber shrugged, "I dunno about all that, but I'm just glad that Yami is wrong...,".

"BAKURA! Stop talking to the prisoner! You were assigned to guard her, not to make idle chit chat with a new friend!" Yami barked from the other side of the base. Bakura turned to him, "C'mon, Pharaoh, he doesn't even have a gun!".

"Oh well than you two are perfect for each other. She doesn't have a gun, and you didn't bring any ammo!" Marik retorted, grinning widely. "SHUT UP YOU KISS-ASS!" Bakura screamed, "If I wanted any tips on how to guard prisoners, I'll ask the guy who let our last one getaway!".

Malik snickered and began to poke his Yami, "Dude, that was a burn! Burn, dude, burn! Big burn!". Marik shook him off and glared at him, "Shut up, Malik...your armor's pink," he shot back. Serenity stepped up, "Um...I just wanted to let everyone know. Me and Bakura aren't really friends. We're just talking!"

She turned to Bakura who was staring at her. She rubbed the back of her head, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to try to make as much progress as I can here, and it doesn't seem like you're very popular so I don't want them to think we're friends," she explained.

Bakura stared at her.

"I'm sure you understand...?" said said casually.

He kept staring at her.

"Cuz...well you know. No one here likes you,"

He kept staring and staring and staring at her.

"Please stop staring at me,"

-----

Yugi and Kaiba stood outside in the back of the Blue Base while Ryou was off doing something inside. Yugi had been thinking of something for awhile, and he decided now would be a good time to tell his leader.

"Hey Kaiba, if your new body is the Red Team's old droid, and droids usually fix stuff...you think you could maybe fix mana?" he asked, putting his hands behind his head. Kaiba hummed in thought, "Good point...I guess I can try it at least. Stand back!" he ordered. Yugi stepped back as Kaiba breathed deeply.

"Huuuuuh...heeeeeeergh...eeeeeeeeeehhhhh,"

Yugi stared as his leader made very odd sounds, "Um...Kaiba, anything?". Kaiba stopped the noises and shook his head, "Not as easy as one may think. It's not like flexing a certain muscle or anything," he sighed, "I'm not even sure on how half the stuff in here works!"

"Maybe there's a button somewhere that turns it on?" Yugi suggested. Kaiba shrugged, "Worth a shot. You look for it while I try and see what I can find in here,". Yugi nodded and looked around while more of those odd sounds emitted from Kaiba. After a few moments, Kaiba stopped making the strange sounds, "Hey! I found something!" he declared.

Yugi walked back into his vision, "You found the switch?" he asked. Kaiba shook his head, "Nope, just the temperature and date keeper. It is...26 degrees,". Yugi frowned, "26 degrees? That's freezing!"

"That's Celcius, Yugi!"

"Well I don't care, Celcius sucks," Yugi shot back before going back to his search. A few more minutes went by until this time, Yugi found something.

"Kaiba, got it!"

"Oh cool, you find a button, Yugi?"

"No...no man, it's more like a switch,"

"Well flip it,"

Yugi stood up, "I don't _wanna_ flip it!" he said quickly. Kaiba raised an eyebrow, "Why not?" he asked. Yugi twiddled his fingers, "It's in a weird place...," he murmured. Kaiba rolled his eyes, "Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me!"

"Why don't _you _flip it yourself?" Yugi challenged.

Kaiba moved his arms, "These things aren't that flexible, I can't even reach down there," he explained. "Well how about Ryou?" Yugi offered. Kaiba groaned, "Oh god, he's so stupid, I'm not sure if he can even flip a switch!".

Yugi groaned and fidgeted in place, "Aw man...,". Kaiba couldn't help but chuckle, "C'mon Yugi. Just do it now, and we'll all have a big laugh afterward. I'll even buy you dinner, and some new rare cards,".

The teal armored player groaned again, but crouched down. A faint clicking sound later, he popped up, "It won't move," he reported.

"Well try wiggling it,"

"I'm _not_ wiggling your dongle!"

"Oh stop being a baby, Yugi! Just get down there and wiggle it!" Kaiba snapped. Yugi groaned again and went back down. Kaiba sighed and waited as Yugi tried to do his thing. A thought came to his mind and he couldn't help himself. He looked down at Yugi, "So...you from around here, baby?" he asked.

Yugi shot up, "If you want me to help Kaiba...,"

Kaiba held up his hands, "Sorry, I'm sorry. I had to say that, it was irresistable!". Yugi muttered and shook his head, "I wish Tea were here...she'd probably do it,". Kaiba snorted, "For someone who's hung out with her more than I have, you obviously don't know Tea,". Yugi remained silent and went down again. A couple of seconds later, he came back up, "Got it!".

**Beep Beep. Beep Beep. Beep Beep.**

The light blue player frowned, "That's weird...Yugi, do you hear a beeping sound?" he asked slowly.

-----

"So does anyone have any ideas as to what we should do with our prisoner?" Yami asked his squad. Marik looked back at Bakura and Serenity, "Whatever it is, we gotta get her away from Bakura. Just being with him and talking with him is punishment enough,".

Malik raised his hand, "How about we make her trade armor with one of us...that'll teach her!" he suggested, hoping someone would get rid of his pink armor set.

**Beep Beep. Beep Beep. "WARTHOG ONLINE. HOMING BEACON ACTIVATED,"**

Malik looked at the jeep and stared at it and it's headlights that were now on. "Um...Pharaoh?" he looked to Yami, "D-did the jeep just talk?" he asked both fearful and nervous.

_"FIGHTING EVIL BY MOONLIGHT...WINNING LOVE BY DAYLIGHT!"_

The three Reds stared at the Jeep as the radio played the familar song of Sailor Moon.

"Uh oh...," Yami murmured.

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: there's this one! I hope you likee! Ja ne!**


	25. Episode 24: Sweet Ride

**Sweet Ride**

**Disclaimer: Don't own none of these things.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Ok, lemme get this straight. You built a remote control in Mahado for the Warthog...,"

Yami nodded, "Yep, but I hid it in a very specific place where no one would ever look! Unless...," he turned around to face Malik, "Hey, Pretty in Pink, did you tamper with Mahado?" he demanded.

"Why are you lookin' at me?" the pink soldier asked. Bakura looked at Yami, "So someone else controls the jeep right now?" he asked, "Along with the big gun attached to it?".

Yami shook his head, "Get a pair you two!" he looked at the Warthog, "They may have activated the jeep, but there's no way they know the secret chain of code commands to work it. Only me and my diary now that bit of info!"

-----

**Beep Beep. Beep Beep. Beep Beep.**

"There! Do you guys hear that?"

"Is it like a high pitched whistling noise with a few random clicks?"

"No...it's like a beep beep beep noise,"

"Oh...then no I don't hear anything,"

"Wa-wait, do you actually hear a high pitched whistling noise with random clicks?" Kaiba asked Yugi.

"No, I was just trying to be helpful,"

"Well you're failing, Yugi,"

"All I hear, is that voice that tells us to kill all of our friends before they have a chance to kill us...," Ryou chimed in. Kaiba and Yugi stared at him like he was nuts. Ryou looked at both of them, "What, you guys don't hear that voice?". Kaiba shook his head, "Well whatever. Yugi, you have to do something about this noise, it's gonna drive me crazy!"

-----

**_"Drive me crazy...drive me crazy...drive me crazy...,"_**

**"DRIVE...,"**

Yami leapt back from the Warthog, "Jumping Jackrabbits, they figured out the code! Curse those Windtalkers!". They watched as the Jeep began to move around on its own and they all backed away. Everyone except for Serenity, who failed to get out of the way of the jeep in time.

The jeep ran into her and she went flying into the air, then grabbed hold of the jeep as it drove off. Malik stared in shock and pointed, "Hey, she's stealing our jeep!".

"HELP! THIS JEEP IS KIDNAPPING ME!" Serenity screamed.

"...and now she's taunting us! That's just embarrassing,"

Marik turned to the Pharaoh, "Hey, Yami, new rule. We no longer take prisoners...cuz we just seem to suck at it," he suggested.

-----

"I see a switch down here...," Ryou whispered as he stared at Kaiba's lower half, "It's not very big,". Yugi patted his shoulder, "That's it! Just flip it!". Kaiba waved his hands, "Hold on," he looked down at his teammate, "Ryou...do you know how to work a switch?" he asked slowly.

"Uh...,"

"Ok, here's the full tutorial on switch flipping, Ryou. The switch is flipped in _one_ direction...you need to flip it into the _other_ direction. Just turn it around...,"

While the boys were busy with the switch, not one of them noticed the runaway Warthog a short distance away. As Kaiba said turn around, it did a 180 and went the way it came.

"Oops...Kaiba, it broke itself!" Ryou reported. Kaiba sighed, "Oh crap...,"

-----

The four Reds watched the Jeep as it turned around and faced towards them instead of driving in random directions. Marik gulped as the Jeep seemed to stare at them all, "Uh oh...this does not look good,"

Bakura slowly raised his hands, "Nice kitty...nice kitty...nice kitty,".

-----

"Ok, from what I see, there are two wires down there. A green one and a red one,"

"What about the blue one, Kaiba?" Ryou asked.

"That's your thumb, idiot. Guys, just grab whatever wire goes into the switch and fix this!" he snapped. Yugi shook his head as he scanned the small area, "Um...I don't really see which one goes there,".

"Then just yank them both!"

Ryou stood up and looked worriedly at his leader, "Kaiba...if we pull the wrong wire, you could explode!" he whispered. Kaiba sighed, "I don't really care. Just follow the red one!" he ordered.

-----

**"TARGET ACQUIRED...RED,"**

"Um...Pharaoh, you might wanna start running," Bakura suggested, slowly slinking away from his leader, "NOW!". Yami shook his head while the rest of his squad dashed for their lives, "Aw fudgepumps,"

-----

"Ok, I see what goes where now!" Yugi cried triumphantly, "The red one goes to the switch, and the green one goes...ugh, somewhere else,". Kaiba smiled in relief, "Good, yank the red wire. Take out the red!" he ordered.

-----

Yami winced in pain as the Warthog rammed itself against him, pinning him against both the wall of the Red Base and the jeep.

"Uuugh...I'm pinned!"

**"ELIMINATE RED...,"**

The large machine gun on the Warthog began to fire away and make it's way towards Yami's head. The others ran up to Serenity, who was currently sitting behind the stirring wheel of the jeep, "STOP IT! YOU'RE GONNA KILL HIM!".

Yami sighed and shook his head, "What a way to go. Killed by my own mechanical creations," he looked to the right as the wave of bullets came closer to him, "I'm sure there's a philosophical lesson to be learned from all this...,".

"How about the dangers of technology and the unwavering pride of mankind?" Marik shouted over the gunfire.

"No. I think the lesson is to hire better help that doesn't just stand around, watching you die!"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: hehehehe...hope ya like. ja ne!**


	26. Episode 25: Last Words

**Last Words**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Red vs Blue or Yu-Gi-Oh!**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"We gotta do something you guys...," Bakura urged as the Red's watched the hot lead made it's way closer to the Pharaoh's head. Marik nodded, "You are absolutely right," he raised his hand, "Dib's on Yami's armor!" he called.

Yami stopped struggling and looked at the Tomb Robber, "Bakura, if you see Mahado. Tell him I forgive him," he said softly, "Tell him he was like a brother to me...,".

"I thought you considered Marik as a brother?" Bakura asked.

The Pharaoh shrugged and looked at the maroon armored Yami, "No offense, Marik. It's just that Mahado and I understood each other better," he explained. "Understood? That guy refused to speak English!"

"And he ran away the first chance he got," Bakura threw in,"

"Plus, he's trying to kill you with a remote controlled jeep!" Marik finished. Yami sniffed and sighed, "Little rascal...,".

-----

"Ok...one, two, THREE!" Yugi tugged hard on the wires that were connected to Kaiba's parts. Silence filled the air and Kaiba looked around, to see if the annoying noise was truly gone. After a few moments, he smiled widely, "FINALLY! Some frickin' peace and quiet! That beeping was going to drive me crazy!".

He turned to walk off and leave, but instead, he looked down at his legs, "Hey...guys? What can't I move my legs?" he asked slowly.

-----

The jeep made a warbling noise before turning off the machine gun automatically. The Yami's, Serenity, and Malik made a mental sigh as the bullets stopped just centimeters from Atemu's helmet.

"Whoo...close one. You ok, Pharaoh?" Bakura asked his leader. Yami waved him off, "Aw horsepuckey, I'm fine...just a bit disappointed," he grumbled. Marik nodded slowly, "It's ok, sir, I understand. You didn't mean any of the stuff you said. Most people are often very frightened when faced with their own mortality,".

"Naw, that's not it. I just feel like I could've taken him,"

Bakura frowned, "Taken _who_? The machine gun?".

"Oh, don't get me wrong, he was a worthy opponent. But at the end there, he began to show signs of weakness. Cracks in the armor if you will,"

"What? You can't beat a machine gun!" Bakura cried.

Malik nodded, "That's true, Pharaoh. I mean, your tough and all. But still, it's hard to believe you can fight a hundred rounds of armor piercing bullets with just your face," he added. Yami turned to the machine gun, "And yet...he surrendered.

Serenity shifted around in the driver seat and looked at Bakura and Marik, "Guys, I've seen this before on TV. Yami just went through a very traumatic experience, and he's finding a way to cope with the stress!" she explained cheerfully.

"How do you deal with it?" Bakura asked her. Serenity chuckled and waved her finger, "Oh, I have my own method,". She squirmed in the seat, "And uh...this seat is going to need a _thorough_ cleaning," she said quietly, blushing madly behind her visor.

-----

"This is just great. Thanks alot Ryou!" Kaiba roared at his teammate, "Now what am I supposed to do, my lower half is damaged!". Ryou tapped his visor in thought, "Why not try walking it off?" he suggested.

Kaiba glared at him, "I can't move my legs, moron!" he reminded Ryou.

"Oh...have you tried running?"

Yugi walked over to them, "This doesn't seem like a big deal, Kaiba. You hardly used your legs before anyway. I swear, I've never seen a grown man ask for so many piggyback rides!". Kaiba glared, "I told you...that was for science!"

"Why don't you just try...walking on your hands?" Ryou offered happily, holding up his own hands, "Then you can use your feet for high fives...and eating sandwiches...and you know, the important stuff!".

-----

"Hey Doc," Marik looked at Serenity, "Even though I'm sure that the Pharaoh enjoys having his spine pulverized by a large vehicle...why don't you just back up now?".

Serenity looked at him, the Pharaoh, then the wheel, "Oh...you're right. Hang on,". She pulled back the throttle and pressed on the gas. Bakura and Marik watched as the jeep went forward, ramming itself into Yami even more.

"OW! HOT BUTTERED LUGNUTS!" the Pharaoh shouted as the pressure intensified.

Serenity gasped and clapped her hands together, "I am so sorry! I was probably in the wrong gear. Lemme try again!". She adjusted the controls and pressed the gas again. Once more, the jeep went forward instead of backward.

"Oh geez, my last kidney! I was saving that for a special occasion...,"

Serenity chuckled nervously and looked at Marik and Bakura, "Third times a charm?" she asked. Marik shook his head, "Don't think so, girl. Get out of the jeep!" he barked. "But, I'm only trying to help!" Serenity protested.

"Oh really? I thought you were trying to kill the Pharaoh by ramming asix thousand pound steel death machine. But if you're trying to help, by all means, please continue!" Bakura said, waving his hands in a welcoming gesture. Serenity looked at the Pharaoh, then back at the two of them, "...really?".

"GET OUT!"both Marik and Bakura screamed.

-----

"Shit...Yugi, just get down there and mess with some stuff. I'll let you know if I feel anything," Kaiba instructed his teammate. Yugi nodded, crouched down and began to mess with his leader's groin. _If anyone were to see this from another angle, it would look so wrong..._ he thought as he pulled and connected wires. "You feel this, Kaiba?" he asked, inserting a wire.

Kaiba shook his head, "Nope, try again,". Ryou bounced up and down for the umpteenth time, "Kaiba, I just thought of something. You know how when you eat too much ice cream and your brain freezes up...?"

"Yeah, Ryou? Shut the hell up,"

Ryou closed his mouth and looked behind Kaiba to see Marik, Bakura and Serenity walking towards the base. "Um...," he looked at Kaiba, "I thought you would like to know, Kaiba...that the Red's are...,"

Kaiba glared hard at him, "Ryou, for the short time we've been here, you've managed to call my girlfriend a slut, blow me up with a tank, shoot me in the head and paralyze me from the waist down! So, if it's not too much trouble, just SHUT YOUR FRICKIN' MOUTH!" he screamed.

"Hey Blues! We're here to...what the _hell_ are you guys doing up there!"

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: hahahahahah! a very wrong looking predicament, eh? can't wait to hear from ya'll, so until then, I'll be working on the next one! Ja ne!**


	27. Episode 26: Nobody Likes You

**Nobody Likes You**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Red vs Blue or Yu-Gi-Oh!**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**"SPEECH" - Creepy, deep Ryou voice**

Both Reds and Serenity stared up at the roof of the Blue Base, where Kaiba was standing with his back to them, and Yugi was kneeling, his face towards Kaiba's groin. Needless to say, this didn't look right.

"What the hell are you guys doing up there?" Marik demanded. Yugi jumped to his feet, "Oh crap, it's the Reds!" he whispered. Kaiba's eyes widened, "WHAT! Ryou, why didn't you say something?" hs snapped, "One of you guys turn me around, I still can't move my legs!".

"What the heck were you guys doing?" Bakura asked, raising an eyebrow. "Um...nothing, nothing at all," Yugi said quickly, eyes shifting back and forth.

"We were just playing a game!"

Kaiba glared at Ryou, "Hey, Ryou...we'll handle this, ok?".

"What in the hell is going at this base?" Bakura wondered aloud. Serenity looked over her shoulder at him, "I told you, these guys are weird...," she whispered.

"What do you want, Reds? Get outta here or we'll start shooting at ya!" Kaiba threatened. Bakura grinned, "Oh yeah? You want to say that to our faces?". Kaiba twisted around, trying to face them, but was unable to, "Ugh...no...,"

"Yeah I didn't think so...punk,"

Marik stepped in between the Blues and Bakura, waving his hands, "Whoa whoa whoa, guys. We didn't come to fight. We're just here, to return the prisoner," he explained, pushing Serenity forward a bit.

"Give her back?" Yugi walked to the edge of the roof and looked down at them, "You can't give her back, you took her. A deal's a deal!". Bakura put his hands behind his head, "Well, too bad, we don't want her anymore...,".

"Well we can't give you another prisoner...that was our last one!" Kaiba yelled over his shoulder. "Hey buddy, you got a problem?" Bakura growled, noticing that the Leader hadn't even turned around to talk. Marik tilted his head, "Didn't your mama ever tell you it's impolite not to look at someone while you talk to them?"

"He's shy!" Ryou shouted.

"Shut up, Ryou," Kaiba said before looking over his shoulder again, "We don't want her back, and we don't care what you do with her! Now if you don't mind, we're in the middle of something here..it's kinda private,".

Bakura grinned and looked at his teammate, "That's sad...he _is_ shy!".

Marik shook his head and let out a loud sigh, "Fine...but don't come back asking for her later!".

"We won't!" Kaiba yelled. The Reds and Serenity walked a short distance away until Marik stopped and turned back to them, "Last chance...,"

"BEAT IT, REDS!".

"Ok ok ok...we're going, damn," Marik mumbled as he turned back and followed Bakura and Serenity.

-----

"Man, I thought our team was bad, those guys are just plain rude!" Marik observed as the three of them came to a stop halfway between each base. Serenity nodded in silent agreement and began making her way to the Red Base.

Marik ran over and stepped in her path, "Whoa whoa whoa...where do you think your going?" he demanded. "Back to base with you guys. They don't want me over there...," Serenity trailed off. Bakura laughed, "Yeah, I don't think so,".

"What? You're not going to leave me out here by myself...,"

Marik grinned, "Yeah that's kinda the idea,".

"Not you to...Bakura, old buddy? Kura?" she pleaded, turning to the Tomb Robber. Bakura shrugged, "It's nothing personal Wheeler, but it's pretty clear that you're not very popular around here, and if I'm gonna make any progress at all, I can't be directly associated with you. I'm sure you understand?"

Serenity stared at him.

-----

Kaiba tried turning around again, but it was no use. He looked to Yugi, who was standing next to him, looking outward to the canyon. "What's going on? Are they there?" he asked impatiently. Yugi cupped his hands around his visor, "I can't tell really...too hard to see. I bet if I had that sniper rifle, I'd be able to see just fine,".

"Yugi...look behind you,"

Yugi turned around to see Ryou holding the sniper rifle, the end of the barrel pointed straight at him.

"Mother fucker...!"

"Oh, Kaiba, Kaiba! I see something!" Ryou said excitedly as he moved the rifle around a bit, "The two Red ones are walking away and but the Purple one is...," he paused and stared at the player through the scope, his finger on the trigger, **"I THINK SHE'S GOING TO ATTACK!"**

"Purple one?" Kaiba asked, "Oh that's Wheeler's sister,"

Yugi nodded, "She's not gonna attack, she's a pussyfest," he reminded Ryou.

"That's _pacifist_, Yugi,"

"Whatever Kaiba...hey! Let's tie her up and roll her through the teleporter!" Yugi suggested. Kaiba shook his head, "Wait a second, wait a second. Think about this you guys. Why would they leave Serenity out there by herself? This has got to be a trick!".

Ryou whimpered, still looking at Serenity through the scope, "I'll bet, that they used some kind of brainwashing technique on her! Th-they're probably going to have her do, all of their dirty plans for them...and also their schemes!"

"Ryou...that's ridiculous,"

"Is it, Yugi?" he moved the scope's view so that Yugi was now in the crosshairs and he zoomed in, "Or is it so ridiculous, that it's the most ridiculously perfect idea...that you've never thought of?". Yugi shook his head, "No, it's just plain ridiculous,".

Kaiba rolled his eyes at his teammates, "Well just keep an eye on her, ok? We'll know it's a trick if she tries to get inside our base...,"

"Hey guys! You think I can come and hang out with you for awhile?" Serenity called out, walking a little bit towards them. Ryou began to panic, "I knew it! We're all gonna die...!" he slowly turned to Yugi and pointed the rifle's barrel at the back of his head, **"STARTING WITH YOU...,"**

"Sorry, Serenity!" Yugi yelled, "But we're kinda busy over here. So go away...or something!". Serenity came a little closer, "Normally, I wouldn't impose...but it's just that I'm a newbie to the game and I don't know the map and-,"

"Wheeler, no one's falling for the innocent victim routine of yours!" Kaiba interrupted her.

"...but I can help, Seto! I know a tiny bit of psychology, so I can help you with your problem of facing people!" she added, hope in her voice. Kaiba shook his head, "Just get out of here, and tell your buddies over at Red...that their little plan didn't work!"

"But...,"

"GO!"

Serenity sniffed and lowered her head. She turned around and began to wander the canyon aimlessly, "Man...I can't believe I gave up my movie tickets for this...,"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: hehehehe...hope this is good. Ja ne for now!**


	28. Episode 27: NineTenths of the Law

**Nine Tenths of the Law**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yugioh or Red vs Blue!**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Malik and Yami stood ontop of their Red Base while Marik and Bakura were off doing something with the prisoner of theirs. The pink one hummed loudly and turned to the leader, "So...just you and me today, eh Pharaoh? That's cool," he looked up and down at the Pharaoh, "I see you're using a shotgun...that's cool. I use this pistol, but that's ok, it works for me!".

Yami remained silent and Malik looked around, whistling. A few moments passed until Malik turned to Yami again. "You think that the guys will be back soon?" he asked, "They've been gone for awhile...you think they went to the store? I mean, I've noticed we're getting pretty low on elbow grease...,". Yami kept quiet and Malik just stared at him.

"When you die, can I have your armor?" he asked innocently.

"We're back!"

Malik spun around to greet the returning Reds, "Hey guys. Glad you're hear, Yami would _not_ stop talking!"

Yami rolled his eyes and looked at them both, "Marik, Bakura...did you do a suitable exchange?" he asked slowly. Marik shook his head and sighed, "No...when we got there, the Blues were being weird and-,"

"REALLY weird, and they were rude too!" Bakura add quickly, interrupting Marik.

"Hey, dumbass, I thought we agreed that I'd be the one to tell the story?"

Bakura held up a hand, "Sorry, go right ahead...,"

Marik turned to the Pharaoh, "Anyway, the Blues were acting weird over there, and not just normal weird, but really weird!"

"You're not telling it right...,"

The maroon player growled and glared again at his teammate, "Fine, how do you remember it?" he challenged.

"All I remember is agreeing that you're a big fat kiss-ass! Other than that, I'm fuzzy on the rest of the details," Bakura smirked.

Marik rolled his eyes, then went back to the Pharaoh, "Anyway, they didn't want the prisoner back," he finished.

"Those cunning Blue Devils! Does their treachery know no bounds!" Yami cried dramatically. Bakura repressed the urge to slap him, "Anyway, there is a bit of good news...I stole the girls money!" he said gleefully, holding up some bills.

Yami nodded slowly in approvement, "Bakura, I may be able to make a respectable soldier out of you yet,".

"Really, Pharaoh?"

"Hell no! Now put that money in my room and get to work!"

-----

"Ok, Yugi, what the hell are we going to do here, man? I need to move my legs but I can't!"

Yugi shrugged, "I don't know, Kaiba. I know that I can't keep pulling and plugging in wires down there. I think we should get help from a professional, someone who know how to deal with this sort of thing and maybe fix Mana," he offered.

"Oh that's a good idea, Yugi. The only problem is, that there are only two people here that we know of that can do this: Senor El Roboto, and Tea,".

Ryou hummed and nodded, "Tea can be hard to work with...," he observed.

"Yeah, dead people usually are," Yugi cracked. Kaiba looked at Yugi, "Frankly Yugi, I find your attitude offensive,".

"What about that Mahado person?" Ryou wondered, "Is she available?"

"No...I'm using his body right now, remember?" Kaiba reminded him. Ryou rubbed his chin, "Well...how about you leave his body...and Yugi and I can make sure he fixes your and my girlfriend!".

"Girlfriend, what the fuck, Ryou?"

Ryou sweatdropped, "Um I mean...Yugi and I will make him fix you...and the beautiful tank lady, who means nothing to me," he said quickly, "Then after he's done, you can get back into his body!".

Yugi frowned and turned to Kaiba, "I'm confused...that actually sounds like a good idea,"

"I know!"

"But _Ryou_ said it!"

"I _know_!"

**WHAP!**

Yugi slugged Kaiba hard across the face with his pistol. The team leader screamed and glared daggers at his assailant, "What the fuck is the matter with you, Yugi?" he roared, holding the side of his face.

"I don't know. I wanted to make sure I wasn't dreaming, so I punched you in the face,"

"Yugi...if you want to make sure if you're not dreaming...you get someone to pinch you!" Kaiba yelled. Yugi shook his head, "Dude, it don't matter what dream I'm having, I'm not letting you pinch me,". Kaiba made sure his jaw was still intact, "Yugi, if you dented my forehead, I'm going to be _pissed_!" he threatened. Yugi waved him off absentmindedly, "Yeah yeah...whatever,"

"Look, let's just try this. I'll hop out of Mahado's body, then you two keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't try anything...ok?" Kaiba asked, glancing at the two teammates. They nodded and he took a deep breath, "Ok...here goes nothing. GRAKAKAKAKAKAK!".

Ryou and Yugi watched as their leader's body twitched uncontrollably, then became still. Yugi turned to Ryou, "I gotta hand it to you, Ryou. You actually came up with a good idea!". Ryou smiled and rubbed the back of his head, "Aw...it was nothing...,".

Yugi shook his head, "No no, you contributed and that's what it's all about," he told him.

"I just enjoy the process...," Ryou said quietly, the smile behind his visor still plastered on his face.

"OOOOH YEAH! There we go...,"

Ryou and Yugi turned to see Kaiba standing nearby, in ghost form. Kaiba stretched his limbs, "Back in the spirit world! Not bad...I forgot how good this feels. Sort of a...loosey goosey feeling,". He paused and stared straight ahead for a few moments, "What did you guys do to my body?" he asked slowly.

"Why do you care about your body? You can't even use your...," Yugi stopped in midsentence and turned around to see that Mahado had jumped off the roof of the base and was now running away back to the Red Base, "...oh hey look, your legs work!"

**"THIS ONE IS MINE!"**

Before anyone could do anything, Ryou whipped out his sniper rifle and fired off a round. Kaiba couldn't believe what was going on. "Ryou, you idiot, don't do that, you're gonna damage my body!" he yelled. Yugi slapped himself in the visor and shook his head.

"Ugh...forget it. Yugi, you guys go through the teleporter and cut him off. I'll meet you out there!" Kaiba ordered before vanishing. Yugi walked over to the teleporter and shook his head, "No damn way am I going in there again. I still got this tingle in the back of my...nevermind,"

"But...Kaiba said...,"

Yugi cut Ryou off with a wave of his hand, "But Kaiba didn't think of this!". Ryou watched as Yugi grabbed a small orb from his belt and tossed it into the teleporter. Before he could ask what was going on, Yugi slapped him on the shoulder, "C'mon, let's go!"

-----

Kaiba phased into the canyon just in time to see Mahado running directly at him. He held up a hand outward, "Hold it right there, amigo! You're not going anywhere!" he ordered. Before Mahado could do anything, a small object landed between the two of them. The robot looked down, said something in Spanish, then bolted off in the other direction.

"HEY! I said stop, I didn't say run away! You big...robot baby!" Kaiba yelled after him. A loud hissing sound made him look down to seea black orb lying at his feet.

"That rock looks like a grenade...aw crap,"

**KA-BOOM!**

-----

"What in the name of Ra is going on, Bakura?" Yami demanded as he ran up the ramp. Bakura shook his head as he looked out through the rifle's scope, "I think we're under attack, Yami...a very sloppy and poorly coordinated attack...," he reported.

"How many are there?"

"Um...two are coming this way and another...," Bakura paused, looked away from the rifle, then looked through it again, "...retreating?". Yami rubbed his hands together, "Ohh...we'll give them a reason to retreat alright. Marik, saddle up! We're gonna go rope us some Blue Steer!".

"WOOHOO! LET'S ROCK!" Marik whooped as he followed Yami to the Warthog, leaving Malik and Bakura alone.

"So...just you and me at the base, eh Tomb Robber?"

"Shut up, Malik...,"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: hope this is good. ja ne!**


	29. Episode 28: In Stereo Where Available

**In Stereo Where Available**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yugioh or Red vs Blue.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Kaiba coughed violently as the dirt began to fall and settle around him. That grenade that magically appeared and exploded made a very small crater around him. He coughed again and waved his hands around, "Who the-," he coughed, "Who the hell tried to blow me up with a grenade?" he demanded before going into another coughing fit, "And why the hell am I coughing? I don't have any lungs, I'm a ghost...,"

A loud rumbling made him turn around to see the Red Team's Jeep flying into the air after jumping off a small hill. As it soared, he could swear he heard two people go "Yeehaw and Ride 'em Cowboy!". He decided to shake it off and started to make his back to base.

-----

Marik looked behind him as the jeep slowed down. He banged on the side of the Warthog, "Yami, hold up!" he yelled. The jeep came to a complete stop and the both of the jumped out. Marik walked a few yards, looking from side to side. "Hey...Pharaoh, did you see something strange?" he asked, eyes darting back and forth.

"Why...yes I did, Marik. A long time ago, when I was a little boy. A man who claimed to be my uncle did this thing with a camel that still haunts me to this day...,"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Marik waved his hands rapidly, "I mean did you see anything strange, just now?" he clarified. Yami looked around, "Um...no. No, I did not,".

Marik tilted his head, "What was that thing about your uncle?" he asked slowly. Yami shook his fist, "I keep telling everyone, he wasn't my uncle! He just pretended to by my uncle!" he shouted.

"...wanna talk about it?"

"Just get back in the jeep and shut the hell up,"

-----

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, HOMBRE!"

Mahado stopped in his tracks as Yugi and Ryou ran up to him, their pistols trained on him. Yugi couldn't help but grin, he leaned over to Ryou, "Told ya that throwing the grenade through the teleporter would work! Kaiba's gonna be _so _impressed!"

Ryou nodded in agreement, "And Mana will love me again, and this time, for who I am. Not just for my good looks...but for those too," he said proudly, a dreamy look glazing over his eyes.

_"Damn these Blue bastards. They really are as stupid as they look,"_ Mahado muttered to himself.

Ryou glared hard at him, **"YOUR SOUL IS A CAVERN OF LIVES...,"** he growled. Yugi looked at Mahado, then Ryou, "What the _hell_ are you two talking about?" he asked, very confused. _"You may have won this round, but your cruel reign of tyranny will be short lived,"_ Mahado swore, _"The Red people will be avenged-,"_

Yugi waved, interrupting him, "Yeah yeah yeah, we get it. Nobody cares, we need you to fix our tank!" Mahado shook his head, _"Never will I work for the enemy. May a pox be upon your soul and your house! Long have my people suffered, but very soon we will see the coming of a new day. The dawn of our time is near, and when the darkness befalls your people the workers of the field will know that this is their moment,"_

"Man, I thought Kaiba talked a lot. You think if I kick him in the switch, he'llshut up?" he asked, turning to Ryou. Speaking of Ryou, he was busy looking at something behind Mahado. He turned to Yugi, "Uh...Yugi? I think that we should be going of the running now," he suggested fearfully. Ryou turned back to look at what he was looking at before, "Some _fast_ running...," he added. Yugi followed Ryou's gaze and groaned, "Oh crap,".

-----

Yami and Marik were a few yards away, behind Mahado in the Warthog. They didn't know Ryou had seen them and Marik was taking aim with the mounted machine gun in his hands. Yami held up a fist, "Hold your fire, Marik!" he ordered, putting his hands on the steering wheel, "It's payback time...,"

"GO FOR IT PHARAOH!"

-----

Yugi began to slowly walk away from Mahado, his eyes trained on the jeep a short distance away, "That's it. Just casually walking away...no cause for concern,".

"RUNNING TIME!" Ryou screamed before he broke in to a run. Yugi groaned and followed his screaming, panicking teammate, "I SAID NICE AND CASUAL YOU MORON!" he yelled. Mahado couldn't help but laugh and rub his hands together, _"Yes, yes, run away, you cowardly dogs!"_ he taunted, _"Be it know that the great Mahado has won this day and...,"_

"Aim for that guy right in the middle!"

"WAAAAAAAY ahead of ya, Marik!"

Mahado turned around to see the Warthog coming straight toward him, _"What is happening?"_ he wondered. As the jeep came closer, a loud beeping began to emanate from Mahado's body, _"You leave me no choice...,"_

"DIE YOU BLUE BASTARD!" Yami screamed as he gunned the vehicle. Marik laughed then stopped suddenly...what the hell was that strange beep? He leaned outward, "Hey, Yami, do you hear that weird beeping noise?" he yelled over the roar of the engine.

**KA-BOOM!**

The front of the Warthog exploded, sending the jeep flying backwards into the air, spinning. As it soared, the flames made it look like some kind of strange circus act until it landed on it's side just outside the Red Base.

_"I'm sorry...Brother,"_ Mahado whispered, lowering his head.

Ryou and Yugi ran up to him, finally coming out of their hiding spot. Yugi slapped Mahado on the back, grinning from ear to ear, "Way to go, Robot Dude!". Ryou clapped his heands, "I knew it! I knew he would be friends with us...robot people always like me! It's because of my awesome dancing!' he bragged.

_"My spirit is broken. My people have betrayed me and now all is lost. Do with me what you will...,"_

Yugi scratched his helmet, "Um...ok. We just need you to fix the tank," he said slowly. As they started walking to the base, some music wafted through the canyon. Ryou squealed, "YAY! Dancing time!". Both Mahado and Yugi sweatdropped and watched as Ryou began to dance the Robot Dance.

_"The heart of this warrior cries out in sorrow...,"_

"Do do do do, do do do do dodoo," Ryou hummed as he shook his booty.

_"Why does this one mock me with his foolish dancing?"_

"Buh nuh nuh, dodododododododododo,"

_"Are those moves supposed to make him look like a robot? They do not, I am offended by this...,"_

**-----**

"Why...did you...put in this CD?"

Brian shrugged as he and Mokuba danced around to the music of Move Your Body. "Honestly, Mokuba, I don't know. A friend gave me this awhile ago, and I thought this was a good time for anything," he explained.

Mokuba nodded as he thought about it, then continued dancing while the others inside the game watched Ryou dance.


	30. Episode 29: Radar Love

**Radar Love**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yugioh or Red vs Blue.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Bakura and Marik watched Yami walk around the Warthog jeep from their spot on the top of their base. Bakura shook his head, "If you ask me, having that jeep around is just asking for bad luck," he commented. Marik nodded, "I see what you mean. Everytime we get into it, it breaks, or explodes, and goes beserk and tries to kill one of us,".

"I think we should trade that jeep in for a couple of motorcycles...no! A tank! Like the Blue Team has. That tank looks like it doesn't have any problems at all!"

Marik and Bakura turned to see Malik was standing next to them, watching Yami inspect the jeep. Bakura tilted his head, "When the hell did you get up here, Malik?"

-----

"...and that's the deal, Mr Robot. You fix the tank, and we'll let you go free," Kaiba finished telling Mahado the offer he had thought up. Ryou leaned close to Yugi, "I thought the plan was to trick him into fixing the tank, then Kaiba will take back his body when he is done?" he asked, confused.

Yugi nodded and sideglanced at him, "Yeah, but you don't tell the person you're tricking that!" he whispered. Ryou's eyes went wide behind the visor, "So...what you're saying is that, if I'm the one being tricked, you wouldn't tell me what was going on?" he asked, horrified. Yugi frowned, "Why would we trick you?" he asked. Ryou leaned so close to Yugi, their visor's touched, "Oh I think you know...,"

_"Where will I go?" _Mahado asked Kaiba, _"Even my friends have tried to kill me,"_

"Um ok...," Kaiba looked around, hoping for a spanish to english dictonary to magically appear, "I guess that's a yes then. So we'll just leave you to the tank fixing then!". Mahado lowered his head, _"I have no home...,"_

-----

"Aw crap!"

Marik, Malik and Yami looked up at Bakura, who was standing on one of the tires of the overturned jeep, sniper rifle in hand.

"They got a guy fixin' their tank!" he reported. Yami shook his head, "Impossible! Our intelligence clearly states-,"

"We have intelligence?" Malik asked him.

"...that the only two people certified for tank repair are that dead Freelancer and Mahado!" Yami continued, "Oh wait a minute...,"

Marik snapped his fingers, "You thinking what I'm thinking, Pharaoh? Mahado runs away, the jeep starts driving itself, and now there's a new guy on the blue team?". Yami nodded, "No doubt that those evil Blue soldiers have constructed some kind of diabolical mind control device and now they've got him doing their evil Blue bidding!" he cried, shaking his fist.

"Or...," Bakura hopped off the jeep and landed in front of the Pharaoh, "Since Mahado is a robot, they probably just reprogrammed him,".

"OR MAYBE...that blue guy that got killed by the tank, came back as a ghost and is now possessing Mahado's body! That would also explain why the Pharaoh went nuts when we had the prisoner earlier, he was probably possessed at the time too...and the jeep moving on it's own? Probably just part of a string of very strange coincidences...," Malik offered in a loud voice.

Marik, Bakura and Yami stared at him for a few moments.

"I think I like the ray beam idea better...,"

Bakura laughed, "Right on Marik. Sorry Rookie," he said to Malik, "But your ideas just sound _really really _dumb,".

-----

Ryou hopped up and down impatiently while Mahado repaired Mana. It was a funny sight to behold, for in Halo, Ryou or any other player could jump _very_ high.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Hurry and fix the tank, so I can say hello to Mana!" he pleaded, **"AND START KILLING EVERYONE!"**

Yugi sweatdropped, "You mean all the Reds, right?" he asked nervously. Ryou nodded, "Yes, of course!". Yugi sighed in relief and turned back to watch Mahado.

**"...FOR STARTERS!"**

Yugi glanced back at Ryou, not sure if he heard right. Kaiba tapped his foot, "C'mon, how much longer, Mahado?" he asked anxiously. _"Completed," _Mahado reported as he backed away from Mana. The tank whirred to life and the lights came on, **Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Ta-,"**

"MANA!" Ryou shouted, latching onto the tank in a major hug, "You're fixed, you're fixed!". **"Hello Private Ryou, thank you for repairing me," **Mana greeted. Yugi scoffed, "He didn't fix you, we got some robot to do that,".

Ryou grabbed Yugi around the shoulders and shook him violently, **"DON'T COCK-BLOCK ME!" **he snapped. **"Robot? I wasn't aware that our unit was outfitted for a robot...,"** Mana said slowly. Mahado slowly raised his head to look at Mana, and Mana lowered her turret to look, or at least look like she was looking, at Mahado. All the while, a strange harpful music was heard through the air.

While Yugi looked around to find out where the music was coming from, Ryou quickly got between Mahado and Mana, "I don't like where this is going...,"

**"Hello there. I am Mana, the M808V Main Battle Tank,"** Mana told Mahado.

_"I am known as Mahado, the heavy,"_

**"Mahado? What a nice name for such a nice soldier. You have such nice motor skills,"**

Ryou waved his hands at Mana, "Unfortunately, Mana. Mahado has to go now...he was just here to help me fix you, and now he has to go bye bye!". Yugi shook his head, "Dude, this is getting weird," he turned to his leader, "Kaiba, will you please just take back your fucking body now?" he begged.

Kaiba laughed and cracked his knuckles, "You got it, Yugi,". He rushed towards Mahado and disappeared.

"GRAKAKAKKAAKKAKAK!"

Mahado twitched violently as Kaiba worked his magic. However, this time, things didn't look so hot. "Hey, Kaiba, are you ok?" Yugi called out, "Kaiba, hey!"

"What the fuck!" Kaiba cursed as he appeared next to Yugi, "That wasn't me...what the fuck happened?" he demanded.

A light chuckle made the three Blues look at Mahado who turned around and waved at them, "Konichiwa, asswipes...guess whose back?".

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: hehehehe...DUN DUN DUN! hope that chappy was good! ja ne!**


	31. Episode 30: I Dream of Meanie

**I Dream of Meanie**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Red vs Blue!**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Kaiba held in his anger and walked up to the one who had taken over Mahado's body, "Give me back my body, Tea!" he ordered. The newly "resurrected" Freelancer spun around, "Your body, Seto? I don't think so...I just stole it!". Kaiba growled and tried to punch her, but his fist just went through, "But I stole it first!" he whined.

Mana lowered her turret to "look" at Tea, **"I am confused...I thought your name as Mahado, and that you were a man! This is all so strange...I think my circuits are crossed...and I like it,"**

Yugi shook his head rapidly, "Bad thought, bad thought, bad thought,". Ryou pulled out his pistol and aimed it directly at Tea, **"I KNOW HOW TO GET HER OUT OF THERE...,"**. Tea snapped her head towards Ryou, startled. He smiled behind his visor, **"WINK...,"**

"Ryou, don't!" Kaiba ordered coming between the two, "Look, just go explain to Mana alright?". Ryou lowered his pistol and climbed onto Mana while Kaiba turned to Tea, "Ok...Tea, what's it gonna take for you to gimme back my body?" he asked, really not wanting to deal with this right now.

"Well ever since I've been a ghost, I've been watching you guys alot...,"

"Whoa...," Yugi interrupted her, "When you say you've been watching us...does that mean you've been watching us..._all_ the time? Even when we're alone?" he asked slowly. He turned to face a rock in the distance that had the words, **YUGI'S ROCK! KEEP OUT!** painted in big black letters.

Tea smirked, "Yes, Yugi...and you should be _very_ ashamed of yourself,".

Yugi lowered his head, "It's very lonely here...," he whimpered. Tea waved him off, "Anyway, I've noticed there's been a change in one of your guys...Ryou,".

"Ryou?" Kaiba looked at his teammate, "What kind of change, he knows the entire alphabet now?". Tea rolled her eyes, "Haven't you noticed that he's becoming more and more agressive?" she asked quietly. Yugi raised his hand, "I have! It was sorta round the same time Mana got disabled and you got blown up! I tried telling Kaiba, but he wouldn't listen!"

"Yugi...," Kaiba glanced at him, "There's a fine line between not listening, and not caring. I'd like to think I walk that line everyday of my life,".

"Anyway," Tea interrupted the two of them, "I had just finished the tank when I overheard your plan to warn the Reds, Seto. This spooked the AI and it took it's chance when Ryou first turned on the radio to talk to you,".

Yugi snapped his fingers, "That's when he started to call himself Dartz! So your AI has now infected Ryou?" he asked. Kaiba nodded, "These suits we're wearing are designed to have one slot for AI...his just happened to be vacant," he explained.

"Heh, I think there are a few non-mechnical features of Ryou's that are empty," Yugi cracked, tapping the side of his helmet.

"ANYWAY...before I had a chance to warn you guys, that _bitch_ in the pink armor got off a really lucky shot! Next thing I know...I'm a ghost," Tea finished.

Kaiba nodded, "Ok, ok, ok. I see. Ryou's holding your precious AI, and now you're holding my body hostage so we can help you get it back, right?".

Tea nodded and checked her pistol, "Wrong...I want you to help me _kill_ it!"

-----

Malik, Marik and Bakura were lined up on the roof while Yami paced back and forth in front of them.

"Ladies! It has come to my attention that our team is in need of a new robot-type person!" Yami stopped pacing and looked at his men, "So who wants to volunteer?" he asked.

Malik clapped his hands excitedly, "Oh, are we going on a trip? Can we play games like 'I Spy'? Or, 'The License Plate' game?".

"Oh god, shut up Malik!" Bakura groaned.

Marik cleared his throat, "Um...Pharaoh? What exactly do you mean by 'volunteer'?" he asked while Malik and Bakura exchanged words of shut up and game suggestions.

"Obviously, we are without a robot or anyone with mechnical training or the dexterity. So, the only logical thing to do is to turn one of you into a robot and/or freaky cyborg thing," Yami proposed.

"What?"

"Are you outta your mind?"

"I NOMINATE MARIK!"

Yami ignored the cries of protest and support, "I am told that the cyborg operation is a relatively simple procedure. Where most of the useless guts and slimey goo of a human are replaced with the no doubt superior guts and oily goo of a robot. If you're lucky," he paused and turned to his men, "You might even get a carbarectum,"

Marik raised his hand, "How about we just _didn't_ do that, instead of actually _doing_ it?" he offered.

The Pharaoh nodded at him, "Good suggestion, Marik. But I like the removal of the slimy guts and goo so we'll go with that!"

"Well I hate to agree with the Kiss-Ass," Bakura chimed in, "But why don't we just ask for a brand-new robot?"

"Shut up, Meatsack!" Yami barked, glaring at him, "A new robot could just be easily reprogrammed by the enemy just like Mahado was! We need someone we can trust!".

Marik lowered his head, "Aw fuck me,"

"Or we choose someone who's mental capacity is so tiny, that it can't be used against us!" Yami countered.

Bakura and Marik turned and looked at Malik, who backed away, "Hey, PINK SUIT, guys!" he pointed to his armor, "It's time for someone else in the barrel!"

"Then again, let's just go with the trustworthy thing,"

Marik slapped his visor, "Oh...you backstabbing ass-monkeys,"

"Now, Bakura, I'll be needing a list of supplies for this operation. First off, two quarts of Vodka...,"

"Check!"

"8 pounds of Vasoline...condensed,"

"Check!"

"An old tire iron, preferably metric,"

"You know...I might have left that in the bathroom...,"

"The latest issue of Easy Bake Oven for Kids,"

"I'll have to check...,"

"Check? You mean we got it?"

"Check...no wait,"

"Do we or do we not have it?"

"I'll have to look,"

"Make sense boy, I ain't got all day, I gotta gut this fish!"

-----

Brian rubbed his eyes as he leaned back in his chair, "Ok..lemme get this straight. Dartz has somehow become an AI, he's in the game and has now inhabited Ryou?" he asked slowly. Mokuba shrugged, "Sounds about right...,".

"...oh man, they're gonna be so pissed at us. Mokuba, get the Three Stooges down here. They've worked with him before, maybe they know how he got in there..,"

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: there's that ep/chap. Funny stuff...well catch ya next chapter, BYE!**


	32. Episode 31: Room for Rent

**Room for Rent**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Red vs Blue or Halo. Those belong to the geniuses that created them.**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Well that's a nice story, Tea. I _really_ like the part where you blackmailed Kaiba to cosplay as Sailor Moon,"

"That was taken completely out of context!"

"But I don't get how we're supposed to stop the AI,"

Tea shrugged, "I don't remember much from when I first got into this. What I _can_ tell you is that the AI can be transmitted from host to host via helmet radio. When we discovered what had happened, Kaiba's people tried to stop it, but the AI took over and severed all ties to the electronics and escaped,"

Kaiba held up a hand, "So...you've been stuck in here for a good, long time haven't you, Tea?" he asked.

Tea nodded, "Yep. The only bright side is that I've beaten Brian in multiplayer and that's always a kick in the ass! Anyway, if we can kill the AI and not give it a place to jump for it's escape, we'll beat it,"

"And then I can have my body back...deal?"

Tea smiled at Kaiba, "Deal!"

Kaiba turned to Yugi, "Ok, Tea and I will go and possess Ryou. Yugi, you need to go across the canyon and try to work with the Reds, try to get them to turn off their radios so the AI won't have any place to escape!".

Yugi looked at Kaiba, then Tea, "Whoa whoa whoa. How the hell am I supposed to do that? They see me comin' down the road, they'll either open fire on me or capture me!".

"Come up with a plan then, Yugi,"

"A plan? Oh c'mon, you know how I feel about plans!"

"Yugi, we won't have a lot of time once we get in there, so you'll need to work fast,"

The teal-colored player looked at Tea, "So you don't care what I do, or how I do it, as long as I do it fast?" he asked slowly.

"Yeah," Kaiba nodded.

"Yep," Tea agreed.

Yugi looked at them both, "You two are a lotta help...," he murmured. Kaiba shrugged, "Hey, try shifting your paradyme. You know...think outside the box!" he offered.

"Kaiba, the box is there for a reason! I like thinking inside the box...I feel safe there,"

Kaiba rolled his eyes and turned to the second spirit, "Ok, Tea. Ladies first,". Tea scoffed, "Yeah right. I'm not gonna go first and leave you out here with your body-,"

"...bitch,"

"-nice try, Seto,"

Kaiba let out a loud sigh and turned to Ryou, "Hey, Ryou!" he called out. Ryou turned to him, "Huh?".

"Head's up!" Kaiba ran at him at full speed and dove into his body. Tea and Yugi watched as Ryou's body twitched and convulsed for a few moments. Tea turned to Yugi and saluted, "Good luck, Yugi!" she cried before releasing Mahado of her possessive hold. As Tea dove into Ryou's body, a dark voice shouted in protest.

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

-----

Kaiba and Tea stood in a large, gray room with dozens, maybe even hundreds of large, gray blocks that covered the floor, and many rampways that littered the sides of the room.

"Unbelievable...," Kaiba gasped, taking in the sight. Tea nodded, "Yep, it takes a while to get use to, I know,". Kaiba shook his head and turned around to face her, "No, I mean this place is a whole lot bigger than I thought it was gonna be...,"

-----

"No, I mean this place is a whole lot bigger than I thought it was gonna be...,"

Yugi walked up to Ryou and waved his hand in front of the visor, "Ryou...you ok there, buddy?" he asked.

"This place is a whole lot bigger than I thought it was gonna be...,"

"Um...ok. Look, I'm gonna take Mahado and Mana and we're gonna find someway to get the Reds to shut off their radioes...,"

"Where should we start, Tea?"

Yugi blinked, "WHAT?"

-----

"I said, 'where should we start, Tea?"

Tea cracked her neck and checked her pistol again, "Just keep your eyes peeled. I guarantee that Dartz will come looking fo-,"

"Yugi, is that you?" Kaiba interrupted her.

Before she could ask what the hell he was talking about, Tea heard a voice from behind her.

"No, what are you, stupid? Oh wait...I AM me...I guess I'M stupid!"

Tea turned around to see Yugi standing behind her. Kaiba rolled his eyes, "What the hell are you doing in here, Yugi? You're supposed to be out there trying to think of a plan!" he scolded.

"Do you have any food?" 'Yugi' asked him, "Cuz I love to eat food. Lotsa food!"

"What the hell is the matter with you?"

Tea grinned and looked at Kaiba, "This isn't really Yugi, Kaiba! This is just Ryou's mental image of Yugi!" she explained. Kaiba scoffed, "If that's the case, he's got it wrong. Wheeler's the one with the obsession of food,"

"Man, I am so unbelievable stupid!" Yugi 2 chimed in.

Kaiba threw his hands in the air, "Well if that's the case, everyone we could meet in here is gonna be as brain-dead as Ryou!".

"I would not be so sure of that, Mr Kaiba...," a new voice behind him greeted.

-----

Malik ran inside the Red Base where Bakura and Yami were talking about something. "Guys...we got a problem! Someone...and I'm not gonna say who, _might_ have thought that one of the cyborg parts that was needed for Marik's surgery, was a cupholder. And _someone_, not naming any names here, might have left it in the Warthog along with their favorite mixed tape of Queen," he said in one breath, "I just don't know who would do such a thing!"

"Was it you?" Bakura asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes. I mean...no, no!" Malik coughed and made his voice deeper, "No, of course not!". He lowered his head, "Dammit,".

Yami whistled at them, "Bakura, you and the Flaming Queen over there get out there and retrieve the part from the Warthog, post haste!" he ordered.

"Pharaoh, do you really think it's safe out there, right now?" Bakura asked him, "For all we know, the Blue's may have already fixed their tank! They could be advancing on us, _right now_!"

The Red Team leader waved him off, "Awww Kuriboh! Even with Mahado's help, it'll take a long time before they get it online again...much less get it running!" he assured.

Malik sighed, "I hope you're right. 'Cuz if I go out there and see that tank, I'm gonna freak out!"

-----

At the very moment, Mahado, Mana, and Yugi stood at least 10 yards away from the Red Base. Yugi holstered his pistol and looked at the robot and tank behind him, then back at the base.

"Oh man...I sure hope they don't freak out when they see us coming...,"

-----

"Wait hold on...lemme get this straight. You're brother..SETO KAIBA. Cosplayed as Sailor Moon?"

Mokuba shook his head, "Not exactly! Look, I got photos!". Brian watched as Mokuba opened a file marked **SMCOS **and a dozen pix popped up on the windows. On half of them, Kaiba was dressed as Tuxedo Mask, complete with the small white mask and Tea was dressed as Sailor Moon. On the other half of the file, Tea was dressed as Tuxedo Mask and Kaiba was dressed as Sailor Moon.

Brian fell out of his seat, rolling around laughing and holding his sides. Mokuba grinned slyly and crossed his arms, "He doesn't know this file exists! Watcha think?" he asked. Brian calmed down to a slight giggle and dragged copies of the pictures onto an email, then pushed SEND.

"THAT'S what I think about this. Kaiba's already gonna kill me for this whole HALO incident. Might as well make it more fun for us while we can!"

BZZZZZZT

Mokuba pressed a nearby button, "Mokuba here,".

**"Mr Kaiba, there are a group of men here. They say they were called to come?"** a woman's voice greeted.

"Is one huge and blonde, one thin red-head and the other one looking like a Mad Max reject?" Brian asked.

**"Um...yes...,"**

"Good, send 'em in,"

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: hehehehehe...hope that chapter was good! Ja ne!**


	33. Episode 32: Me, Myself, and You

**Me, Myself, and You**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Red vs Blue. Those belong to their genius creators.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"I see...so you're from the outside," Ryou-2 turned and looked out at the vast area of giant slabs and walkways that was inside the first Ryou's head, "That's where the other one is from as well...,"

Kaiba frowned, "The other? Wait, you mean Dartz?!" he walked up to Ryou-2, "You've seen him?!"

"Of course he's seen him, you idiot!" a new person in blue armor ran up to them, "You think the Great Mr Ryou would miss something like that you skeezy, douche'bag fuck?!"

Kaiba stared at the newcomer, "Ok first off, who the hell are _you_?"

"My name is Kaiba, butt-wiping ass munch!"

The real Kaiba turned to Tea, "This guy's an asshole...,"

Tea giggled quietly, "Yeah...we've...we've uh, met,"

"Yeah, and I'm Ryou's best friend!" Kaiba-2 shouted, "So don't try anything stupid you lip-lipping cock-suck!"

Kaiba held up a finger, "Ok...there were a lot of things in that sentence that I didn't like at all," he snapped.

Tea grabbed his shoulder and leaned in, "Just play along, Seto...we're gonna need these guys if we're gonna find Dartz and get rid of him!" she whispered.

"I'm gonna go look for girls!" Yugi-2 cried, running off in another direction.

Kaiba sighed and lowered his head, "Fine...whatever,".

Ryou-2 nodded, "If you wish to find Dartz, I suggest you talk to the Reds first. He tried to recruit them against me early on," he suggested.

"The Red's? As in the Yami's?" Kaiba looked around, "They're here?!"

-----

Meanwhile, outside the Yami's base, Bakura and Malik stood next to the overturned Warthog, trying to find the part that the pink-armored player had misplaced.

Bakura looked at the car for a while, then walked up to Malik, "Are you _sure_ you left it in here?" he asked slowly, not really wanting to be here.

Malik rubbed his helmet, "I think so...wait...no...wait, wait, wait...uh...," he groaned as if trying to remember was a strainful chore on his brain, "I think so!"

Sighing, Bakura shook his head, "Ok...now...retrace your steps. You said it was a little bit after we got trapped in this game, before Marik and the Pharaoh got blown up, right?"

"Right! I remembered that day, because I was trying to contact Ishizu on the com, but she didn't answer...,"

"...how the _fuck _could you call your sister when we're a damn video game?!"

"I dunno...," Malik shrugged, "Seemed like it'd work at the moment. Anyhoo, I needed to relax and while relaxing here, I don't like wearing the pink armor, cuz I already get enough crap from you guys as it is. So I thought to myself, 'Where is the one place that I can relax and listen to my music while wearing nothing at all?' ".

Bakura looked at him, then slowly turned to the Warthog, "Oh God!".

-----

As Mahado and Mana made their way over the hills of the Blood Gulch map, Yugi looked out from inside of Mana, sitting comfortably in the driver's seat.

"Ok...looks like we're getting close enough. Now if only I could find the brakes on this thing," he murmured to himself, "Ah, must be this one,".

**"Do not push that button!" **Mana warned him.

"Oops...sorry, Mana. Maybe it's this one...,"

**"Do not touch me...,"**

Yugi slumped in the seat, "You know, for a girl your size, you're a little sensitive," he commented.

-----

"I cannot take much more of this...," Bakura groaned as he listened to Malik go on and on about what he did before.

"...so then I clipped my toe-nails and I _was_ gonna apply the ointment as instructed. I dunno why, but it smelled really funny. So I thought, I'd taste it, to make sure it was safe...,"

"That's it...I'm committing suicide," Bakura turned and walked away from his teammate.

Malik waved at him, "Hey! I wasn't done retracing my steps yet!" he yelled after him, "You don't even know what I did to the boil on my thigh!"

Bakura just wanted to get away from the blabbering idiot. He walked away from the Warthog and was about to head into the base when he heard a low rumbling sound. He turned and his eyes went wide, "OH CRAP!"

The psychotic tank was currently advancing on them and fast too.

He bolted back behind the Warthog, ducking low with his pistol in his hand.

"Hey, you're back! Sweet, anyway-,"

"Shut up, Tomb-Keeper!" Bakura hissed, waving at him to get down, "There's a big ass tank coming this way!".

"What?!" Malik ran off to the side and he too, saw the tank coming for them. He ran back to Bakura and began to twitch, "Oh God...I'm totally freakin' out...I'm freakin' out!"

-----

"Oh God...," Yugi banged his helmet, "I can't believe _Ryou_ is smart enough to actually pilot this thing. Mana, how the fuck do I slow you down?!"

**"Retard the throttle...,"**

"Wait, what? What throttle?"

**"Retard the controller,"**

"What are you talking about? I'm so confused!"

**"The controller, retard!"**

"Hey! That's kinda insulting ya know...,"

**"Retard...retard...retard...retard...retard...retard...retard...retard...retard...retard...retard...,"**

"Oh c'mon," Yugi crossed his arms, "Now you're just being mean!"

-----

On the outside, Brian and Mokuba had just finished explaining the situation to Raphael, Valon and Alister, former followers of Dartz.

"So...you're saying...that all your friends are stuck in that game, because you won't let them out?" Valon asked slowly.

"Yep...," Mokuba nodded.

"Now, Dartz is in there and he's causing hell?" Alister chimed in.

Brian nodded, "You got it...,"

"So what do you want _us _to do about it?" Raphael asked them.

Both Mokuba and Brian shrugged, "Hell we don't know, anything you could to get him out!" they said together.

"..." Valon stared at the monitors.

"..." Alister stared at the two boys.

"..." Raphael stared at a tossed soda can.

"Well this was a _great_ idea," Brian murmured, rubbing his eyes.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kilnorc: Sorry about the long wait, guys. Had to wait til the technical difficulties were fixed...so here it is! Hope you enjoyed it!**


End file.
